Eye Wrinkle Cream – Are They Really Effective?

Are eye wrinkle creams really effective?

Many are unsure of this answer. Today one can find hundreds of different types of skin care products in the market. The growing market of these products makes it difficult for an ordinary man to judge which one is the best. At times some products work while others fall below the expectations. Its unto you to decide which one best suits your skin and produces results.

Uses of Eye Wrinkle Creams

  • The anti cream for eye wrinkle is a re-firming cream. It helps in firming the skin around and under the eyes.
  • It stimulates the blood circulation.
  • Prevents the eyes from getting the crinkles lines look, thus, diminishing crow’s feet.
  • The best cream eye wrinkle revitalizes the skin and promotes the healing of the skin.
  • The cream eye removal wrinkle creates an invisible shield to protect the eye skin from getting further damage, while smoothing out the eye wrinkles.

Steps to combat eye wrinkles

The use of a best eye wrinkle cream could be a treatment for the wrinkles. Since the skin is very delicate, a proper care has to be taken of this skin. For this, regular application of best under eye cream is needed.

The eye wrinkle cream will help you get rid of most of the wrinkles appearing around and under your eyes. You can see the result for yourself by applying the cream regularly. Moreover, you will see that the appearance of your skin has become healthier and younger.

Eye Cream – Believe It Or Not

Does eye cream really work? While we cannot say for every brand out there, but what we do know is that many do, in fact they help you lose those crows feet and help provide you with more skin tone that you can be proud of. What most people do not know, though, is that eye cream works because of what is inside of it being as natural as you will find. The products that defy age work because they are filled with great quality ingredients that would make anything do well.

So, what magical product is inside an eye cream that makes it work so well?

It is not the ingredient per say but the vitamins that are in it instead. For example, those ingredients that are full of natural antioxidants are full of all the good stuff our bodies need. Many eye cream products are full of just that – antioxidants. These vitamins are super tough. They can help clean out your arteries and help you to fight disease as well as just helping to keep your skin healthy looking. In fact, many antioxidants are able to help rejuvenate various types of elements within the body including the eyes and skin. So, antioxidants that are in eye cream can, in fact, help to improve your look.

When you are out and about looking for the eye cream that you will use, flip it over and find out which natural ingredients are in the product.

If you cannot tell, you’ll want to look for those products that have a lot of vitamins especially your vitamin E’s. These are full of the antioxidants that your body needs anyway. A hint here; foods that are rich in antioxidants are usually very brightly colored greens, oranges, and other bright or dark colors. These are foods that you want to include in your diet anyway. Eye cream with antioxidants is just what you need.

20 Simple Wrinkle Erasers

Aging of the skin is a natural process by which the collagen and elastin, that keep our skin looking firm and youthful, begin to decline, this results in wrinkles. Cell production and cell quality also diminish over time resulting in wrinkles. These factors unfortunately are out of our control, though diet and supplements can slow down the process, but it won’t stop it.

The influences that are within our control are largely environmental such as pollution (eg; smoking) and sun damage. Here are 20 easy ways to reduce wrinkles and slow down the aging process.

1. Stop smoking (It’s #1 for a reason)
2. Always wear sunscreen whether it’s cloudy or sunny and don’t sunbake.
3. Hydrate your skin by drinking about 8 glasses of water a day.
4. Use skin care products that contain antioxidants and AHA’s.
5. Moisturize the skin on your face twice daily.
6. Reduce stress. (Try reading, exercising, meditating) 15 minutes a day is a good start.
7. Reduce alcohol consumption. Over indulging can put enormous strain on your system and will accelerate wrinkles forming.
8. Eat healthily by incorporating plenty of fruits and vegetables in your daily diet.
9. Sleep at least 8 hours every night.
10. Eat fish three times a week. Great for the skin and general health.
11. Check with your doctor about taking supplements, your diet may be lacking some of the important ones.
12. Use an eye cream for the delicate skin around the eyes nightly.
13. Facial scrubs remove the build up of dead cells that can increase the appearance of wrinkles, try this weekly.
14. Use natural skin care products that will nourish your skin and give it lots of vitamins and minerals to help it stay fresh and healthy.
15. Jojoba oil resembles the skins natural oils. Dab this around the eyes to keep wrinkles at bay.
16. Take vitamin C supplements and use products that contain vitamin C, it will help boost your collagen.
17. Start a good skin care routine in your 20’s. Prevention is easier than the cure.
18. Honey is known worldwide for it’s beneficial abilities. Use a honey mask weekly. Simply apply the honey to your face and neck and leave for 30 minutes then rinse off. This mask will “feed” your skin with nutrients.
19. Aloe Vera and Avocado oil both have the ability to prevent the skin from drying out; they are both used to improve the skins elasticity.
20. A soothing way to help achieve a wrinkle-free face is to lie on your back with your knees elevated by placing a pillow or cushion beneath them.

Try this when you are watching TV or reading.

Choosing An Anti-aging Eye Cream

When it comes to choosing an antiaging eye cream, the possibilities are endless. The choices range from high end department store brands, to affordable names brands and can be found in all shapes, sizes, and forms. So you can imagine that when it comes time to choose an antiaging eye cream that will produce the best results for you, the job is a tough one. Whether your target area is above the eye, below the eye, or the eyelashes, the possibilities are definitely there.

For the Eyelashes

Although not your ordinary antiaging eye cream, the products available for your eyelashes are enriched with a complex of lecithin along with plant extracts. It’s meant to promote growth of the lashes, and is clinically proven to do so while conditioning your existing lashes. Many Internet websites and beauty stores carry this type of treatment, so your best bet is to shop around for particular differences in products as well as price.

Wrinkle Reducers

A few different kinds of antiaging eye cream can be found that reduce wrinkles while promoting healthy skin. Some of these wrinkle reducers are left on over night and then washed off, while others are meant to be used under makeup or as a lotion alone. The severity of the eye lines you are trying to reduce or smooth will probably make a big difference in which type of antiaging eye cream you decide to use. For more deep lines or crows feet, you will probably want to sue an overnight treatment, couple with a leave on treatment. And for softer lines that need just a bit of smoothing, a leave on conditioner should do the trick.

Age Defying Choices

In addition to worrying about wrinkles, lines, and brittle eyelashes, we simply want to defy our age. It’s natural, as getting older means feeling older. What better way to feel younger than to look younger? With age defying antiaging eye cream choices, defying age is a possibility.

The choices in this area include firming cream and glow enhancers but the line tends to also offer natural choices such as chamomile antiaging eye cream, and herbal treatments.

Many products offer multiple benefits in one treatment, while others come in kits and require multiple steps. The severity of your problem areas don’t really matter as to whether a one step or multiple step treatment is the best choice, however pricing, time availability, and satisfaction should be the deciding factors.

Stress and Tension About Sleeping

Stress and tension are common types of medical conditions that can make the daily living of a person miserable and sad. These medical conditions can be treated. But it takes a lot of time to remove all its negative effects in the daily living of a person who doesn’t know how to achieve a good quality of sleep as the time passes by.

One of the most effective treatments that people can use to fight and eliminate the negative effects of stress and tension in their daily living is to rely on all benefits that excellent bedtime routine can offer. Relaxing bedtime routine is something that can help a person to relax and stay free from the negative effects of tiredness while preparing to sleep.

Aside from that, good quality of sleep can provide a person with a better way of living since it plays an important role in balancing the most important growth hormones in a human body. It will never fail the expectations of those individuals who want to grow healthier and strong as the time passes by regardless of the presence of tough tasks and responsibilities that are meant to be completed in their daily living.

Better Sleeps works better than Synthetic Medicine

Stress and tension will never be able to survive in the amazing healing benefits that good quality of sleep can provide in a human body. Remember, it helps a human body to be rejuvenated naturally every morning. It can also preserve the excellent status of the mental health of a person as the time passes by.

But a person doesn’t need to sleep for more than eight hours every night while aiming to fight the negative effects of stress and tension more efficiently. This is because too much sleep can make all negative effects of stress and tension in a human body worst and more difficult to treat. Excessive sleep is not good for those people who want to be protected from the negative effect of chronic diseases as well.

Many people in this world believe that synthetic medicine is the only thing that can help a patient to fight the negative effects of stress and tension more effectively. But such belief is a big mistake. This is because synthetic medicines are not really safe and effective to use in the process of treating a patient who suffers from stress and tension.

Such type of medicines have harmful side effects that can make all things more dangerous when it comes to the process of eliminating the negative effects of medical conditions that were stated in the body of a patient.
Having good sleeping habits is one of the most effective ways on how to fight stress and tension naturally.

Those people who don’t know how to improve their sleeping habits will never be able to protect themselves from the different kinds of sleep disorders that stress and tension might create in their health status. Remember, stressful moments and tension are included in the list of medical conditions that can also affect the ability of an individual to fall asleep faster during evening hours.

Keep a Regular Schedule In Sleeping

Time management plays an important role in the process of providing a person with a rejuvenating sleep every night. It’s one of the most significant factors that can really help a person to sleep for almost eight hours during evening hours while aiming to have a good quality of sleep. Time management usually allows a person to manage a set of activities more effectively during day hours. It can help a person to accomplish a task faster and more efficiently from time to time.

Proper time management can always provide a person with a chance to attain a good quality of sleep every night since it works excellently in the process of preventing stressful moments. It’s one of the things that can help a person fight the negative effects of stress more effectively. Time management can also provide a person with a sufficient amount of time for relaxation every night while preparing to sleep and it starts with the ability of a person to keep a regular schedule.

It’s really important to keep a regular schedule while aiming to achieve a good quality of nightly sleep every night. This is because it can help a person manage several tasks easily while reserving sufficient amount of time for sleep during evening hours.

Time Management and Sleep

Proper time management is very important in the process of organizing a regular schedule. It helps people maximize the use of time in their daily routines. To keep a regular schedule can provide several kinds of amazing benefits in the daily living of a person.

First, it allows a person to save more time in the process of accomplishing a set of tasks. Therefore, it works excellently in the process of increasing the daily productivity of an individual. Second, it’s a powerful protection against stress that people can use regularly to keep their daily living happy and highly protected from the negative effects of stress as the time passes by.

In other words, it can also help people protect themselves from several kinds of sleep disorders that can be associated with stress and anxiety. But the most interesting benefit that it can offer in the daily living of all people in this world is a good quality of nightly sleep.

Time management allows a person to keep a regular schedule in a very excellent way. An eight-hour sleep during evening hours will never be too difficult for a person to achieve with the help of this amazing strategy. It will not just provide a person with a rejuvenating sleep every night. But also, it can help a person to be more enthusiastic and full of energy during day hours.

It also encourages a person to spend more time on recreational activities during day hours instead of having a siesta. Those people who don’t want to be victimized by any type of sleep disorder for the rest of their lives should never hesitate to rely on all benefits that proper time management can provide in their daily living.

Sleeping Habits for Better Living

Many people in this world believe that better living starts with good sleeping habits. Scientific studies have proven that good quality of sleep can help people stay strong and full of energy in their daily living. Such things play an important role in the process of enhancing the overall status of an individual. People can leave happily for the rest of their lives if all of them will never fail to achieve all requirements that are necessary in achieving a good quality of sleep.

Good sleeping habits were proven effective when it comes to the process of preserving the good health of a person who deserves to live longer in this world. Healthy diet and regular exercise are not sufficient when it comes to the process of providing a person with a better way of living.

Such things are still useless if a good quality of sleep is not available in the daily living of a person. Lack of good quality of sleep can make a person weak and prone to several kinds of serious medical conditions as the time passes by. Studies have also proven that poor quality of nightly sleep can make a person fat and prone to the negative effects of obesity.

Start a Better Way of Living with Good Quality of Sleep

Good quality of sleep is one of the things that can really provide a person with s better way of living in this world as the time passes by. It allows a human body to be rejuvenated in a very natural way. In addition to that, it keeps a person protected from several kinds of harmful sleep disorders that are not too easy to treat and can destroy the excellent health status of an individual in an instant when not treated properly.

There’s no need to rely on sleeping pills while trying to start a better way of living with good quality of sleep. This is because it’s too easy to achieve with good sleeping habits and a relaxing bedtime routine. Good sleeping habits usually encourage a person to sleep for almost eight hours every day. It can prevent the production of harmful toxins in the brain and other parts of the body of a person when regularly executed.

It’s more reliable and efficient than dietary supplements, sleeping pills and other types of synthetic medicines that are containing processed ingredients. Executing good sleeping habits or routine regularly is the safest and most effective way of improving the overall quality of the lifestyle of an individual.

Such things have an amazing ability to keep a person active and reliable during day hours. Good quality of sleep is something that can help an individual to become more productive and always protected from several kinds of serious medical conditions at all times.

Sleep Basics

Sleep can help people fight the negative effects of stress and tiredness more effectively every day. It’s something that alters the consciousness of an individual while resting during evening hours. This naturally recurring state allows the mental health and body of a person to be rejuvenated regularly every morning.

If people will never sleep regularly at night, their bodies will suffer from several kinds of serious medical conditions and diseases. Poor quality of sleep usually encourages the brain to release several kinds of harmful toxins in the different parts of a human body. These toxins allow a human body to suffer from cancer, heart diseases, obesity/overweight cases and other dangerous medical conditions that are not too easy to treat.

Poor quality of sleep can also make a person weak and irritated every day. It’s one of the things that can make a person vulnerable to the negative effects of stress every day. An individual has to sleep for almost eight hours every night in order to experience all benefits that a rejuvenating sleep can provide.

Effective Ways to Achieve a Good Quality of Nightly Sleep

There are so many things that can affect the ability of a person to achieve a good quality of sleep every night. One of these factors is an uncomfortable sleeping environment. Those people who usually sleep in places that are always surrounded with light have uncomfortable sleeping environment. The same thing goes to those individuals whose bedrooms are not too far from public highways where several kinds of noises that can be produced by vehicles and pedestrians are always available.

One of the most effective ways to have a good quality of nightly sleep is to prepare a safe and comfortable sleeping environment. Look for a place that’s always free and protected from noise pollution that can be produced by several kinds of environmental noises. Construct a bedroom in its area and provide its windows with wonderful curtains where sunlight can’t enter during sunrise.

An excellent sleeping environment refers to a place that’s totally inaccessible for all things that can disturb a person while sleeping like environment noises and light. Another effective way to achieve a good quality of sleep every night is to practice good sleeping habits regularly. Don’t use mobile phones and portable computers at night especially while preparing to sleep.

The light that comes from the screen of the electronic devices that were stated has strong impact to the ability of a person to sleep easily at night. Don’t eat several amounts of food at night and avoid eating midnight snacks for all these things have negative effects to the ability of a person to achieve good quality of nightly sleep as well.

Learn how to relax while preparing to sleep. Remember, people can’t afford to be restless and afraid of something while preparing to sleep. Try to learn how to relax an hour before bedtime for it can also help in providing a human body with a rejuvenating sleep during evening hours.

Bedtime Routine

A relaxing bedtime routine is always important in the process of providing a person with good quality of sleep every night. It’s something that can help a person fall asleep easily during evening hours without taking a sleeping pill that’s very harmful and full of synthetic ingredients.

A comprehensive knowledge on how to relax more effectively before bedtime is a great advantage for those people who want to have an excellent bedtime routine in their daily living. Excellent bedtime routine is one of the things that can help a person to sleep more comfortably during evening hours.

Several individuals in the different parts of the globe have already proven that relaxing bedtime routine works excellently in the process of providing an individual with a rejuvenating sleep every day. This is because it encourages a person to relax and rest more comfortably while preparing to sleep. It’s something that can relieve all negative effects of stress and tiredness in a human body in a very efficient way.

It will never fail the expectations of those individuals who always want to be protected from the negative effects of sleep disorders like insomnia for the rest of their lives. Some people consider it the most effective solution to all problems of those individuals who always suffer from sleepless nights. In this article, people will learn the most effective ways on how to achieve a relaxing bedtime routine.

Establish Relaxing Bedtime Routine with these Steps

The process of creating a relaxing bedtime routine takes a lot of time and effort. A person who really wants to have a good quality of sleep every day should never give up in the completion of all its standard requirements. One of the most important things that a person has to accomplish while aiming to understand the real meaning of a relaxing bedtime routine is a regular or fixed schedule.

There’s a need to master the most effective tips on proper time management while aiming to create an excellent bedtime routine. Remember, proper time management allows a person to accomplish several tasks faster and most efficiently every day. It’s something that can provide an individual with a sufficient amount of time for relaxation and sleep during evening hours.

A person who wants to have a good quality of sleep every night should perform a relaxing activity an hour before bedtime. One good example of a relaxing activity that a person can perform while preparing to sleep is to lie on a bed for several minutes while thinking of happy moments in life. Turn off the lights and don’t use any type of electronic gadget at this stage.

Play a relaxing music with slow tempo and wonderful melody while relaxing and then turn off the player when it’s already time to sleep. Don’t forget to organize an excellent bedtime schedule while aiming to achieve the best benefits that a relaxing bedtime routine can provide to all people in this world who deserve to be protected from the negative effects of restlessness, irritability, sleeplessness and serious medical conditions for the rest of their lives.

Replacing Junk Food with Healthy Snacks

Who don’t love junk foods? Almost everyone is craving for the delicious tastes of these ready-to-eat food items, which are more loved by most children in several countries. However, parents should know that too much eating of junk foods of their children might lead to unhealthy lifestyle. Know how to replace junk foods with healthy snacks in this article.

Getting Healthy Snacks over Junk Food

Junk food pertains to any food item that contains low or no nutritional value. However, today, it seems that this type of food has already been consumed by lots of people of all ages, especially young children. You do not want junk foods to consume your child, so how exactly could you keep your child away from these unhealthy snacks?

As a parent, you know for the fact that junk foods won’t make your children healthy, and it could be difficult to find ways to prevent their craving to it, as they are found everywhere. In this case, what you need is an effective alternative to junk food. Junk food has provided “snacking” a bad impression. Actually, taking snacks between meals is never a bad idea, depending on your food choices though.

So, if you want to give your child with some healthy snacks, consider the following:

  • Popcorn – The fat within these microwave brands may be the mere negative here. You can go for healthier versions, having 98 percent fat-free. When you choose plain popcorn, it is fine to sprinkle a bit of butter or margarine (no trans-fat). It is better than those full-fat brands in which you cannot control the added fat.
  • Ice Cream – Let’s be real. Everyone knows ice cream is not a daily snack. However, there are some fine choices within the ice cream land. Breyer’s Light Vanilla can be one of the best tasting vanillas. In addition, fudge bars could be very delicious. They will suffice your ice cream and chocolate craving. Furthermore, they have 4g soluble fiber, roughly any fat, 80 calories, and extremely fine flavor.
  • Fruit And Fruit Smoothies – These are really fine snack choices. For a sustainable, complete snack, you can produce some fruit smoothies for your child. The dairy should sustain you.
  • Cookies – This is a healthy choice for a snack. You can make some creative cookies that will lure your kids from trying some on their snacks. Cookies are something that kids will really enjoy, put some effort though.
  • Crackers And Cheese – This can be another great choice only when you choose a reduced-fat cheese, which tastes really good. Reduced fat means greater amount of protein. Crackers must be low-fat wholegrain in order for it to become a healthy snack. More fat contained in a cracker means more trans-fat it would contain.
  • Frozen Yogurt/Yogurt – If your child does not like drinking milk, yogurt can be a great alternative source for calcium. Yogurt does not require sugar in order to taste good. Purchase plain yogurt and complement it with something, such as fruit and low-fat granola, for a really healthy snack.
  • Cereals – This is a good choice for a healthy snack. But, make sure to choose low-sugar, high-fiber cereals such as oatmeal.
  • Frozen Fruit/Popsicles Bars – Another fine snack, these bars can be great addition to your healthy junk food alternative. However, you have to go for the right ones. There are a few excellent choices around, including the 100 percent fruit-juice selections out there.
  • Candy Bars – When you give your child the mini-sized ones and not the oversized, candy bars can be a fine choice. Do not deprive your child to eating something, as it will only lead them to compulsively overeating.

Naturally Regulate Sleep Cycles

The process of regulating sleep cycles has never been too easy in this world especially to those professional individuals and businessmen who don’t have consistent work schedules. This is a huge burden in the daily living of those individuals who want to have a good quality of sleep in their daily living.

There are so many ways to regulate sleep cycles naturally. People don’t need to rely on sleeping pills while trying to regulate their sleep cycles more effectively. Some of the new discoveries in field of Science nowadays have proven all individuals in this world can naturally regulate their sleep cycles without spending a lot of effort by changing their sleeping environment positively and controlling their diet more efficiently.

Read the remaining parts of this article to understand the most effective ways on how to regulate sleep cycles naturally. Many people have inconsistent schedules due to their job descriptions and nature of work. Such reality makes the process of achieving a good quality of sleep more difficult for almost 50% of the total population in this world. But with the help of Science and modern technology, scientists have successfully discovered the most effective ways on how to naturally regulate sleep cycles when needed.

Two Steps on How to Naturally Regulate Sleep Cycles

There are two steps to follow while aiming to regular sleep cycles naturally. Sleeping pills are not needed in the process of completing all these steps. First, try to create a sleeping environment that’s always inaccessible for light. Construct a bedroom in an area that’s always protected from sunlight and provide its windows with curtains.

Make sure that its location is not too close in places where environmental noises are always available like public highways/streets and playgrounds. Good sleeping environment is one of the most effective strategies that people can use to regulate their sleep cycles naturally in accordance to the sudden changes in their schedules. But this is not enough in providing good quality of sleep for those individuals who don’t have consistent schedules.

The second step on how to naturally regulate sleep cycles is to have a quick change in diet. Don’t eat for almost 16 hours while preparing for a new change in sleep schedule. This is the most important strategy that a person has to execute while aiming to regulate sleep cycles naturally.

It can help people adapt to new changes in their sleep schedules more effectively without relying on all benefits that sleeping pills can offer. These steps on how to regulate sleep cycles naturally are 100% safe and effective. Remember these steps always while aiming to learn the most effective ways on how to naturally regulate sleep cycles. It’s unwise to rely on sleeping pills since these products contain synthetic ingredients that can cause harmful side effects on a human body.

Recognizing Stressful Situations

A huge part of dealing with stressful situations and managing to be able to regain your state of calm when things start to go off course is recognizing what an impending stressful situation looks like. Of course, this isn’t always going to be possible as some stressful situations in your life may be genuinely out of the blue, but for the most part, you will at least be able to notice when your stress levels begin to rise.

Noticing Your Stress

When you are starting to feel stressed out, you will notice your stress levels rising. You may feel nervous, agitated, sweaty, faint, or you may start to get a headache. Understanding the physical symptoms which you experience when you are stressed is key to noticing when your stress levels are rising, recognizing stressful situations, and getting everything back under control.

One of the worst mistakes that you can make is to try and ignore your stress and hope that it will go away – this will not work. In order to best manage and get control over the stressful thoughts and emotions, it’s absolutely essential to accept them before attempting to deal with them. Once you have noticed a stressful thought, it is easier pin down the cause of your stress in your attempt to deal with it.

How to Manage Stressful Thoughts

However important the ability to notice stressful and anxious thoughts may be, it’s a useless skill if you do not know how to deal with and manage these thoughts once you have dealt with them. There are a multitude of different ways in which you could deal with stressful and worrisome thoughts and feelings, and it is really down to you finding out which coping techniques and methods work well for you.

Some common coping techniques include:

  • Breathing techniques;
  • Taking a break;
  • Listening to music;
  • Going outside;
  • Taking a walk;
  • Switching off your phone and other connected devices;
  • Talking to somebody you trust, or
  • Eating a healthy snack.

Of course, these are all different techniques, and whilst some may work great for others, they may not be what suits you. You may also find your own personal coping techniques which are not listed here. In the end, dealing with stressful thoughts, feelings and situations is all down to finding what works best for you and applying it when these situations arise.

Finding Your Techniques

When it comes to discovering which relaxation techniques for dealing with stress work well for you, it is absolutely vital to have patience with yourself. If you have never used any anxiety-busting or stress-busting techniques before, it can often take a while for you to discover which ones actually make a difference to you as compared to those which don’t work at all.

The key here is to try not to be disheartened if a certain technique doesn’t work for you – it’s OK, you can just try another one. You also need to be aware of the fact that relaxation and stress-busting techniques not work-ing when you try them could make you feel even more stressed. However, once you have figured out what works well for you and know exactly when and how to use it, you will have made a huge step in controlling your stress levels and encouraging a life which is calm and collected.

Finding Your Stressors

We all have things in our lives that stress us out more than others. Understanding what causes you to feel the most stressed out is absolutely vital to taking control of your life and your stress levels. When you’re stressed about something but not quite sure why, it can make you feel even more stressed – some people end up in situations where they are stressing about their own levels of stress, further intensifying the condition.

Being able to pinpoint your stressors in life not only means that it is easier for you to know what to avoid in order to keep stress at bay, but it can also help you stay in control as you will be able to better prepare ahead for most situations which include your particular stressors. Discovering what stresses you out the most is all about being to-tally honest with yourself.When you are feeling particularly anxious, you should ask yourself what it is that you are worried about.

Sometimes, you may find that small things which would not usually worry you are stressing you out if this is happening, you need to understand that it is usually the result of a knock-on-effect from other stressors, perhaps over an extended period of time. It can be helpful to enlist the services of a therapist when dealing with your stressors, especially if you suffer from a lot of stress which is related to a traumatic past experience.

Being In Control

The key to a life which is calm and has minimal stress is to be in control of it at all times. Staying in control not only means being on top of thing such as your diet, finances, and lifestyle, but also your own thought processes and energy. Staying in control of your own mind by making sure that your body and mind is getting the right nutrition, adequate exercise, and little harm from bad lifestyle habits is absolutely important when it comes to achieving a life which is calm and relatively stress-free.

Understanding how to harness your thoughts is one of the main goals of managing stress and anxiety. Rather than allowing your thoughts to run away with you, being in control – both physically and mentally – means that you can catch stressful thoughts when they first appear and use a range of techniques to deal with them efficiently.

Keep a Regular Schedule In Sleeping

Time management plays an important role in the process of providing a person with a rejuvenating sleep every night. It’s one of the most significant factors that can really help a person to sleep for almost eight hours during evening hours while aiming to have a good quality of sleep. Time management usually allows a person to manage a set of activities more effectively during day hours. It can help a person to accomplish a task faster and more efficiently from time to time.

Proper time management can always provide a person with a chance to attain a good quality of sleep every night since it works excellently in the process of preventing stressful moments. It’s one of the things that can help a person fight the negative effects of stress more effectively. Time management can also provide a person with a sufficient amount of time for relaxation every night while preparing to sleep and it starts with the ability of a person to keep a regular schedule.

It’s really important to keep a regular schedule while aiming to achieve a good quality of nightly sleep every night. This is because it can help a person manage several tasks easily while reserving sufficient amount of time for sleep during evening hours.

Time Management and Sleep

Proper time management is very important in the process of organizing a regular schedule. It helps people maximize the use of time in their daily routines. To keep a regular schedule can provide several kinds of amazing benefits in the daily living of a person.

First, it allows a person to save more time in the process of accomplishing a set of tasks. Therefore, it works excellently in the process of increasing the daily productivity of an individual. Second, it’s a powerful protection against stress that people can use regularly to keep their daily living happy and highly protected from the negative effects of stress as the time passes by.

In other words, it can also help people protect themselves from several kinds of sleep disorders that can be associated with stress and anxiety. But the most interesting benefit that it can offer in the daily living of all people in this world is a good quality of nightly sleep.

Time management allows a person to keep a regular schedule in a very excellent way. An eight-hour sleep during evening hours will never be too difficult for a person to achieve with the help of this amazing strategy. It will not just provide a person with a rejuvenating sleep every night. But also, it can help a person to be more enthusiastic and full of energy during day hours.

It also encourages a person to spend more time on recreational activities during day hours instead of having a siesta. Those people who don’t want to be victimized by any type of sleep disorder for the rest of their lives should never hesitate to rely on all benefits that proper time management can provide in their daily living.

Your Stress-Busting Diet

When you’re stressed out, the foods that you’re turning to are most likely going to be traditional ‘comfort’ foods – think big meals, takeaways, fatty foods, sweet foods, and alcohol. Let’s face it – we’ve all found some comfort in a tasty meal and a bottle of beer or glass of wine when we’ve been stressed out or upset about something. However, this isn’t a good permanent solution.

When you’re turning to unhealthy foods you can feel better tem-porarily, but in the long run, you will feel worse. When your body isn’t getting the right nutrition, you can begin to feel less energet-ic, more lethargic, and in some cases less able to concentrate and focus. All of this can lead to even more stress.

Foods that Fight Stress

If you’ve been feeling more stressed out than usual lately, it’s im-portant to know which foods are best to choose and which to avoid when it comes to combatting stress and helping you to deal with feelings of stress and anxiety. The best way to fight stress is to have a healthy, balanced diet which includes a moderate amount of each of the different food groups.

Filling up on foods such as whole grains, leafy vegetables, and lean proteins as the basic staples of the diet is the best way to ensure that your body gets the optimum amounts of nutrients to fight both physical and mental health problems. When it comes to choosing the foods to eat, some have a range of great properties which help the body to combat stress. Choosing stress-busting for foods will help to heal and calm your mind permanently, rather than providing a tempo-rary fix.

Some of the best stress-fighting foods include:

  • Avocado – Avocados are a creamy and versatile fruit which can be eaten in a range of different ways whether you enjoy it raw, made into sauces, dressings and dips, or in a smooth-ie. These nutrient-dense fruits have the properties to stress-proof your body, thanks to their high glutathione content which specifically blocks the intestinal absorption of certain fats which cause oxidative damage. Avocados also contain higher levels of vitamin E, folate, and beta-carotene than any other fruit, which boosts their stress-busting properties. However, be careful with portion control when eating avoca-do, as it is high in fat.
  • Blueberries – If you’re feeling stressed out and reaching for the snacks, swapping chocolate or chips for one of the best superfoods is a great way to help you deal with your stress levels and achieve a higher level of calm. Blueberries have some of the highest levels of antioxidants, especially antho-cyanin, which means that this berry has been linked to a wide range of health benefits including sharper cognition, better focus, and a clearer mind – all of which can help you to better deal with stress.
  • Chamomile Tea – Of course, it’s not all about what you’re eating when it comes to managing stress, as what you’re drinking can also alleviate or worsen stress. Drinking liquids which are high in sugars and caffeine, such as coffee, ener-gy drinks or soda, can actually increase your stress levels if consumed regularly. Chamomile tea has long been used as a natural bedtime soother, and it has also been used in clini-cal trials, which determined that chamomile tea is effective in reducing the symptoms of generalized anxiety disorder.
  • Chocolate – Although it’s usually seen as an unhealthy treat, there is an undeniable link between chocolate and our mood. Studies have shown that eating chocolate can actually make you happier. However, that doesn’t mean that you can start munching on chocolate bars every time your stressed out – chocolate works best as a de-stressor when eaten in moder-ation and as part of a healthy and balanced diet. Dark chocolate in particular is best for you, as it contains more flavonols and polyphenols, two hugely important antioxidants which can help combat stress, more than many fruit juices.
  • Beef – Grass-fed beef is not only kinder to the planet and to animals, it’s also good for people, too. Grass-fed beef has a huge range of antioxidants, including beta-carotene and Vit-amins C and E, which can help your body to fight stress and anxiety. If you’re looking for more reasons to spend a little more money on organic, grass-fed beef, it’s also lower in fat than grain-fed beef whilst being higher in omega-3.
  • Oatmeal – Oatmeal is great in that it can be a filling comfort food, but also has a large number of healthy property to ac-tually make you feel better from the inside out. A complex carbohydrate, eating oatmeal causes your brain to produce higher levels of the feel-good chemical serotonin, helping you to feel calmer and less stressed. Studies have shown that kids who choose oatmeal for breakfast tend to be much sharper throughout the morning in school compared to kids who had alternative morning meals.
  • Walnuts – If you’re looking for a healthy snacking option which will help you to stay better in control of your stress levels, walnuts are a great choice. There is no denying the sweet, pleasant flavor of walnuts and they can be a tasty snack for in-between meals or as part of a desert. A versatile nut, walnuts are great for salads, or add them to a sweet treat such as coffee and walnut cake.
  • Pistachios – another food which is great for snacking on and can also help to combat stress and anxiety in the long term is pistachios. Studies have found that simply eating two small, snack-size portions of pistachios per day lowers vas-cular constriction when you are stressed, putting less pres-sure on your heart by further dilating your arteries. Along with this, the rhythmic, repetitive act of shelling pistachios can actually be quite therapeutic!
  • Green Leafy Vegetables – leafy, green vegetables should be a pivotal part of anyone’s diet. Along with helping to combat stress, leafy greens are full of nutrients and antioxidants which help to fight off disease and leave your body feeling healthier and more energized. Dark leafy greens, for exam-ple spinach, are especially good for you since they are rich in folate, which helps your body to produce more mood-regulating neurotransmitters such as serotonin, which is a ‘feel-good’ chemical. Making leafy greens a part of your diet will help you to feel happier and less stressed out overall.
  • Fermented foods – last but not least, eating fermented foods such as yoghurt can help to keep your gut healthy, which ac-tually in turn will help to improve your mental health and re-duce stress levels. The beneficial bacteria which are found in fermented foods such as yoghurt actually have a direct effect on your brain chemistry and transmit positive mood and be-havior regulating signals to your brain via the vagus nerve.

Putting Together Your Diet Plan

Planning your meals wisely is key to not only staying physically fit and healthy, but also to staying mentally strong and being able to best manage your levels of stress. Knowing which foods to avoid and which are the best to reach for to snack on when you’re feeling worried and anxious is important to helping you get control over your emotions and fears.

When you’re feeling stressed, you may be tempted to reach for classic ‘comfort foods’ – usually foods which are laden with sugar, very starchy, or greasy. How-ever, although these foods can make you feel momentarily better, they will actually make you feel worse in the long run.

Having stress-busting snacks such as fresh berries, dark chocolate, yo-ghurt, walnuts or pistachios, or even a fruit smoothie with avocado and leafy greens in it can help you to feel better in both the short and long term when it comes to stress.When it comes to combating and dealing with stress in the long run, it’s important to make sure that for the most part, you are eat-ing a diet which is healthy and balanced.

In order to stay on track, it’s a good idea to make a meal plan for your week and plan ahead to make sure that you have a good selection of these stress-busting foods in your kitchen to make meals and snacks from when you’re feeling like stress-eating. Making sure that the majority of your meals include foods such as lean proteins and leafy green vegetables will not only make you feel healthier over-all, but can improve your mental health and stress levels, too.

A good example of a healthy, stress-busting menu would be:

Breakfast: Oatmeal with berries or a fruit smoothie with avocado and berries
Mid-morning snack: Natural yoghurt with fruit or a handful of pis-tachio nuts
Lunch: A pasta salad filled with plenty of leafy greens
Afternoon snack: Dark chocolate
Dinner: Grass-fed beef with vegetables
Before bed: Chamomile tea

Of course, you don’t need to stick to this menu – but it gives you a good idea! Remember to exercise good portion control when eating foods such as nuts, chocolate, yoghurt or avocado! As the saying goes, you are what you eat – so make sure that first and foremost, you’re filling yourself up with foods which are good for your mental health.

Six Ways to Prevent Food Poisoning

With so many cases of food poisoning – approximately 48 million per year in the United States – it should be a high priority to avoid it. Food poisoning can happen to anyone, anytime, anywhere. Take some time to learn about the prevention of food poisoning to lessen the chances that you or your loved ones will be included in this statistic.

1. Be Vigilant about Washing Your Hands and All Surfaces

Cleanliness in food preparation is an absolute must. When working with food, you should wash your hands thoroughly before and after food preparation. Wash them properly, for at least 20 seconds with very warm water and soap.

Wash all surfaces thoroughly before use, in order to prevent contamination by anything that may have touched them since their last use. If you are unsure whether they are fully clean, it is better to spend a few extra minutes washing them again than to take any chances.

2. Know Who Is Preparing and Cooking Your Food

It is easy to control what goes on in your own kitchen. It is entirely another story when it comes to eating out, or eating at friends’ houses. Keep an eye on their food preparation habits, and don’t be afraid to turn down any foods that were not handled properly, even if you risk offending someone.

3. Cook Food Thoroughly

Always cook food properly. It must be cooked to a certain temperature, and for a certain amount of time. Follow the rules and don’t experiment when it comes to food safety.

4. Don’t Leave Food Sitting Out

When you have finished eating, put the leftovers away immediately. When you remove something from the fridge or freezer in order to use it, put it back as soon as you are finished. Don’t allow food to sit around, being exposed to temperatures that make it easy for bacteria to grow.

5. Avoid Cross-Contamination

When you are storing foods, keep raw meats away from fresh produce. In the freezer, don’t set bags of frozen food close to ice cube trays, because this may contaminate the ice cubes when they touch each other. Don’t use utensils for one food and then another. Each food has its own rules about how long it needs to be cooked, so keep dishes and utensils separate and free of cross-contamination.

6. Don’t Take Chances

Some of us are terrified of being wasteful. Being overly cautious of this, however, can lead to poor choices when it comes to food safety.

If you can’t remember what day you originally ate your leftovers, and they might be more than three days old, throw them away. If a food smells slightly rancid, throw it away. If a food has a “best before” date that has already passed, throw it away.

Never take chances on your health, or that of your family. It is better to lose a few dollars by throwing food away, than to end up in hospital in severe pain.

Food poisoning is a common illness, but it does not have to happen to you. Simply learn these tips on how to prevent it. Enjoy preparing and cooking your food in a healthy, happy way.

Online Dating Etiquette

There are some basic rules of dating that apply whether you’re dating online or not, but there are some that are unique to online dating. Let’s go over a few of them. Hint: they all start with being honest.

Use Recent Photos

It’s not fair to use a picture from your senior year of high school if you’re ten years past high school. Get a recent picture just for your profile. Have a friend take it, use your smartphone, or use the webcam on your laptop.

You don’t need a professional headshot – and to be honest a professional headshot doesn’t really say who you really are. Whether we like it or not, people are visual creatures and if you lie about something as basic as your appearance, you aren’t going to be successful. It’s okay to show your best features, but don’t look so different in your profile that they won’t know who you are if they see you in person.

Let Your Freak Flag Fly

Before you even go on a date, if you know that you have certain issues, fetishes or social differences, say so in your profile – or at least when you talk to the person before you go on a date. It can be a deal breaker for some people who otherwise like you to know that you like to be diapered like a baby. For others, it might be their thing.

It’s hard to talk about these things when you haven’t even met someone, but with online dating, it’s expected that there will be fewer surprises on the “getting to know you phase” of the date. Plus, if something is important to you, enough that you’re going to eventually bring it up with someone you like, you best bring it up before so that you don’t get hurt or waste your time.

Be Truthful

Don’t lie and say you run a big corporation when you don’t. You don’t have to brag about living in your mom’s basement, but you shouldn’t lie about it either. Dating is about being yourself, and the only way to do that is to be truthful on the dating profile and in conversations with others about your situation in life.

You may be surprised to find out that other people are in the same boat and don’t care as much as you may have thought. Dating isn’t acting. Dating is real. Dating is most often about potentially finding a life partner and if you’re not interested in that, say so from the beginning on your profile – not after the fifth date.

Respond Only If Interested

It may seem cruel, but you really shouldn’t talk to people you know that you’re not going to be interested in and will never meet no matter what. If they’re not right for you, don’t respond to them. If they keep contacting you just say, “Thank you very much for your interest but I don’t believe we are compatible.” If they continue, or are jerks due to it, block them and move on.

Also, some people seem to like to go on dates out of boredom, even when they know that they will never go on another date with that person. Please don’t do this. Only meet up with a person if you think there is a potential based on your mutual reasons for being on the online dating app.

This is especially a problem when someone wants others to pay for the dinners but have no intentions of even considering another date. Same with those who are only after sex but don’t admit it in their profiles. Don’t date someone looking for love and marriage if you only want sex.


When you do finally connect with someone, it’s imperative that you stop talking and listen to them. Many people report that dates tend to do all the talking and they never ask questions about the other person. So, if the person isn’t talking, ask them questions about themselves that you don’t know from their profile.

The more you ask them questions about themselves, the more favorable the date will seem to them. However, on the other side, if the date isn’t also doing the same for you, you might want to question if they’re really interested in you or just the experience.

Be You Even If You Risk Rejection

Don’t try to put on a fake personality. If you’re not outgoing, don’t be outgoing. If you’re not talkative, don’t try to be. If you don’t like going to certain types of movies, don’t go to that movie. If you don’t like hiking, don’t hike. You should be who you are even if you risk rejection. The reason is that no one can maintain a false persona forever.

Someday the real you will come out and if you’ve attached yourself to someone who wants to do things all the time you don’t want to do, it will not work out in the long run. Ideally, you want to meet someone who likes doing the same things you like doing. It’s not really true that opposites attract and work out. They might attract at first, but for a good long-term situation, you both must be willing and happy to engage in the things the other person likes to do.

Offer to Pay

This is always a tricky one and it does depend on what you want out of life. The way it should work in an equal society is the person who planned the date should pay. When you get to know each other more, perhaps the person with the best job should pay.

Men do not always have to pay, but men should consider that women usually make less than they do. However, on the occasion that they find a woman who earns more than them and is willing to pay, they should not take it as an insult. So again, this will depend on what you’re looking for, your age group, and what’s important to you. It’s also okay to pay your own bill and get separate tickets for first dates, and no one should feel put off by this.

Food Safety Tips for Picnics Picnics are an essential part of summer fun. It is always relaxing to get outdoors and enjoy your friends and family while indulging in each other’s cooking. Picnics are a great way to capitalize on fresh air and sunshine which, depending where you live, are not always available.

If you are planning a picnic, here are a few things you need to know beforehand about food safety.

How Long Is Food Safe?

Every type of food has different rules when it comes to storage and maintenance. Some foods are safe to be eaten even when sitting out for hours at a time, and even overnight. Other foods are touchy, need to be kept at a certain temperature, and risk going bad quickly when stored otherwise.

Bacteria grows the best between 40 and 140 degrees F, and if you leave food out longer than two hours you run the risk of ending up with a bad case of food poisoning. If the temperature outside is hotter than 90 degrees, food should not be out longer than one hour.

Another important thing to remember is that food that has been sitting out should never be put back in the fridge or used again, but instead should be thrown out. When deciding how long food can sit out, be sure to include the driving time it took to get to the function.

How to Prolong Food’s Shelf Life and Other Food Safety Tips

Plan ahead on how to store any kind of food you are taking to a picnic. Even if the food is normally fine in room temperature, picnics tend to expose it to more heat than normal, along with sunshine and various bugs and other contaminants.

Always take containers that have lids to be used when no one is using it, as this will help with proper heat control and assist in keeping germs out. When a food requires refrigeration, be sure to keep it either in a thermos that will keep it cool, or on ice. Be sure to take proper utensils to avoid a situation where individuals begin using their own cutlery to remove the food from the dish.

Foods to Pick

Most fruits and vegetables don’t require refrigeration. Along with the fact that they are healthy and contain numerous vitamins and minerals, this makes them a great choice for picnics. Bread may dry out a little, but tends to be fine with varying temperatures. Hard cheese lasts fairly well, as long as the sun isn’t shining directly on it.

Foods to Ditch

Some of the worst foods to take on a picnic include anything with meat, because of the dangers of it going bad. Although potato salad seems to make it to almost every picnic, it is a poor choice – not only because of the eggs, but the mayonnaise can go bad very quickly as well. Keep an eye open for any foods that contain serious health threats due to compromised storage temperature, or ingredients that do not hold up well in extreme conditions.

Picnics can be great fun, because what is better than fresh air, sunshine, exercise and some great food to indulge in with friends? Food safety, however, must always be kept at the forefront. With a little knowledge and a bit of pre-planning, you can make your next picnic both delicious and incident-free.

Food Safety Tips for Barbecues Barbecues are a great time to get together with friends and family. The noise of loved ones, fresh air and the wonderful aroma of barbecued foods is a recipe for a great time. But with this fun comes the responsibility of knowing all of the food safety tips for barbecues.

Proper Refrigeration

No one wants food poisoning, and because of this you need to make sure to keep your foods properly refrigerated before and after they are barbecued.

Foods, and especially meat of any kind, needs to be kept in the refrigerator as long as possible before being cooked. Don’t let the meat marinate on the shelf, as bacteria can begin to grow under these circumstances. Play it safe and move the items in your fridge around the night before so that you have ample room to store all your various foods there on the day of the barbecue.

Keep an Eye on the Temperature

Always know the temperature on the day you are having your barbecue. Whether your meat is being brought back into the house or sitting outside, know what conditions you are working with temperature-wise.

If it is a hot day, be sure to keep the meat in the shade or indoors. Don’t ever allow food to sit in direct sunlight as it can spoil very quickly. If it is hot both indoors and out, put the most sensitive items in the fridge or in a slow cooker, with a sign directing guests where to fill their plates.

Make Only as Much as Needed

When you are cooking items such as meat, make only as much as needed, plus a little more. Although everyone loves leftover barbecue, it is much more important to keep food safety rules as first priority, and to get rid of any leftovers.

Because of this, make smaller batches of food and simply quit once everyone seems to have gotten their fill. If this means that individuals have to wait for second helpings, this is preferable to food spoiling and harming your guests. Besides, they will surely be able to find someone to chat with while waiting for their steak or burger to cook.

What Meat Can Be Eaten Pink?

There are rules of barbecue safety that must be followed if you want to have an incident-free event. Pork and chicken must always be cooked thoroughly.

When it comes to beef, there is a rule of thumb that should be followed. Any meat that has ever been exposed must be cooked. That means that when it comes to steak, you can leave the inside pink if you wish, as long as the outer edges are well-cooked. For ground beef, since all of it has been ground up and exposed at some point, it must be cooked through.

Don’t Cross-Contaminate

Vegetables will not need to be cooked as long as meat. For this reason, leave your vegetable skewers and other non-meat items separate from the meat. Add the vegetables to the grill near the end when the meat is almost cooked, instead of the beginning when raw juices are on the grill.

Barbecues are a good time to showcase your cooking skills. Keep it safe and learn how to make your time enjoyable and free of food poisoning episodes. Follow these rules and you will have a great time as you barbecue, leaving your food safety worries aside.

Do’s and Don’ts When Handling Meat Meat is a part of many individuals’ meals and diet. There is a proper way to handle it in order to prevent food-borne illness. Here are some rules to follow when you are cooking with meat.

Wash Your Hands Thoroughly before Handling

Before handling the meat, or any food, be sure to wash your hands thoroughly with warm water and soap. Even if you don’t feel that you have been exposed to many germs since your last hand washing, wash them directly before preparing the food anyway. Anything on your hands can make it into your food, and because germs and bacteria are too small to be seen, there is always a risk when your hands go unwashed.

Wash Your Hands Thoroughly after Handling Raw Meat

Raw meat contains harmful bacteria that is only made safe by cooking it to the proper temperature. Every time you touch raw meat, your hands become a vehicle by which this bacteria can spread. Wash them a few times with warm water and soap, and be sure to clean under your fingernails or anywhere else the bacteria may be hiding.

Be Careful When Pets Are Around

Think your pet is too well-mannered to get into the food when you are not around? Think again. Animals are tempted by food, and leaving meat unattended in the kitchen is just asking for trouble. Cats have been known to walk across the counter when their owner has slipped out for even a few minutes, and dogs that are high enough to reach the counter can make contact with the food as well.

Don’t Allow Cross-Contamination

Always be vigilant not to allow cross-contamination in your kitchen. When handling meat, and especially raw meat, keep it separate from safer foods. Try to prepare fruits, raw vegetables and other ready-to-serve items before handling the raw meat, in order to cut down the risk of this type of cross-contamination.

Use completely separate parts of the kitchen to prepare meat, since the raw juices of meat can easily splash other food items that are nearby.

Wash Everything Thoroughly That the Raw Meat Touches

When you cut or otherwise prepare raw meat, be sure to clean any utensils and surfaces that come in contact with it. It is not enough to wipe it down, even when used along with soap. Cutting boards and plates should go into the dishwasher so as to be heated and washed intensely. You can also spritz them with vinegar, then 3% hydrogen peroxide and then rinse them well.

Utensils and other items should be stashed in the dishwasher immediately so they are not accidentally used for any other food preparation. Wash the sink thoroughly as well with soap and hot water, and then either the vinegar and hydrogen peroxide mix or a bit of bleach.

Cooking meat requires knowledge of basic food safety. It is important not to experiment when it comes to the safe handling of these particular foods. Follow these guidelines and you will be able to enjoy a great meal and keep everyone healthy at the same time.

Sleep Basics

Sleep can help people fight the negative effects of stress and tiredness more effectively every day. It’s something that alters the consciousness of an individual while resting during evening hours. This naturally recurring state allows the mental health and body of a person to be rejuvenated regularly every morning.

If people will never sleep regularly at night, their bodies will suffer from several kinds of serious medical conditions and diseases. Poor quality of sleep usually encourages the brain to release several kinds of harmful toxins in the different parts of a human body. These toxins allow a human body to suffer from cancer, heart diseases, obesity/overweight cases and other dangerous medical conditions that are not too easy to treat.

Poor quality of sleep can also make a person weak and irritated every day. It’s one of the things that can make a person vulnerable to the negative effects of stress every day. An individual has to sleep for almost eight hours every night in order to experience all benefits that a rejuvenating sleep can provide.

Effective Ways to Achieve a Good Quality of Nightly Sleep

There are so many things that can affect the ability of a person to achieve a good quality of sleep every night. One of these factors is an uncomfortable sleeping environment. Those people who usually sleep in places that are always surrounded with light have uncomfortable sleeping environment. The same thing goes to those individuals whose bedrooms are not too far from public highways where several kinds of noises that can be produced by vehicles and pedestrians are always available.

One of the most effective ways to have a good quality of nightly sleep is to prepare a safe and comfortable sleeping environment. Look for a place that’s always free and protected from noise pollution that can be produced by several kinds of environmental noises. Construct a bedroom in its area and provide its windows with wonderful curtains where sunlight can’t enter during sunrise.

An excellent sleeping environment refers to a place that’s totally inaccessible for all things that can disturb a person while sleeping like environment noises and light. Another effective way to achieve a good quality of sleep every night is to practice good sleeping habits regularly. Don’t use mobile phones and portable computers at night especially while preparing to sleep.

The light that comes from the screen of the electronic devices that were stated has strong impact to the ability of a person to sleep easily at night. Don’t eat several amounts of food at night and avoid eating midnight snacks for all these things have negative effects to the ability of a person to achieve good quality of nightly sleep as well.

Learn how to relax while preparing to sleep. Remember, people can’t afford to be restless and afraid of something while preparing to sleep. Try to learn how to relax an hour before bedtime for it can also help in providing a human body with a rejuvenating sleep during evening hours.

Top 5 Foods That Combat Stress

Nothing can ever replace the damage caused by stress to your body. Busy schedules, work deadlines, and other environmental factors promote stress and reduce the natural defenses of the body. Fortunately, there is a lot you can do to combat stress. Healthy eating has a positive effect in reducing stress in a natural and effective way.

Here are top foods that combat stress.

1. Blueberries

Blueberries are a proven stress buster. It is crammed with antioxidants that revives and rejuvenates the damaged cells in the body and relieves stress. It neutralizes free radicals in the body and prevents cell damage. It also improves the body’s response to fight stress and anxiety. Besides, blueberries also improve immunity, which again, plays a vital role in reducing stress.

2. Dark chocolate

This could be an ultimate delight for chocolate lovers. Not all chocolates have the power to combat stress in an effective way, but the dark chocolate which has a relaxing effect on your body. Studies reveal that consumption of dark chocolate shows a reduction in cortisol- the stress hormone, thereby relieving stress. The cocoa has a high amount of antioxidant that lowers the blood pressure and relaxes the blood vessels. For a calming effect, go for chocolates that have over 70 % cocoa, says experts.

3. Avocados

If you are not trying to lose weight, avocados may prove to be beneficial for combating stress. The creamy fruit contains glutathione that blocks the absorption of fats responsible for the oxidative damage. The fruit also increases satiety and you feel more satisfied. This reduces stress and promotes a better health. Since it is high in fats, consider limiting your intake by adding just half an avocado in your lunch.

4. Cashews

Nuts have always been a great snack, but cashews have an added advantage. The crunchy nut is packed with proteins and omega-3s that reduce cravings and make you feel full. They are rich in zinc that helps in preventing stress. Zinc deficiency is one of the major causes of stress and anxiety. So, replenishing your zinc stores may help in preventing stress altogether. Having a few every day may seem beneficial for anyone. Besides, they can also be a great snack for those trying to lose weight due to its high protein content.

5. Salmon

Eating salmon has many heath benefits, the major being stress relief. The fish is rich in omega-3 fatty acid which is a powerful anti-inflammatory agent. Studies show that it helps in reducing the stress hormone cortisol as well as adrenaline and induces a calming effect. People who consume salmon on a regular basis have shown a reduced level of stress as compared to those who do not. In addition to it, salmon is also a great food for your heart.

Chicken, Fish or How about Pizza? Deciding on the menu can be a challenging issue for many couples. This is because there are not only a wide range of options available but there may be a number of dietary restrictions the couple is also considering. This article will discuss some of the issues involved in selecting a menu for a wedding and provide strategies for helping a couple to deal with this process.

The very first decision a couple will have to make in regards to the menu for the wedding is the type of food they plan to offer. This may include options such as a sit down dinner with multiple courses, a buffet featuring one or more entrée items, hot or cold appetizers. The menu may be professionally catered or prepared by a friend or family member who is skilled in the kitchen. Also, there are a number of options to consider in regard to drinks. There may be an open bar, cash bar, non-alcoholic beverages only or the inclusion of a champagne toast. The budget for the wedding will figure prominently into the process of making these decisions. Sit down dinners where the guests have a choice between two or more entrees will be more expensive than a buffet featuring one or more entrees. Likewise the buffet options will typically be more expensive than receptions featuring appetizers and dessert only. Once the couple determines the type of menu they can afford, they should also consider which type of reception they would prefer. For example a multiple course sit down dinner will take longer than a buffet line so if the couple has other activities planned they may want the dinner portion of the evening to be kept short.

Many couples get caught up in worrying over dietary constraints that close friends or family members may have. These may be medical induced constraints such as requiring a low sugar or low salt diet or requiring the omission of foods that trigger allergic reactions or they may be based on personal preference such as eating a vegetarian or vegan diet due to certain beliefs. There may be religious limitations on the type of food guests are able to eat. In general the couple should not allow these dietary constraints to dictate the menu decisions unless the majority of the guests share these dietary limitations. However, if there only a few guests who have special dietary needs the couple can plan a menu based on their personal preferences but request special meals for these few guests. Most caterers will provide a few special meals either at no extra cost or for a very small fee.

Finally, couples should realize this is their wedding day and should make decisions they will be happy with instead of worrying too much about making everyone else happy. It is very important for the couple to celebrate in the way that will be most meaningful to them because this is a day they will remember forever. There are certainly couples who will not be happy unless they have the most elegant menu possible while others will be happy with a much simpler menu. Whether that means filet mignon in the most elegant reception hall or cheeseburgers at a local restaurant doesn’t matter as long as the couples will enjoy and cherish the celebration.

Healing Fundamentals

Table Of Contents


Chapter 01 ・The Basics of Herbal Healing

Chapter 02 – Treating Wounds Naturally with Herbs

Chapter 03 – How To Treat Acne With Herbs?

Chapter 04 – How To Treat Anxiety And Depression With Herbs?

Chapter 05 ・How Can Herbs help Cancer Patients?

Chapter 06 – Body Detox With Herbs

Chapter 07 ・Can Herbs Relieve Headaches And Tension?

Chapter 08 – Herbs For Helping With Lung Conditions

Chapter 09 – Top 5 Herbs To Keep On Hand

Chapter 10 – Being Cautious About Using Herbs



Disease isn’t complicated it’s really very easy and the application of good sense techniques may defeat any disease. All microbes and viruses are weak and may be defeated easily with cleaning and nutrition.

Disease is a joke if you recognize what to do and you’re willing to do what it takes to heal yourself. And as they state 鍍he truth will set you free・ and that’s simply where you can, free. If you require drama and a health system that’s more about disease than it is about wellness, simply go to your nearest doctor or hospital solely. If you’re seeking vibrant health and a long and fruitful life you’ve come to the correct place for complimentary therapy.

Herbal Healing Fundamentals

Chapter 01 – The Basics of Herbal Healing


With the increase of diseases, illnesses, and ailments sometimes turning to just medical science is not enough. Besides being costly some of the treatments can be long and stressful, further adding to the already depressive conditions.

The use of herbal healing as a form of treatment is almost considered normal in non industrialized countries. Here the traditions dictate the use of herbal healing.

To Get You Started

Herbal healing is fast gaining popularity in the past decade. Though practiced in many ancient cultures as the first recourse to healing, it is just becoming a sought after style of healing for the modern world.

The availability of herbal healing products is no longer limited to what the older generation can prepare but is now available for all, in drug stores, supermarkets, pharmacies and other conventional outlets.

With thousands of herbs and combinations available to treat the various ailments, all it takes is a little research to find the ones that suit the needs at hand.

Though considered relatively safe because of the natural factor these herbs consists of, nevertheless is would be wise to seek the guidance of someone who is well versed in the practice of using herbs to heal, treat or control a certain condition.

As most of the herbal concoctions are fairly concentrated there may be the danger that some of the ingredients though natural may have adverse effects on the individual.

The basis of many pharmaceutical forays are in the vast possibilities of herbal healing compounds and ingredients. A lot of money and time is put into the researchers of finding and promoting the next best herbal cure for the various medical conditions the world faces today.

This is further recommended because of the little or no side effects in its consumption and also because of all the natural elements it contains when compared to chemically based and produced medications.

Chapter 02 – Treating Wounds Naturally with Herbs


There are lots of different herbs for different uses, made available by nature itself. Treating wounds with simple ingredients found in a household is not uncommon.

A person who prefers to treat ailments the natural way should take the time to compile a simple list of some common herbs and keep these herbs at hand to quick and easy use.


It痴 very handy to have some knowledge on herbs used for treating wound for children. Almost every day a child will manage to get him or herself hurt while playing, thus having these quick easy remedies available would eliminate the need to run to a medical facility often.

The aloe herb contains compounds that can reduce inflammation, swelling, and redness of wounds. This herb should be applied directly to the wound after a simple cleaning exercise is done to rid the wound of any unwanted particles. The naturally secreted gel works wonders for superficial wounds.

Calendula officinalis is another herd that can successfully treat wounds. The flavanoids and antioxidants it contain helps to speed up the healing process by increasing the blood flow to the wound. This ingredient can be applied topically and is also a popular ingredient in creams and ointments.

Slippery elm, a tree native to North America can also be used to treat wounds. Slippery elm is also found in powder form, but should be applied around the wound and not directly into an open wound.

Other more familiar herbs used to treat wounds are lavender which not only helps the healing process but also acts as a germ killing agent. Tea tree oil also disinfects while healing wounds. This particular herb works at quite a fast pace in the healing process. Echinacea, Marigold, and Myrrh are also good healing agents for wounds. All these can be applied to the wounds by simply diluting a little herbal tincture with water.

Chapter 03 – How To Treat Acne With Herbs?


Acne is a condition that is caused by the over production of sebum. When this happens the pores become blocked and hard plugs are formed.

This chocking eventually causes the acne condition. Other causes may include hormonal imbalances, pregnancy, menstrual periods, emotional stress, and others.

Skin Issues

Treating the acne problem can be quite a challenge because of its reoccurring possibilities. However some advocate the use of certain herbs for better control or eradication of the acne condition.

The following are just some common suggestions of herbs used to treat acne in varying degrees.

? Tea tree oil ・this treatment causes less drying and stinging after effects. Also the redness is at a minimal.

? Aloe gel ・has antibacterial properties which help to kill of the germs or also stop them from contaminating other parts of the skin

? Rose water ・is applied to give relief to the itching and pain

? Walnut leaf ・can be used as an astringent face wash.

? Burdock root and dandelion ・both these herbs contain insulin which can improve the skin condition and remove the bacteria.

? Goldenseal ・helps to stop the acne from secreting any puss of other undesirable liquids.

? Calendula ・promotes the healing of the tissues at a more rapid pace. It also helps to heal the scars left to some level of smoothness.

It is highly recommended that the acne condition be treated internally as well as externally. Both these areas are intertwined and treating one without the other may not produce the desired results.

When the desired results are forthcoming the conditions may end up becoming worse because now the added factor of depression and stress is added.

Acne responds to a combination of herbs used both for internal as well as external use. This combination is important to achieve long lasting results.

Ideally the herbs used for topical purposes should include tea tree oil, lavender, and calendula, while those used internally should be milk thistle and dandelion.

Chapter 04 – How To Treat Anxiety And Depression With Herbs?


Treating anxiety and depression using herbs is a good alternative to using the conventional method of prescription drugs. This side effects from resorting to using prescription drugs and be long term, harmful and sometimes not adequately addressing the anxiety and depression issues.


By using herbal remedies it allows the person in the anxiety and depression condition to be treated through a natural way which deals with the social anxiety disorder and the body痴 chemical imbalance which causes the depression in the first place.

Of course there are some herbs that are found to be more effective than others when treating these conditions. It should be noted however that in order for these herbs to have the desired success rate or results, the diet of the individual must be well balance and healthy.

All these elements combined together will contribute to a better sense of calm and relaxed mental state.

? Magnolia bark is a powerful herbs used to treat the insomnia problem which is one of the underlying causes for depression and anxiety.

? Phellodendron bark is another fundamental herb used in ancient Chinese medicine to actually arrest the stress build up and also relief the anxiety condition. It works by regulating the cortisol which is effectively the stress hormone.
? St John wort is used to treat the depression and anxiety in only small doses. So when using this herb, prudency must be exercised.

? Valerian is regarded as the most powerful herb available to address the depression and anxiety issue. It works to positively influence the body痴 chemical make up of certain elements.

? Lemon balm is also popularly referred to as the calming herb. It is mostly used for its almost sedative like inducing properties.

? Hops powder formally used primarily to treat insomnia, is now recommended for its assistance in treating depression. However at this point, it is still not conclusively proven that this herb is the only contributing factor in the success of treating depression.

Chapter 05 – How Can Herbs help Cancer Patients?


As cancer is now becoming a common and feared disease, the race is on to find a cure that is quick, easy, and accessible to everyone. Most of the current medical options available are either too costly or simply too stressful.

However as most people have no choice, they either opt not to have any treatment or decide to go through the suffering with the hope of gaining back some semblance of their previous lives.

Fighting Cancer

Herbal remedies offer an alternative. Some people recommend that these herbal remedies be used alongside the current ongoing treatments and some don稚.

The deciding factor would be the level of advancement the cancer stage is in. Also to be noted is the type of cancer the patient is suffering from, as different herbs work differently to address the various conditions caused by cancer.

Below are some tried and true herbs used to treat specific cancer conditions:

? Breast cancer ・broccoli and green tea

? Colon cancer ・broccoli

? Esophageal cancer ・green tea

? General cancer ・aloe vera and periwinkle

? Liver cancer ・green tea

? Lung cancer ・aloe vera and broccoli

? Pancreatic cancer ・green tea

? Preventive cancer ・broccoli, carrot, tarragon and tomato

? Prostate cancer ・aloe vera, fennel and green tea

? Rectal cancer ・broccoli

? Skin cancer ・green tea

? Stomach cancer ・aloe vera, broccoli, garlic and green tea

? Testicular cancer ・periwinkle

? Cancer treatment ・aloe vera, Echinacea, lantana and violet

? Cancer sores ・goldenseal, lavender

There are also some herbs that help to keep the body in better shape so it then is equipped with the necessary

elements to fight off the cancer cell or arrest its progressive destructive state.

Herbs like:

? Astragalus

? dong quai

? Echinacea

? shiitake

? and maitake mushrooms

all have these properties to help in the fight against cancer.

However relying on these herbs alone is not advisable.

Another herb that is popular in arresting the cancer cells from its destructive nature is the mistletoe. Mistletoe preparations are commonly used to stimulate the immune system and to kill cancer cells effectively. In some extreme cases it has been noted to shrink cancer causing tumors.

Chapter 06 – Body Detox With Herbs


Bad eating habits and poor lifestyle practices will eventually lead to a serious level of negative elements store in the body over time. These elements also known as toxins can cause serious damage, which can and will eventually lead to illnesses, ailments, and diseases.

Addressing this critical issue is of utmost urgency, and doing it with the help of herbs is a prudent choice to make. This is because herbs are natural compounds and will not further add to any existing negative conditions.

Clean Up The Body

While some herbs are smooth others can be rough on the body, thus it is always better to start off with the gentler choice when attempting a detox session.

Psyllium is an herb derived from the seed of a fleawort plant. When in contact with liquid it expands. Psyllium is ideal for cleaning out the intestines by removing the toxins. Because of its high fiber content it also assists in 都crubbing・the digestive system effectively. However as this herb tends to absorb a lot of liquid, it is important to drink a lot of water when choosing to use this method of detox.

Aloe vera juice is also great for the digestive system as it works to kill the parasites, yeast, bacteria, and viruses. The laxative effect it helps stimulate is for detox purposes.

Cascara sagrada has long been used in ancient traditional concoctions for its detox qualities. It not only functions as an effective laxative but also helps ease constipation problems. However because this herb is rather strong, it is not advisable to use it for longer that one week.

Fennel seed is also another herb popularly used in detox exercises. Mainly used to induce bowel movements it also helps relieve gas pains and cramps in the gastrointestinal tract.

Individuals who tend to consume mainly meat and processed foods should attempt detox sessions, but it should not be done too regularly.

Chapter 07 – Can Herbs Relieve Headaches And Tension?


Suffering from headaches and tension is almost part of most people痴 daily life. Sometimes it becomes so 渡ormal・that is not taken seriously enough to be addressed specifically.

Instead most take the easiest solution available which is pill popping. Certainly not a long term solution, neither is it a wise thing to disregard, however using the herbal remedy alternative may be the one way of solving this condition permanently.


There are many types of herbs available to treat the annoying symptoms of headaches and tension. Some herbs are formulated to treat the conditions topically while others are meant for internal consumptions.

Herbs made into ointments and creams serve just as well and don稚 really cause any adverse negative effects to the individual. However, some of these ingredients can be quite strong smelling, but it痴 all part of inducing the comfort element to treat the conditions.

Tiger balm, peppermint oil, and nutmeg oil are just some examples of headache and tension healing herbal concoctions. Below is a list of possible herbs to choose from when addressing the headache and tension conditions:

? Feverfew ・ability to prevent and stop headaches

? Ginkgo biloba ・improves the circulation and decreases inflammations

? Chamomile ・relaxes the body

? Peppermint ・simulates the refreshing aura

? Valerian ・acts as a powerful sedative

? Lemon balm and passion flower ・arrest a possible attack

? Rosemary ・calming effect

Besides trying all the different herbs to starve off these inconvenient and sometimes even painful conditions, keeping a healthy lifestyle and a balanced diet also helps to assist in the better state of body and mind.

Therefore when a possible attack of a headache or tension sets in, the effective use of the herbal remedy is heightened. In some cases a topical application may be adequate in addressing the condition quickly and effectively.

These kinds of applications are always a better option to choose from rather than having to consume the herbs.

Chapter 08 – Herbs For Helping With Lung Conditions


Lung disease is popularly linked to smoking, however of late there are other factors which seem to also be linked to lung problems. The quality of air most people breathe today is really very polluted.

Some foods eaten as cooked or prepared raw also contain a lot of unwanted chemical that is the cause of lung problems too.

Breathing Better

Numerous herbs have been known to have the necessary elements to help treat lung diseases. Asthma, lung cancer, influenza, and chronic obstructive pulmonary disease are just some of the conditions that can be treated with the use of herbal concoctions.

Licorice is an herb that may have some benefits when used to treat lung disease. Bronchitis and lung infections usually decrease of even get eradicated from using licorice regularly. It can also be used to milder conditions like inflamed throat or coughs.

Elecampane is mainly used as an antiseptic which help to kill of the existing germs and also treat the lungs and throat to prevent the reoccurrence of the infection.

It can also be used to treat irritable coughs, bronchitis, tuberculosis, silicosis, asthma, and emphysema. However as this herb can cause adverse effects like vomiting, diarrhea and stomach spasms, and a doctor should be consulted to get the right dosage.

Asian ginseng, also known as Panax ginseng may be helpful in treating lung diseases too. The ginseng is generally used to treat numerous conditions, boost the overall health and also to further support the immune system. In some cases a highly significant reduction is tumors have been noted. Ginseng can be taken as dietary supplement.

To provide a wider range of herbs that can be used for loosely categorized lung diseases, refer to the information given below:

? Lungs that are too dry ・wild cheery bark, raw rehmannia root, glehnia root, licorice root, slippery elm bark and marshmallow root.

? Lungs that are very weak ・astragalus root, cordyceps mushroom, schizandra berries, amla fruit, ginseng root, and American ginseng root.

? Simple mild lung inflammation ・boswellia gum, scute root, and turmeric root.

Chapter 09 – Top 5 Herbs To Keep On Hand


Using herbs to treat certain simple medical conditions have become quite common today. This eliminated the need to seek a medical practitioner every time there is a mishap, especially when there are children involved.

What Is Needed?

Mint ・

There are so many uses for mint that the discovery of its uses is never ending. It痴 wonderful refreshing and energizing qualities is useful in pepping up teas, as a breath freshener, as an energizer, to name a few. It is also popularly used in salads and drinks.

This herb is also useful to help boost poor digestive systems and eases any gas buildups and stomach aches. Mint has antifungal properties.

Ginger ・

This herb is not easy to grow but is readily available in any supermarket. It comes in either a dried form or a fresh. It is also used in many candies in its milder form.

Ginger helps in calming indigestion, painful gas buildups, other stomach discomforts, and upsets. It also helps to increase circulation. It is also a popular ingredient in Chinese style cooking.

Lemon balm ・

This herb has long been used to treat anxiety and insomnia issues. Besides its antiviral and antibacterial properties it is also a great health booster and helps to shorten the duration of colds and flues in kids. In the summer time when insect bites, minor scrapes, and tummy upsets are the norm having this herb handy is an advantage.

Chamomile ・

Is a favorite for treating colic, gas restlessness, and anxiety issues. It contains properties that can induce drowsiness and help calm irritable kids. It also makes for a great relaxing cup of tea.

Thyme ・

Great herb for cooking, mainly for chicken and fish. It is also great in soups and stews. Tummy cramps and gas buildups can also be treated with this herb.

Chapter 10 – Being Cautious About Using Herbs


Although popularly looked upon as harmless, herbs taken without proper knowledge and supervision can have adverse and sometime serious effect on an individual. Having some knowledge about what the herb can do, how it effects in general and specifically and at what dosage is most important.

Also to be noted is that herbs should not be taken in place of ongoing medical treatments without the approval of the medical practitioner involved.


Some herbs when taken with other conventional medication can cause the medication to lose its usefulness and this may be detrimental to the individual who really needs the medically prescribed medication. Herbs can also alter the make up of some medication when ingested along with it. Thus instead of being an added value it becomes a problem instead. Therefore again medical advice should be sought before considering the line of treatment even if it is only a supplementary element.

Upon understanding and getting the approval from a medical practitioner, the dosage to take is also a very important item to consider. As the herb maybe new to the body system, taking it in large doses or too frequently may shock the system and at worse cause a complete shutdown. In some extreme cases death has been the result of ingesting unfamiliar herbs.

People who are easily influences should be especially weary and careful as to what herbs they buy. Many unscrupulous vendors will promote the positive side of their herbal products without ever disclosing the possible negative findings. In some cases the negative findings are played down so as not to frighten a potential customer off.

Sometimes instead of seeking medical advice immediately upon discovering an illness, ailment, or disease, the choice is made to embark upon trying to treat the condition with using herbs. This may cause the individual to lose precious time in arresting the negative condition or even worse cause further damage.


The healing by plants is the most popular and oldest therapy for healing on the globe. The info regarding herbal nutrition has been transplanted from one generation to other since the very start.

Due to the development of the process of synthetic medicine or drug making, the utilization of herbs got to be a movement of past. All the same, there’s a sudden increase in the practice of utilization of herbs for treatment of ill health which is inexpensive, secure and natural.

The key aim of utilizing herbal remedies is to expand the procedure of natural healing inside body by rebalancing and cleansing. A few herbals hold antiviral and antibacterial qualities like synthetic medicines and drugs. The advantages of the technique of herbal healing are that it brings the body back to normal state without presenting a lot of side effects.

The right combination of herbs may be used to heal and tone up body or tainted tissues.

Herbs may be utilized to focus, heal, control or tone any part of body if they’re recommended or combined in suitable manner. Herbs ought to be consumed with proper counsel of a practitioner.


Growing Younger

Growing Younger

Table of Contents
Introduction 1
Chapter 1 – How To Look 45 At 60 3
Chapter 2 – The Role Of Enzymes In The Aging Process 8
Chapter 3 Top 7 Anti-Aging Foods 14
Chapter 4 Herbal Approaches To Turning Back The Years 15
Chapter 5 Keeping Memory Sharp 18
Chapter 6: De-Stress Your Way To A Younger Self 23
Conclusion 25


The science of growing younger may seem like a fairy-tale or snake oil. The truth is that a growing body of research is pointing to the causes of aging. By knowing the causes, we can prevent the damage that these processes due to our body, and in some cases, even reverse it. By making smarter lifestyle choices, we can also preserve a youthful mind, body and spirit well into our senior years. Age really can become just a number once you’ve discovered the science of growing younger.

So, let’s start first with the main area of our body that can give away our chronological age if we don’t take proper care of it, our skin.

Chapter 1 – How to Look 45 At 60

The skin is the largest organ of your body. It protects our inner organs and musculoskeletal system from injury. It allows nutrients in and stops essential fluids from leaking out.

It’s easy to take our skin for granted-until something goes wrong with it. The most obvious example when we are young is acne. As we age, the big concern becomes wrinkles.

However, an even bigger concern is aging the skin through poor lifestyle choices, which in some cases can culminate in skin cancer. The most common type is melanoma.

Melanoma is caused primarily by the harmful effects UV rays of the sun. Those who spend a lot of time out in the sun without sunscreen or sunblock are at increased risk. So too are those who:

? spend a lot of time at a beach or pool;
? work on the water, where the sun’s rays are reflected;
? go to tanning salons often
? work outdoors and don’t cover up against the sun.

Any unprotected exposure to the sun carries risks. The most common location of melanoma is the left forearm in men. Researchers attribute this to men leaning their left elbows on the edge of their car doors as they are driving.

If you’ve ever seen the skin of people who spend a lot of time out in the elements, such as fishermen, you will notice their weather-beaten look. Sun, wind, salt, and sea spray dry the skin while the rays of the sun darken it, causing a craggy, darkened complexion.

As people age, they also develop ‘liver spots’ on their face and particularly their hands. Even if you are smart enough to use an SPF (Sun Protection Factor) sunscreen/moisturizer of 30 or more each day, do you also think to put it on the back of your hands? If not, it’s time to start.

What about your neck? As we age, it starts to look slack and pouch. So does the skin under our eyes. This is gravity at work, it is true, but it also signals a loss of skin tone and collagen that can be prevented with a good beauty routine and healthful diet.

The first thing people see when they meet us is our face. What does yours say about your age? If you look old beyond your years and want to appear younger without spending a fortune, the best place to start is your daily skin care routine.

Caring for your skin regularly

There are a few steps to this to keep it looking youthful, including washing, toning and moisturizing. Let’s look at the most important aspects of each.

Washing Your Face

You would think that most people would know how to wash their faces. After all, we do it every day. Cats make it look easy too, don’t they?

The truth is that especially if we live in a large city with a high-level of pollutants, it can be tricky to keep your face clean and blemish-free.

Every day, we get a build-up of impurities on our face that can clog the pores and give us a washed-out complexion, which makes us look older than we really are.

Some personal care products can make the situation worse. Studies have shown that women are exposed to up to 100 chemicals each day through the personal products they use. For men, the average is about 40. The first step, therefore, is to strip down your products to the basics, all-natural ones that can be used for a range of purposes.

The most basic is pure Castile soap and warm water. Soap is best in its liquid form because no chemicals have been added to turn it into a solid bar of soap. Castile or vegetable glycerine soaps are mild enough even for sensitive skin. Wash your face and neck, rinse well, and pat dry.


はじめに 1
第1章 60歳で45歳に見える方法 3
第2章 老化の過程における酵素の役割 8
第3章 アンチエイジング食品トップ7 14
第4章 年代を戻すためのハーブのアプローチ 15
第5章 記憶を鋭く保つ 18
第6章 若い自分になるための脱ストレス法 23




第1章 60歳で45歳に見える方法








また、年齢を重ねると、顔や特に手に「肝斑(かんぱん)」ができるようになります。毎日、SPF(Sun Protection Factor)30以上の日焼け止め・保湿剤を賢く使っている人でも、手の甲にも塗ろうとは思っていませんか?もしそうでないなら、そろそろ始めましょう。




若々しさを保つためには、洗顔、化粧水、保湿など、いくつかのステップがあります。 それぞれの最も重要なポイントを見ていきましょう。












Many people choose a toner based on skin type. One good choice for a natural toner is pure witch hazel which is mainly alcohol-free. Some women use lemon juice, but it can cause photosensitivity, that is, sensitivity to sunlight, and make skin darker, sometimes permanently.

If your skin is very dry, add a couple of drops of a soothing essential oil such as myrrh to the pure witch hazel.

Toner removes impurities that soap alone can’t reach, and refines the pores, making your skin smooth. It helps keep down blackheads and whiteheads and lessens your risk of breakouts.


Once you have toned, putting on moisturizer helps keep moisture in. Even people with oily skin need moisturizer. A daily moisturizer with an SPF of 30 will protect you from the aging effects of the sun. Look for one that is oil free.

At night, when applying before bed, SPF is not important, but you could use a heavier cream than you would use if you were going out in public, or applying before you put on your makeup if you are a woman.

If you are a man, moisturizer can help keep down the irritating effects of shaving and the raw look it can give around your face and neck. Shaving will, however, offer one benefit in addition to hair removal, and that is exfoliating.


Exfoliating is the process of removing dead skin cells from the upper layer of your skin, the epidermis. Dead skin cells can make your complexion look dull and weathered instead of youthful and radiant. Soap and a washcloth will work well, Scrub lightly in small circles over every part of your face, taking care in the eye area.
A mild scrub made from ground almonds or apricot kernels can also help. A homemade sugar scrub can serve as a fruit peel as well. However, it can redden skin for up to 2 hours afterwards, so if you wish to use it, apply it only at night.

Exfoliating 1 to 2 times per week should be more than enough to keep the fresh young skin cells shining through.

Applying makeup

Use fresh, oil-free makeup and keep it only 6 months so it will go stale and harm your skin. Some foundation makeup will also have SPF, for double protection if you apply it over your moisturizer.

Removing makeup

To remove your makeup, use soap and water, or pure apricot kernel oil. Avoid any products with a lot of chemicals and fragrance. It is important that all traces of makeup are removed before you retire for the night, because sleeping with your makeup can clog your pores overnight and cause breakouts.


Protect your lips with lip balm as to stop them from drying out and becoming chapped. It should have an SPF as well.

Other delicate areas

Wear sunglasses or Transitions lenses with a UV coating. Use eye cream at least once a day to hydrate and protect the delicate skin around your eyes to avoid wrinkles.

Some people recommend silk pillowcases, so you do not cause lines and wrinkles from snuggling your face into the pillow.

Whole body skin care

After showering or bathing, pat your skin dry, and finish off with moisturizer suitable for your skin type.

If you have dry skin, create your own nourishing cream with shea butter, apricot kernel or olive oil, and a few drops of rosemary essential oil.

Wear clothing in natural, breathable fabrics, cotton, linen, silk and wool, to avoid the irritation caused by synthetics. Always wear a hat when going out in the sun. Wear light-coloured, long-sleeved tops, and long skirts or pants if you plan to be in the sun a long time and know you are not likely to keep re-applying your sunscreen every 30 to 120 minutes.

Re-apply to your face often-a sunscreen stick can help. Look for high SPF and low fragrance. Don’t forget the back of your neck and your ears.

Avoid any products high in alcohol. These are the kind that sting. Alcohol dries out the skin a great deal. Hand sanitizers are one good example. They are great for quick clean ups if you have no soap and water, but avoid using too often, because dry, cracked skin on your hands will leave you open to infection.

If you do love the tan look, apply self-tanner. Steer clear of tanning beds.

If you smoke, stop. It dries the skin and leads to wrinkling around the lips and eyes.

Now that you understand the basics of proper skin care, you’ll be glad of your investment of a few minutes each day and night all adding up to younger-looking skin no matter what your age.

It is important to keep in mind that it is never too early to start to care for your skin. Pass on this information to people of all ages to help prevent skin cancer and signs of premature aging.
However, these are only external treatments for the skin. Since we are what we eat, diet has its part to play in beautiful skin and overall good health. Let’s look in the next couple of chapters at this issue.






化粧水をつけたら、水分を保つために保湿をしましょう。オイリー肌の人でも保湿は必要です。 SPF30の保湿剤を毎日使うことで、紫外線による老化からあなたを守ります。オイルフリーのものを探してみてください。


男性であれば、保湿をすることで、髭剃りの刺激や、顔や首の周りの生々しさを抑えることができます。 しかし、シェービングには、毛の処理に加えて、角質除去という利点があります。







メイクを落とすには、石鹸と水、または純粋なアプリコットカーネルオイルを使用します。化学物質や香料が多く含まれているものは避けてください。 メイクをしたまま眠ると、毛穴を詰まらせて吹き出物の原因になることがあります。











アルコールを多く含む製品は避けてください。しみるからです。 アルコールは肌を大きく乾燥させます。手指の消毒液はその良い例です。彼らは石鹸と水がない場合、迅速なクリーンアップに最適ですが、あなたの手の乾燥、ひび割れた皮膚は、感染症のためにあなたを残しているので、あまりにも頻繁に使用することは避けてください。





Chapter 2 – The Role of Enzymes in The Aging Process

Enzymes are used in a variety of ways in the body to maintain overall health. In relation to the aging process, there are 4 aspects that scientists are examining in the effort to help people stay younger no matter what their chronological age.

The 4 aspects are:

? The role of chronic inflammation in the body
? The thickening of the blood
? The formation of fibrous tissues
? The weakening of the immune system

The first 2 can contribute to heart disease, heart attack, and stroke. The third is related to fibromyalgia, cystic fibrosis, and other structural disorders of the musculoskeletal system as we age. The fourth affects our ability to ward off diseases, such as colds and flu, or more serious conditions such as diabetes and even cancer.

When we’re younger, we produce many enzymes, which stimulate and regulate processes such as:

? Metabolism, burning the food we eat as fuel ? Healing, such as cell regeneration and repair
? Cleansing, with the enzymes consuming or flushing out toxins in our bodies
? Balancing and organization, with the enzymes acting as on and off switches in some cases, and boosting power in others, to keep all systems running at peak efficiency.

However, as we age, our enzyme production decreases at an average rate of about 10% per year, which means that by the time we are 75, our enzyme production is a fraction of what it once was. This can result in poor digestion, and therefore poor absorption of essential nutrients.

We can take enzyme supplements, of course, but we can also care for our bodies and lower the wear and tear on them that is caused by the aging process, known as oxidative stress.

Oxidative stress, or oxidation, is the result of the activity of what are known as free radicals in the body. Antioxidants can help combat free radicals to keep you youthful no matter what your chronological age.

What are free radicals?

The name sounds like a left-wing group of people at a peace rally, but in fact, these little chemical elements are less than peaceful. They radically change our bodies for the worse.

Some free radicals are the by-products of our cellular metabolism. On the microscopic level, our cells replenish themselves and produce energy to run all the processes of the body. When the cells produce energy in this way, certain molecules are left behind, including free radicals.

Free radicals are missing an electron in their outer ring and will therefore go looking for another one to steal in order to complete their molecule.
Free radicals steal electrons from cells, enzymes, cell membranes, and even your DNA and RNA. Stealing the electron will usually damage or weaken the object it has been stolen from. Once the object is damaged, it will not be able to function normally.

In the case of enzymes, they won’t be able to do the jobs properly as the catalysts for cellular reactions. Altering DNA and RNA can lead to all sorts of cellular abnormalities; some of these are commonly termed cancer. Compromising the integrity of cellular membranes leaves them vulnerable to attack by viruses, bacteria and other invaders, weakening your immune system.

In relation to RNA, new research is pointing to telomeres, a certain type of enzyme, as a possible key to getting younger. They stop RNA strands from unravelling as a result of free radicals attacking them, thus maintaining the strength of your cells.

Free radicals all around us
Free radicals are not just by-products of cellular processes. They can be introduced into our bodies from a variety of sources, including:

? cigarette or cigar smoke, and the 400 or so chemicals you are exposed to if you smoke tobacco
? radiation
? drinking alcohol
? air pollution
? water pollution
? eating artificial products such as colourings, flavourings, sweeteners, or preservatives.

Certain gases and even sunlight can affect the free radical levels in our bodies.

Scientists have investigated the idea that free radicals are responsible for many diseases in the body that affect us as we get older. Conditions like cancer, Alzheimer’s, diabetes, heart disease and autoimmune disorders such as rheumatoid arthritis have been shown to originate at least in part as a result of free radical damage.

The hottest health trends these days are trying to cure cancer and trying to develop anti-aging regimens. Taming the effects of free radicals on the body could lead to an end to the diseases we commonly accept as a natural part of growing old.

Combating oxidative stress

Cellular damage is repaired by the body in several ways. If a person has a healthy lifestyle and does not expose their body to too many health stressors, then the body can maintain a state of balance and well-being.

Most of the repair will be performed on the body in the night-time hours when a person normally sleeps. Sleep is therefore essential for overall health.

Leading a natural lifestyle by not exposing yourself to a lot of harsh chemicals, such as in toiletries, or pesticides in your food (go organic) can also help. Making smart food choices is the best way to combat free radicals. The best foods are ones rich in antioxidants.

As the name suggests, antioxidants combat oxidative stress. If you’ve ever wondered why some people age better than others, chances are it is because they are not smoking and drinking, sun worshipping, and above all, they’re eating a better diet.

What are antioxidants?

Antioxidants neutralize free radicals in the body. They are molecules that have an extra electron or two in their outer ring, which they can share with the roaming free radicals without being damaged or weakened in any significant way.

The free radicals are lured by the ‘easy pickings’ of the antioxidants and stop wandering once they steal the extra electron they are looking for. Everything goes back to being stable and in balance. This means your enzymes, DNA, RNA and cells are all a great deal safer, and can remain so if you don’t expose yourself to a lot of free radicals.

Antioxidants help the internal environment of our bodies to stay in great working order on the metabolic level. You can change the outside with surgery and chemicals, but if the inside is not functioning well, disease will set in and affect both appearance and longevity. The right vitamins will preserve your immune system and help you fight disease.

So, what should you eat in order to add antioxidants to your diet?

? Phytochemicals
? Anthocyanins
? Carotenoids and Vitamin A ? Trace minerals.

The first 2 are present in plants. Anthocyanins are present in blue and purple foods such as blueberries and grapes. Carotenoids and Vitamin A are found in orange and red foods, and leafy green vegetables. Two of note are lutein, linked with eye health, and lycopene, linked with prostate health in men.

What’s the best diet to follow?

A diet rich in fruits and vegetables with small amounts of healthy protein such as tofu, nuts and fish is ideal. If you don’t have time to spend ages planning menus, here are a couple of shortcuts.

Eat a rainbow every day. Try to eat a variety of differently coloured foods to get as many types of antioxidants as possible.

In terms of trace elements, eating a Mediterranean diet with high-quality fish and olive oil can help you preserve your health and vitality long into your senior years and is protective against heart disease.

Add a couple of cups of decaffeinated green tea to your daily routine. It offers a range of health benefits, including improving your dental health.

There are also several foods that have been described as anti-aging. Let’s look at the top ones in the next chapter.

第2章 老化のプロセスにおける酵素の役割



? 体内の慢性炎症の役割
? 血液が濃くなること
? 繊維組織の形成
? 免疫力が低下すること



? 代謝:食べたものを燃料として燃やす。細胞の再生や修復などの治癒
? 酵素が体内の毒素を消費したり、洗い流したりすることで、クレンジングを行う
? バランスと整理整頓。酵素があるときはオンとオフのスイッチとして、またあるときはパワーアップして、すべてのシステムを最高の効率で動かしています。






















フリーラジカルは、抗酸化物質の “簡単な獲物 “に誘われ、探していた余分な電子を奪うと、彷徨うのを止めます。すべてが安定し、バランスが取れた状態に戻るのです。つまり、酵素、DNA、RNA、そして細胞はすべて、フリーラジカルに多くさらされなければ、より安全な状態に保たれるのです。



? ファイトケミカル
? アントシアニン
? カロテノイドとビタミンA ? 微量ミネラル。

最初の2つは植物に含まれています。アントシアニンは、ブルーベリーやブドウなど青や紫の食品に含まれています。カロテノイドとビタミンAは、オレンジ色や赤色の食品、葉物野菜に多く含まれています。 特に注目すべきは、目の健康につながるルテインと、男性の前立腺の健康につながるリコピンです。


野菜や果物が豊富で、豆腐やナッツ、魚などの健康的なタンパク質を少量摂る食事が理想的です。 献立を考える時間がない場合は、以下のような近道をご紹介します。

毎日、虹色の食事をする。 できるだけ多くの種類の抗酸化物質を摂取するために、さまざまな色の食品を食べるようにしましょう。




Chapter 3 Top 7 Anti-Aging Foods

Since we are what we eat, it makes sense that the food we consume has a major role to play in maintaining our health and youthfulness. There are some foods, however, that researchers have labelled as ‘anti-aging foods. Here are the top 7:

? Leafy Greens
? Broccoli
? Berries
? Olive oil
? Nuts
? Sweet potatoes
? Garlic

Let’s discuss each of these briefly.

1-Leafy Greens
Spinach is considered a super-food because it is so packed with health benefits. Consider also adding kale, collard greens, Romaine lettuce and arugula to your diet as well.

Broccoli is full of nutrients and balances blood sugar, making it an ideal food for anyone with pre-diabetes or diabetes.

3-Berries, such as blueberries
All berries are rich in antioxidants. The darker blue and purple berries have a different range of antioxidants, so aim for a mixture. Tart cherry is also good for both its antioxidants, and anti-inflammatory properties, especially if you have arthritis.

4-Olive oil
Olive oil lowers cholesterol naturally and keeps skin smooth and supple when used both internally and externally. If you’re worried about your heart health, switch from butter and polyunsaturated oils to monounsaturated olive oil. 5-Nuts
Nuts may be high in fat, but they are also high in fibre, and offer a range of health benefits, including Omega-3 fatty acids and many vitamins and minerals. The fat and fibre will help you feel full. The fat in the nuts also will nourish your skin. As few as 10 almonds a day have been shown to lower cholesterol by 4%. As few as 8 walnuts per day will produce similar results.

6-Sweet potatoes (orange and purple)
The Okinawan diet is primarily made up of orange or purple sweet potatoes, both rich in antioxidants and Vitamin A for a healthy immune system. They are filling, tasty, full of fibre, and very versatile in a range of dishes.

Garlic may not smell great after you have eaten it, but it is tasty and full of disease-fighting phytochemicals protective against cancer. It stimulates circulation and has anti-bacterial properties, which can help keep your digestive tract healthy.

Now that you know the top 7 foods to eat each day to help maintain a healthy and youthful body, you can come up with a range of recipes that incorporate them. A stir-fry is ideal for all the healthy veggies listed. A berry crumble with oats (also great for lowering cholesterol) and some chopped nuts on top is the perfect healthy dessert.

If you are still worrying that you need more help with achieving a healthy lifestyle that will also prevent premature aging, let’s look next at some herbs and spices that might help.

Chapter 4 Herbal Approaches to Turning Back the Years

There are several herbs and spices that have been associated with delaying or even reversing many of the common signs of aging. Here are a few suggestions that will offer protection in general, and for certain issues.

Bilberry is full of antioxidants and is helpful for preserving vision and warding off degenerative eye issues such as macular degeneration.

Ginkgo increases blood flow to the brain and has been shown to benefit even those who already have Alzheimer’s.

Ginseng (Panax ginseng)
According to traditional Chinese medicine, ginseng is the Fountain of Youth. It tones skin and muscles, improves appetite and digestion, and boosts sexual energy.

Gotu Kola
This is used as an herbal tea in traditional Indian medicine (Ayurvedic medicine) to improve memory and extend lifespan.

Horsetail contains silicon, key to maintaining the health of arteries, skin, bones, cartilage and connective tissues. Try it as a tea.

Milk Thistle
This is ideal for liver health and detoxification. It can even help regenerate damaged liver tissue. Since your liver performs more than 500 functions in your body, protect it as much as you can, and see what a difference it can make to your health.

Peppermint is an ideal aid for digestion and gastrointestinal problems. It also contains antioxidants that can help prevent cancer, heart disease, and other age-related disorders. It freshens breath and maintains oral health as we age.

Turmeric is a tasty spice commonly found in Indian rice dishes and curries. It has been used in Ayurvedic medicine for centuries to reduce pain and inflammation.

Add one of these herbs or spices at a time to your diet, and journal about the differences you notice. If it works well, keep eating it. Then add another, to enhance all aspects of your body that are commonly affected by the ravages of aging.

Chapter 5 Keeping Memory Sharp

So far in this guide, we have been focusing on a more youthful body. In the next 2 chapters, let’s look at gaining a younger mind and spirit as well.

With Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia on the increase in the US and around the world, researchers are eagerly searching for the causes of these conditions, which trigger rapid mental decline and eventual death.

For most people, the idea of losing their memory of who they once were, and of all their loved ones, is a scary one. However, most people don’t realize that Alzheimer’s also results in loss of life. The average life expectancy from the time someone is diagnosed is only 5 to 7 years. That being the case, anything you can do to keep your memory sharp and boost your brain health is a step in the right direction.

The first cornerstone is diet, of course, as part of an overall healthy lifestyle. Studies have shown that those with Alzheimer’s tend to also have many of the chronic conditions associated with aging, including

? coronary heart disease
? hardening of the arteries
? high cholesterol
? high blood pressure
? Type 2 diabetes

A growing body of research is also starting to show that diets high in carbohydrates such as unrefined white sugar and white flour not only contributes to Type 2 diabetes, but Alzheimer’s and other forms of dementia as well. In fact, some scientists have started to label white sugar ‘white death’ because of its damaging impact upon brain health.

A Mediterranean diet is not just protective in terms of heart health, but brain health as well. Fish is known to be ‘brain food’ due to its vitamins and minerals. Omega-3 fatty acids help both heart and brain health.

The Okinawan diet is another good diet to follow for anyone interested not just in long life, but also continuing mental sharpness. Their diet is predominantly made up of sweet potatoes, including purple ones, and small amounts of protein from fish, tofu and nuts.

An organic diet will reduce your exposure to brain-damaging chemicals. A glutenfree diet, and one rich in fresh, natural foods has also been shown to improve memory.

In terms of one’s overall lifestyle, there are a number of ways to keep your mind young no matter what your age. These include:

? Get high-quality sleep
? Exercise regularly
? Avoid mercury
? Avoid aluminum
? Steer clear of statins
? Watch out for OTCs and Rx drugs
? Avoid antacids

Get high-quality sleep
Everyone needs enough sleep each night to refresh both body and mind. Eight hours, and no more than 9, is optimal. High-quality sleep is sleep where one feels refreshed afterwards, not tired any more.

Exercise regularly
Regular exercise, such as taking 10,000 steps per day, about 3.5 to 5 miles, will keep you fit, but with little chance of injury. Exercise also enhances mood, lowers stress, and gets you out in the sun (put on sunscreen), which increases the production of Vitamin D in your body/ Vitamin D is a building block for your hormones and other key substances in your body that help maintain your overall health.

Avoid mercury
Mercury is commonly found in silver amalgam dental fillings. It is also high in canned tuna, so eat no more than 2 servings per week, 3 days apart.

Avoid aluminum
If you have any old pots with a whitish-looking film on the inside, get rid of them at once. Also steer clear of non-stick cookware, which can contain chlorine as well.

Try cast iron, stainless steel, or enamel on steel cookware such as the Le Creuset brand of products. Yes, they are expensive, but consider them an investment in your kitchen and your health. “Treat” each pan you buy according to the manufacturer’s instructions, and it should give you decades of use from oven or stovetop to table.

Steer clear of statins
Statin drugs are the #1 most commonly prescribed class of drugs in the world, and affect the liver and the way your body processes the food you eat and therefore the way nutrients are absorbed. These include vital Omega-3s and the enzyme Co-Q10, essential for heart health and the transmission of important signals in the brain.

Watch out for OTCs and Rx drugs
Avoid many of the common over the counter medications and certain prescription drugs. Many of them can impair memory, including:

? nighttime pain relievers
? antihistamines
? sleep aids
? certain antidepressants
? incontinence medications
? narcotic pain relievers
? high blood pressure medications
? drugs used to treat Parkinson’s disease

Avoid antacids
Steer clear of antacids such as Pepto-Bismal. They not only rob memory, they can also disguise the symptoms of a heart attack until it is too late.

These are just a few of the many ways you can maintain your brain health in order to keep your brain sharp well into your senior years. Another way to keep your mind and spirit healthy is to combat the stress in your life that is making you old before your time. Let’s look at this topic in the next chapter.

Chapter 6: De-Stress Your Way To A Younger Self

Stress is all around us in the modern world. From happy occasions like a wedding or the birth of a child, to negative stressors such as moving house or experiencing a death in the family, stress will catch up with us sooner or later if we don’t take steps to identify it and deal with it effectively.

We may not be able to control the stressors in our lives, but we can control how we react to them. Spotting your stressors and being pro-active in using a range of strategies to reduce your stress can keep you healthy in body, mind and spirit.

The most common signs and symptoms of stress include:

? Headaches
? Irritability/moodiness
? Low productivity
? Low energy
? Memory loss
? Appetite change, less, or more
? Insomnia, lack of quality sleep
? Frequent colds, flu and so on
? Poor time management/procrastination

There are a number of stress-busters you can try in order to minimize the impact of stress on your daily life. These include:

Dump your annoyances on the page rather than keep them bottled up, or take them out on others.

Do a simple breathing meditation each morning and night in which you empty your mind of all thoughts and just focus on your breath in and out. It can be difficult at first to silence all the mind chatter, but the result will be a ‘minivacation’ from all the things bothering you. In this way you can feel more refreshed and ready to tackle them.

Exercise enhances mood and gives you more energy, to lower stress and help keep you mentally as well as physically healthy.

Eat balanced meals
Pay attention to protein, and steer clear of comfort foods that are high in carbs or sugar. Take healthy snacks with you everywhere, such as some homemade trail mix, so you won’t be tempted to grab something like a donut as you gallop through your busy day.

Stay hydrated
Eight 8-ounce glasses of fresh water per day will help power all of your essential bodily processes and detox your body. Hate the taste of plain water? Add a dash of 100% fruit juice, such as HeartSmart from Minute Maid, rich in Omega-3s.

Do something you enjoy every day
This could be solving puzzles, playing a computer game, and so on.

Set aside some time to relax
If we were intended to work all the time, we would never have evolved into a being that needs 8 hours of rest per night. Even if you have to take work home with you, make a date with yourself on your calendar to do something relaxing, like soaking in a tub, praying, gardening, whatever you like. Then do more work.

Chat with friends and loved ones
This will help you feel more connected and less isolated.

Avoid alcohol or drugs
Many people reach for these in an effort to cope. Alcohol is a depressant. A growing body of literature now shows just how much damage it can do to the body and brain.

In terms of drugs, we are talking about both illicit and licit ones. Caffeine, tobacco, and over the counter medications, can all have a serious impact on our brain health and our overall ability to deal with stress in a healthy way.

Help others
Assisting others through charity work or helping out in the community can boost your self-esteem and help relieve stress.

Get a massage
Many insurance companies now offer complementary and alternative therapies (CAM), including therapeutic massage. Check your coverage and make the most of it. Or, swap massages with your spouse or friend.

Counseling services
Your insurance company might also offer a mental health component, including free seminars and employee assistance programs and counselling, online or over the phone. Check out what’s available and use as needed.

Listen to music
This can calm and soothe, to help you feel more refreshed.

Go for a walk
A change of scenery can often be one of the best ways to relax and unwind.

There are many ways to relieve stress once you’ve spotted it. Take some time to tune into what’s causing your stress, and the best ways to handle your stressors. Be pro-active in reducing your stress through using the above methods, or others that you find helpful, to manage your stress every day so it doesn’t age you prematurely.


The Fountain of Youth has been a long-cherished goal for people throughout the ages. Thanks to the latest scientific research about the process of aging on the body, we are getting closer than ever to maintaining optimal health and wellness, and a youthful biological age until well into our chronological ‘senior years’. We hope this guide has shown you how easy it can be to stay young-looking and feeling no matter what your age with just a few sensible self-care steps.





1. 絶愛/BRONZE 完全版
2. わたしの幸せな結婚
3. ブルーロック
4. うふふ、踏みつけられたままでいると思っていたのですか?
5. ギルティサークル
6. 片田舎のおっさん、剣聖になる~ただの田舎の剣術師範だったのに、大成した弟子たちが俺を放ってくれない件~
7. 東京卍リベンジャーズ
8. 栗山ノート
8. 春待の猫姫と白虎の旦那様
10. 吾輩は猫であるが犬【単話】
11. その着せ替え人形は恋をする
12. 呪術廻戦
13. わたしの幸せな結婚
14. comic Berry’sご懐妊!!
15. 「お隣の天使様にいつの間にか駄目人間にされていた件」シリーズ
15. ゲッターズ飯田の五星三心占い2023
15. 弱虫ペダル
15. 僕が死ぬだけの百物語
19. 極限夫婦 分冊版
20. 私たち、離婚します

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Remember back to your wedding day.  I’m not talking about just the ceremony and reception.  I want you to remember how you felt.  Think back to looking into the eyes of your intended spouse and how happy you were.  Your marriage was going to last forever.  You were sure of that much.


Because this man or woman made you feel so special.  Maybe your new husband was the most romantic guy you had ever met.  Maybe your new wife was one of the most incredible people you had ever met.  Both of you knew that this was a marriage that would work.  Your life would always be as magical as it was in the very beginning.


You spent the first few months of your life settling in as a married couple.  Perhaps you couldn’t keep your hands off of each other and made those around you roll their eyes as they watched your PDA with envy.  But you didn’t care – you were in love!


And then, reality sets in.  You start to notice little things about your true love that drive you crazy.  You think you can deal with it, and maybe you can for awhile.  But then, you start to pull away just a little bit.  You still love him or her, but it’s just not the same.


You start to take each other for granted.  After all, you’re married – that’s part of married life, isn’t it?  Then you wake up one morning and look over at your love.  You wonder what happened to that fire – that amazing desire that couldn’t be controlled.  Why don’t you feel like you did on your honeymoon?


Romance dies, that’s a fact, right? When you find the love of your life, you’ll both settle into a daily routine of financial, household, and child-rearing responsibilities, forgetting you are a couple, right? Romance will only last through the initial crush of the relationship. After that you and your partner will start taking each other for granted, right?

It does not have to be this way. There are many relationships where romance is alive and well.  Open up your local paper and look for the anniversary announcements.  It can actually be very motivating to see those couples who are celebrating their 25th, 30th, even 50th wedding anniversaries.

In case you think this is a trivial subject, please know romance matters to the health and well being of your relationship. Being romantic is nothing more or less than appreciating and celebrating your partner.

This means if romance dies, one or both people in the relationship will begin to feel unappreciated. For many, this can be the beginning of the end of the relationship, or perhaps the beginning of an affair.


Is it just a part of life?  Do you let that fire die into just a smoldering pile of ashes?  You don’t have to!  In fact, there is no reason at all why you can’t get back what you had when you were newlyweds.  It just takes a little effort.


There are millions of married couples out there who know what it takes to stay in love and keep their marriage fresh and new.  Want to know their secrets?  No problem!


Keeping romance alive and well in your marriage can be achieved, but it does take work.  Anything in life that is truly good and satisfying takes work.  However, the rewards are HUGE, so it’s well worth the effort!  We’re here to show you how to “Bring Your Marriage Back to Newlyweds Again!”





No one gets married expecting to get divorced.  Why bother in the first place?  We are filled with hope when we say “I Do” to that other person.  But the cold reality is that, the divorce rate in America is ridiculously high and is rising every day.


There was once a time when people got married and it stuck.  In fact, many times, these people got married after knowing each other for only a short time.  They didn’t live together first.  They never got intimate just to “test the waters”.  They dove in head first and were determined to make it last.


But then times changed.  What brought it about?  Speculation abounds when it comes to this question.  Many people think it was the women’s rights movement in the 70’s.


Others believe that it came about with the advent of more media outlets and the portrayal of sexier, promiscuous characters.  Still others say it’s because people just aren’t as committed as they once were because of the instant gratification that we expect even to this day.


Whatever the reason, the divorce rate has raised alarmingly over the past few decades.  Roughly HALF of all people who get married will get divorced within 10 years of saying their vows.  From 1970 to 1996 the divorce rate quadrupled according to the United States Census report.


Many people think they have to watch out for the infamous seven-year itch that comes about after seven years of marriage.  Today, couples need to watch out for the two-year itch.  Dissatisfaction in marriages happens earlier and earlier as people become more disillusioned with their dreams when they don’t become reality as quickly as they think it should.


In the past, a divorce was difficult to obtain.  Only under extreme circumstances such as abuse or adultery were you granted a divorce.  Then the courts started allowing irreconcilable differences as a reason to divorce and then the no-fault divorce came along.  This meant all you had to do was live apart from your spouse for 6 months and then you could get a divorce without anyone taking on the blame.


Now, a divorce is easier to get than a driver’s license.  You can even download divorce papers on the internet these days.  Fill them out, get signatures, and file with the court.  Poof, you’re no longer married.  Sometimes this can be accomplished in the same day.


Think it’s a travesty?  Maybe it is.  But it’s reality.  So why do marriages fail?


While the answers to that question are many, there is a growing body of research to suggest there are four negative risk factors that create barriers to oneness in marriage and increase a couple’s chances for marital failure.


First, negative behavior patterns can have a hugely negative impact on a marriage.  This occurs when partners respond negatively to each other continually upping the ante so the conversation gets more and more hostile.


When a conversation escalates into an argument, this creates tension that can eat away at a marriage.  Each negative comment increases the level of anger and frustration, and soon a small disagreement blows up into a major fight.


Escalation can develop in two different ways. The first is a major shouting fight that may erupt over a conflict as small as putting the cap back on the toothpaste. As the battle heats up the partners get more and more angry, saying mean things about each other.


Frequently there are threats to end the relationship. Over time those angry words damage oneness, and angry threats to leave begin to seem like prophecy. Once negative comments are made, they are hard to take back and drive a knife into the partner’s heart.


These reckless words can do great damage to a marriage because when an argument escalates, every comment and vulnerability becomes fair game. Concerns, failings, and past mistakes can now be used by the attacking partner. Oneness and intimacy can be shattered quickly by a few reckless words.


You may be thinking, “We don’t fight like cats and dogs.” And while that may be true, your marriage may still have this risk factor. Damaging escalation is not always dramatic. Voices do not have to be raised for couples to get into a cycle of returning negative for negative.


Conflict over paying the rent, taking out the garbage, running errands that result in muttering to oneself, rolling your eyes, or throwing up your hands can also be examples of escalation.


The next negative factor that contributes to the erosion of marriage is invalidation.  Invalidation is a pattern in which one partner subtly or directly puts down the thoughts, feelings, or character of the other.


Invalidation can take many forms. Sometimes it can be caustic, in which one partner (or both) attacks the other person verbally. You can hear, and even feel, the contempt one partner has for another.


Sarcastic phrases like “Well, I’m sorry I’m not perfect like you” or “I forgot how lucky I am to be married to you” can cut like a knife. These are attacks on the person’s character and personality that easily destroy a marriage. Research has found that invalidation is one of the best predictors of future problems and divorce.


Invalidation can also be much more subtle. It may involve an argument where contempt for the other partner is not so obvious. One partner may merely be putting the other partner down for his or her feelings.


The message conveyed is that your feelings do not matter. A husband may put his wife down because she is more emotional or because she is more easily hurt by comments. A husband may invalidate a wife’s fears about the children’s safety. A wife may invalidate a husband’s desire to succeed in the company, saying that it really doesn’t matter if he becomes district manager.


Ultimately the partner receiving these comments begins to share less and less so that the intimate level of sharing evaporates. When this happens, oneness is lost.


Sometimes invalidation may be nothing more than trite clichés like “It’s not so bad”.  While the sayings may be true, they invalidate the pain or concern of the other partner. They make the other partner feel like their fears or frustrations are inappropriate.


Negative interpretations are the third risk factor toward a failing marriage.  Negative interpretations occur when one partner consistently believes that the motives of the other are more negative than is really the case.


Such behavior can be a very destructive pattern in a relationship, and quickly erode intimacy and oneness in a marriage. A wife may believe that her husband does not like her parents. As a result, she may attack him anytime he is not overly enthusiastic about visiting them. He may be concerned with the financial cost of going home for Christmas or about whether he has enough vacation time. She, in turn, considers his behavior as disliking her parents.


When a relationship becomes more distressed, the negative interpretations mount and help create an environment of hopelessness. The attacked partner gives up trying to make himself or herself clear and becomes demoralized.


Another kind of negative interpretation is mind reading. Mind reading occurs when you assume you know what your partner is thinking or why he or she did something.  Nearly everyone is guilty of mind reading at some time or other. And when you mind read positively, it does not tend to do much harm. But when you mind read on the negative side, it can spell trouble for a marriage.


Negative interpretations are hard to detect and counteract. Research shows that in distressed marriages there is a tendency for partners to discount the positive things they see, attributing them to causes such as chance rather than to positive characteristics of the partner. That is why negative interpretations do not change easily.


Finally, there is withdrawal and avoidance.  These are two different manifestations of the problem wherein a partner is unwilling to get in or stay in a discussion that is too threatening.


Withdrawal can be as obvious as getting up and leaving the room or as subtle as ‘turning off’ or ‘shutting down’ during an argument. The withdrawer often tends to get quiet during an argument, look away, or agree quickly to a partner’s suggestion just to end the conversation, with no real intention of following through


Avoidance reflects the same reluctance to get into certain discussions, with more emphasis on the attempt to not let the conversation happen in the first place. A person prone to avoidance would prefer that the topic not come up and, if it does, may manifest the signs of withdrawal just described.


In a typical marriage, one partner is the pursuer and the other is the withdrawer. Studies show that it is usually the man who wants to avoid these discussions and is more likely in the withdrawing role. However, sometimes the roles reverse. But, for the sake of this discussion, we will assume that the husband is the one who withdraws.


Why does he withdraw?  Because he does not feel emotionally safe enough to stay in the argument. Sometimes he may even be afraid that if he stays in the discussion or argument that he might turn violent, so he retreats.


When the husband withdraws, the wife feels shut out and believes that he does not care about the marriage. In other words, lack of talking equals lack of caring. But that is often a negative interpretation about the withdrawer.


He, on the other hand, may believe that his wife gets upset too much of the time, nagging and picking fights. This is also a negative interpretation because most pursuers really want to stay connected and resolve the issue he does not want to talk about.


Each of these four risk factors (escalation, invalidation, negative interpretations, and withdrawal and avoidance) can build barriers in a marriage leading ultimately to loneliness and isolation.


The research shows that couples that want a good marriage need to eliminate these risk factors from their marriage, or else the negative factors will overwhelm the positive aspects of the marriage. It is never too late to put your marriage back on track.


How can you tell if your marriage is in trouble?  There are warning signs





Marriages rarely die overnight. Almost always, the destruction of a marriage happens little by little, over time. Ideally, if trouble arises in your marriage, you and your spouse should be able to respond to problems before they cause serious damage to your relationship. You can then either work things out and remain married, or make a mutual decision to separate or get divorced.

However, if your marriage is in serious trouble, any discussion, cooperation, or compromise may be impossible, and you may have no option but to end it yourself, possibly against your spouse’s wishes.

When you are having marriage problems, whether they are big or small, the sooner you face facts and decide what to do about them the better. Burying your head in the sand when it comes to marital woes won’t make your problems go away. In fact, they’ll probably just get worse.

You may find yourself replaying old arguments, resurrecting old hurts, crying a lot, or becoming consumed with anger when your marriage is in trouble. Those responses can quickly turn small problems into big ones and cause you to lose all perspective when it comes to your spouse and your marriage.

Furthermore, when you let your emotions get out of control, it becomes difficult if not impossible for you to identify and realistically assess all the options you have for dealing with your troubles.

To help bring some objectivity and common sense to your situation so that you can gain a true appreciation of just how bad (or not so bad) things really are, consider some of the more common signs of a marriage in crisis, such as infidelity and contempt.

When your marriage is going through tough times, you may find yourself wondering if it’s an instance of the “for better or for worse” your marriage vows alluded to, or if your relationship is truly on the rocks.

Although no test exists that can tell you if your problems are typical reactions to the stress and strain most marriages experience at one time or another, or if they point to more-serious issues, troubled marriages do tend to exhibit many of the same characteristics.

How many of the following statements apply to your marriage?


  • In your mind, your spouse just can’t do anything right anymore.
  • You fight constantly.
  • You’ve lost the ability or the willingness to resolve your marital problems.
  • Resentment and contempt have replaced patience and love.
  • You’ve turned from lovers into roommates.
  • One or both of you is having an affair.
  • You go out of your way to avoid being together and, when you are together, you have nothing to talk about.
  • Your children are reacting to the stress in your marriage by fighting more, having difficulty in school, getting into trouble with the police, abusing drugs or alcohol, or becoming sexually promiscuous.
  • You have begun having thoughts about divorce.
  • When you’re not around your partner, you act more confident and in control


Don’t panic if you find that your marriage exhibits some of these characteristics — you are not necessarily headed for divorce court. However, you do have cause for concern and it’s time for you and your spouse, first separately and then together, to assess your options and decide what to do next.


Some couples choose to see a marriage counselor, and this can be an excellent way to figure out where exactly your marriage started to get into trouble.  But you can regain the wonderfulness of your marriage yourself if you are committed to working toward that end result.





Most experts agree that the best way to start back on the road to a blissful marriage is to rekindle the romance that you had early on in your relationship.  Maybe you would get your wife flowers just because.  Perhaps you would leave your husband little notes to show your love.


After awhile, those little gestures start to seem less important.  You just stop doing those things for your partner because you figure they know how much you love them.  This is where most couples start to fall into an apathetic state of mind when it comes to their marriage.


Life as a married couple eventually becomes stale and routine with no passion anymore.  You are still partners, but are no longer lovers like you once were.


The roots of marital disenchantment are usually exposed shortly after marriage, when reality intrudes on fantasy. This adjustment period reveals the other’s imperfections.


Shortcomings, once viewed as minor and glossed over in the full bloom of love, suddenly take on ominous dimensions. Cute eccentricities grow into aggravating annoyances. Rudeness replaces romance.


Each spouse defends his or her own territory, and the one union reverts to two identities, as the fantasy of romantic oneness begins to fade. Requests become demands. Marital disharmony takes over and negative actions, left unchecked, can spell disaster for two well-intentioned former lovers.

Many couples love each other deeply, and genuinely enjoy each others’ company, yet feel that the relationship is stale. They long for some of the old intensity, romance, and spontaneity.

Others don’t see the need for that intensity, or even believe that it’s possible to feel that again. They assume that intensity exists only at the beginning of a relationship, and that “mature love” is more settled and less exciting.

While how we feel toward each other certainly changes and evolves over the years, the truth is that our relationships reflect what we put into them.

Children can be so carefree and loving because they have lived for just a few years-a much shorter time in which to accumulate negative experiences and build up feelings of resentment, anger, and mistrust.

Relationships are similar to this. In the beginning, we don’t know each other very well, and aren’t carrying around resentments from past interactions with each other. As the years go by, these resentments accumulate. We no longer look at our partner with the same fresh, un-judging eyes.


So what do you do?  Retreating into your own worlds will only serve to damage the marriage more.  There are several things you can do to regain the romance, but it has to start within each of you.  Both of you must be willing to give a little in order to get back that fire that was there before your wedding day and just afterwards.


Start by taking another look at your spouse.  A good, hard look at who they are.  Look at your partner with a fresh look, let go of past baggage, and remember all the reasons we love her/him so much. This means stretching past any resentments, and opening up to feeling and giving love more fully.

Start out by thinking about your partner and all the reasons that you fell in love with her/him in the first place.  What attracted you to him or her initially?  How did you feel when you were around each other?  Early in your relationship when you were telling others about this great new person in your life, what did you tell them?  Did he make you laugh?  Did her smile light up a room?

When we take and look at our partner with the same eyes we had early on in the relationship, we can start seeing that those qualities that attracted you to them in the first place are really still there.  They have just been overshadowed by all the other stuff that everyday life entails.

This about what that person means to you.  Certainly it’s more than just someone to be around.  Sure, you love the security, but what about the companionship, the things you share, the past you have lived?  Maybe there have been some rough patches, but there have been good times too.  Remember them, wrap your mind around them, and focus on them.  That is what will get you started toward bringing romance back to your marriage.


Once you do this, resolve to become self-directed in your quest towards a more passionate marriage.  Mates must become responsible for their own actions, they say. Each mate should identify and recognize his or her inaccurate, exaggerated expectations.


Recognition precedes change. By recognizing exaggerated expectations, each mate creates room for maneuvering and motivation for change.


This, then, is self-direction: directing the attention to our own unrealistic expectations of the other. Each mate takes full responsibility for his or her thoughts and actions, whether they are realistic or selfishly imagined. Now change can begin to take place in a marriage.


The implications of this new approach are enormous. It takes two people to have a marriage, but only one to change it. We end up feeling helpless and out of control in our marriages simply because we can’t control our partners.


The truth is that we need only learn to control ourselves. We ultimately come to feel alone in our marriages because we have replaced an accepting attitude toward our partner with unconscious expectations that are ultimately self-defeating.


The first rule of behavior and controlling our emotions is to accept the fact that we can’t change others, we can only change ourselves.  Frustration comes from trying to manipulate those around us when we really should be concentrating on us and our own behaviors.


Being self-directed—taking personal responsibility for one’s own actions—empowers both husband and wife. Rather than feeling victimized, each mate gains greater control over his or her life. A positive, constructive effect begins to transform the marriage. Counselors know that when one mate begins to change for the better, invariably the entire relationship improves.

Many couples are committed to marriage in spite of the self-centered, self-gratifying, self-oriented influences of the world around them. When a husband and wife, struggling to get their own way in marriage, begin to shift their frame of thinking from a demanding to a sustaining and supportive one, they can happily find themselves in a second honeymoon.

Specific steps must be taken to pave the way to a renewed and revitalized relationship. Marital happiness requires demythologizing marriage, fairly evaluating unrealistic expectations and replacing them with the healthy realities of a fulfilling relationship.

What positive steps can you take to rebuild your relationship, to put real romance and love in your marriage?





There are a number of specific things that can be done to rekindle that romance.  We’ll address a lot of them later on in the book, but first you must lay down the foundation before you start down the road.  Becoming self-directed in your quest for a better marriage is a great way to start.  Now let’s get a bit more in-depth.


First of all, you must face the facts.  The notion that if your mate really loves you he or she will automatically change for you is usually an illusion. Here is where self-direction can help. Rather than demanding that your mate change for you, why not ask your mate what he or she would like you to change?

This can bring immediate positive benefits. As one partner begins to change, renewed respect follows, and an example is set for the other to follow. It’s never easy to admit to personal faults and shortcomings, but, when we ask for them to be pointed out and take concrete steps to change them, the situation improves for both partners.

Be honest, and face the facts, even if you’re uncomfortable taking these steps. Realize that you need to grow. When you do your marital relationship will also grow.

Understand what your partner needs.  Another myth is that if your mate really loved you, he or she would always understand you. The story goes that an older couple sought marriage counseling, and the counselor asked the husband if he had ever told his wife of 35 years that he loved her. He responded: “Well, I don’t think I need to do that over and over. After all, I told her I loved her when we got married.”

This man, along with, perhaps, you and me, didn’t realize that we all need reassurance now and then to allay our normal doubts and insecurities. Understanding of your mate requires certain sensitivity to his or her needs. The two sexes are, after all, quite different.

Instead of seeing your differences as hindrances toward a happy marriage, start seeing them as strengths.  Well-meaning couples sometimes see differences as negotiable. But negotiation is too often motivated by a selfish want rather than by love or selflessness. No two human beings are exactly alike. On the surface we may appear similar in many ways. But beneath the surface many differences lie hidden.

Those differences become more pronounced under pressure. Rather than negotiating differences to fit one’s selfish desires, try to view your mate’s differences positively, as strengths.

Look around you. The earth’s biological systems work independently and interdependently. The ecological systems are interdependent. Birds, insects, flowers and fruit trees all function independently within their species. Yet there is interdependence when the fertilization of flowers and trees often depends on both birds and insects in search of food.

In a similar way, a husband and wife can benefit from their differences, thus making two much stronger than one. Women are usually more intuitive, while men are more analytical. Rather than negotiate away such differences, try accepting your mate’s strengths.

When key decisions are made for both husband and wife, the wife’s intuition and the husband’s analytical makeup can combine for a better decision. Combining strengths, rather than letting them be a potential source of conflict, can be a powerful factor in building a successful marriage.

Realize that anything good – like a good marriage – will require some effort and some work.  Some mates assume that if they have to work on their marriage there must be something wrong with it.

Perhaps this assumption comes from a naively romantic outlook toward marriage shaped by popular entertainment and culture. Most who plan to marry assume their marriage is different and therefore impervious to marital problems so common to the rest of us. What every married couple soon finds out is that, although marriage is wonderful, it is also sometimes quite difficult.

Difficult is not always bad. The human experience is fraught with difficulties and, thus, we can empathize with others in their hardships. As in life, so it is in marriage. Life in general and marriage specifically can be happy, but both can be filled with difficulties.

Good relationships don’t just happen; they are cultivated. The good ones are sustained by good works. To bear the rich fruit of a happier marriage requires a personal investment of time, interest and diligence. One person put it this way: “The only relationship that doesn’t require work is the one that’s not worth having.”

Some assume that having to work on marriage after saying “I do” is proof that the relationship wasn’t good enough in the beginning. This notion demonstrates a lack of understanding.

The truth is that all marriages, and especially those we consider the happiest, are marriages that both partners have worked on. It’s no accident that “for better or for worse” is part of many marriage ceremonies?

Work correctly implies sacrifice; work or sacrifice in marriage helps make romantic lovers into inseparable friends.

Don’t just be lovers, be friends as well.  In the most fruitful and productive marriages, mates share the relationship of friendship as well as romantic love.

Many psychological and emotional differences come into play in these relationships, of course. Friendship brings a significantly different array of experiences and feelings to a marriage from those brought by romance.

In terms of its effect, the friendship relationship within marriage can be the most significant because of the amount of time marriage partners spend together, especially as the marriage matures and grows. Still, romance in marriage should be rekindled. It will be by those who are working at having happier marriages.


You must change your state of mind if you want to realize success in bringing your marriage back to a newlywed state.





There are certain attitudes and actions that can help bring romance back to your marriage.  Adopting these attitudes can help keep romance alive or revive it in ways you never thought possible.


When you get frustrated over your husband’s laziness or sick to death of your wife’s nagging, look at this list and put them to use.  You might be quite surprised at what a change they can make!


First, Learn compassion and acceptance. Realize that your partner is human, no matter how perfect he or she seemed in the beginning. He is going to do things that bug you. She is going to do things to disappoint you. Expect this. In fact, is there any relationship of any type where this is not the case? Try to have as much compassion for and acceptance of your partner as you do for your friends.

Most importantly, remember your partner is not imperfect to hurt you. His or her imperfections are not an indication of lack of love for you.

Communicate, communicate, and communicate negative emotions. Communicate when you feel hurt. Communicate when you need something to change. Communicate when you are disappointed. Communicate when you feel angry. Communicate when you feel needy.


It is the negative emotions, like these that we tend to not want to communicate in a relationship. We think we are taking care of our partner by sparing him or her our anger or disappointment. In fact, when we hold our negative emotions back, we are quietly releasing poison into the atmosphere of the relationship.

The best thing to do with any negative emotion is to get it out in the open and resolve it. But, communicate these emotions instead of accusing your partner of making you feel this way or that.

Appreciate and celebrate your partner every day. I know this one is hard to do, but here is something that will help immediately. Live each day as if this is the last day you have with your partner.

I don’t mean to be fatalistic, but accidents happen all of the time. For all you know, today could be the last day you and your partner have together. And if it is the last day, you won’t know it until it is over.

The thing most people regret when a loved one dies is not having had the opportunity to say “I love you.” If a loved one has died in your life, you know exactly what I mean.

Live each day as if it were the last day of your relationship. If this really was the last day with your partner, you would want him or her to know how much he or she is loved and appreciated.

Touch each other every day. Physical connection is essential to the health and longevity of the relationship, as well as to the health and longevity of each of you.

If you have been out of practice for a while, you may not feel romantic at first, may not want to by intimate with your partner. Even if it feels artificial, I suggest you try to connect physically and sexually. As you reconnect, you will find it gets easier to continue reconnecting and to bring the romance and even love back into your relationship.

So how do you do this?  There are lots of ways to get started.  Let’s start with the generalities.





The following suggestions should be implemented anytime you want to rekindle the romance that has gone away.  They are simple but very powerful!


Make a list of the special days that you celebrate together, such as the day you met, a monthly or yearly anniversary date, or even the anniversary of a special date from your past. On these days make a point to spend some time quality time together. Cook a special meal. Buy a card, write a short letter and let your spouse know that you didn’t forget.

Toast each other when you sit down to dinner. It doesn’t need to be over bubbly or wine, but even a glass of water or iced tea. Tell your mate something you love about him or her and then drink to it!

Let your spontaneous side show through. Taking someone for granted can be the result of getting stuck in a bad routine. Break the routine by meeting up after work if that is something you don’t normally do. Allow for more romance in your life.

Take pictures every day. Don’t save the camera for holidays and special occasions. Create a visual scrapbook of your everyday lives together. Better still, set the timer and pose together. You will both appreciate the warmth of the moment when you see these snapshots in an album down the road.

Set something aside for your spouse every day. It might be a magazine article you read during your commute, a link to a website you came across, or even a story you heard at the office water cooler. They will appreciate that you took a moment to think of them during the course of your day.

Do something thoughtful every day. Maybe its making a cup of hot cocoa in the morning, sticking a surprise note in his brief case, or leaving a chocolate ‘kiss’ on the night stand before bedtime. Everyone loves a romantic surprise.

Be generous with your compliments. It’s always easier to practice flattery at the start of a relationship, but also easier to forget to say later on. Remember that everyone loves a sincere compliment and your partner is no different.

Let him or her see you at your best. It’s ironic that we dress up to meet total strangers but let ourselves go around our nearest and dearest. Most men love to see their woman in attractive colors, in well fitting clothes and perhaps wearing a hint of their favorite fragrance.  Keeping a tidy appearance is simple but most important.

Be honest if you are feeling stressed or under the weather. Your spouse will appreciate your honesty and will know not to take it personally when you are in a bad mood.

Trust your partner’s decisions. You may not agree with everything your partner does, but truly having trust in another person requires that you accept the decisions he makes.

You may not always agree with the way he handles a crisis situation for example. While it is your responsibility to talk about your concerns, it’s also your responsibility to step back and not argue once a decision has been reached. And if the outcome doesn’t play out as he anticipated, avoid saying “I told you so.”

Get back in touch with each other.  In the beginning, couples often touch each other:  holding hands, stroking hair, hugging, putting their arms around each other.  When romance falls away from a marriage, often the only times people touch is when they want sex.  This can make your partner feel used and unloved.


Why does the touching disappear after marriage or once you have been intimate.  During courtship, most couples refrain from intimate touching.  It’s proper to practice physical restraint in the early stages of a relationship.  But once you are given the green light to touch in a sexual way, the impulse for affectionate touching may ebb.  After the intense pleasure of sexual touch, a simple hug can pale by comparison.


But women need that non-sexual touch.  As children, we like to be cuddled.  Think of how good it feels when your partner snuggles up against you.  Women never lose that strong need to be held.  Men need to be tuned into this desire and start that touching again.  She will respond in ways that you’ll be happy with and when it comes time for the sexual touch, she’ll be much more receptive!

Remember that compliments are free.  When you are dating, chances are that the compliments were free-flowing.  After you’ve been married awhile, the compliments start to go away.

Why?  Maybe you stop noticing your partner’s appearance.  Perhaps you just don’t take the time to really notice your partner.  This can cause your spouse to feel hurt and rejected.  It can even cause them to stop taking care of themselves and trying to be attractive for you.  Even worse, it could cause them to try and look especially nice for other people.  We all know what that can lead to!


As we grow older, our bodies change.  It’s inevitable.  Just as our bodies change, our relationships change.  It can be a huge help to your relationship if you reassure your partner that you still find them attractive and sexy.  Don’t assume that your partner knows this – tell them!

This is where communication is important.  One woman who had been married for ten years simply came out and asked her husband, “If I ask you how I look, would you say that I look beautiful?”  He asked if he should say that even if he didn’t feel like it.  She told him, “Yes, I would.  It helps me feel better about myself.”  Her husband did this for awhile and they found their marriage improving dramatically from just a simple compliment.

Some women feel like their husbands should compliment them on their own, but sometimes men feel uncomfortable doing this.  It’s kind of humorous, that when dating, men are fine with complimenting their mate, but once married, those compliments seem to dry up.  Don’t let this happen in your marriage!  Compliment your mate – even on the little things.

My husband is the worst about offering up compliments to me.  I have learned to take anything I can get.  For example, one day I spent the whole day cleaning the house.  Everything sparkled and I was very pleased with myself.  When my husband came home, he told me how nice everything looked, it made me feel wonderful.

We are constantly working on the complimenting thing.  I try to show him what I mean by complimenting him myself.  If he looks especially good in his police uniform, I tell him so.  The look on his face is worth the effort, and sometimes he even returns the compliment!

Remember when you first met and found yourself talking for hours and hours as you got to know each other?  So often, when we marry, those conversations die off as we go about taking care of the business of life.  We don’t make time to talk to each other like we used to.  Your feelings about your spouse may not have changed, but you just express them differently.

In the beginning, you listen to the other person to learn more about them.  Once you know these things, you may feel like you’ve run out of things to say and don’t find any need to really listen anymore.

However, women experience greater intimacy by sharing their thoughts and feelings.  This might make most men cringe, but it’s a fact that most women are talkers – even if what they have to say might not seem important.  This makes men feel like they have to solve whatever problems their wives are having putting undue pressure on them.

Instead of trying to get your partner to talk, try to get them to listen.  When you just sit and listen to your partner without the pressure of having to provide solutions to problems, you will relax more and be more willing to share your own victories and losses.  When you take the time to talk – even about the mundane things – you’ll realize that you’re in this marriage together and you will experience even great closeness!

You’ve heard people say that it’s the little things that mean the most in a relationship.  When you’re trying to get your romance back, those little things can make the biggest difference in a marriage filled with romance or a marriage filled with angst.

What little things are we talking about?  Taking out the trash, unloading the dishwasher, washing her car, rubbing his feet after a rough day.  In the beginning, you might feel like this is the best way to show your love, but after the marriage, maybe the fact that you are sharing your income and lives are enough.  Unfortunately, this is just not true.

Men and women alike appreciate the little things.  When you can express your love by doing something small, your partner will know that you realize those little things can add up.  You are making your partner happy and they will feel like you are really a team.

In early courtship, a man is on the hunt. He is completely focused on winning over the woman he cares for and will do whatever it takes to be successful. His ability to focus so intently makes a big impact on the woman who is the center of his desire. Problems begin only after he succeeds. Having won her, he relaxes and redirects his energy towards a new goal.

Most marriages start out very loving and both partners are happy as clams. Then, as months passed, one or the other might become disenchanted. You talk less and less. The change might be so gradual that you don’t even notice it. Eventually, it becomes clear that one of you is genuinely unhappy.

At this point, you have to realize that time is what your partner needs in order to feel loved and needed again.  Try devoting 20 minutes exclusively to them.  Make them the focus of those 20 minutes and shut out everything else that might try to distract you.  Employ some of the tactics we’ve already talked about:  listen to their concerns, talk about your day, dream about the future, and reminisce about the past.

Devoting this time to your partner will be freeing, liberating, and a moment you can share.  Both of you will find yourselves looking forward to that 20 minutes and saving up your energy to reconnecting and reclaiming your passion for each other!

Be spontaneous with your partner it is a way to help your relationship flourish. Being spontaneous with your partner can enrich and strengthen your intimate moments.       Try something that you have been wanting to do.  Don’t be shy, express yourself and see what works!

Spontaneity is the spice of life, or so they say, but sometimes the “fly by the seat of your pants” philosophy is the best way to live.  It’s new, fresh, and fun!  Do something out of the ordinary, surprise your partner and have fun doing it!

This doesn’t have to be something huge and monumental.  It can be as simple as taking off for a day’s jaunt to the local museum.  Maybe you’ll put together your mate’s favorite meal and serve it by candlelight.  Better yet, serve it to them in your altogether!  What a great way to show your fun side!

Talk, listen and laugh together become best friends.  You will soon start creating a bond of intimacy.  Be sincere open and honest.  Communicate about love, sex and the relationship.  You won’t be sorry that you did!

Create consistent times to talk about your relationship. When a couple feels like their marriage is dry and dull, think about what you usually talk about when you’re alone. Most often it will be work, the kids, finances, and upcoming events.  At this point, ask how much time you spend focusing on your relationship — on your love life.  Usually, you’ll find yourself noticing that you focus very little time on your love life.

Romance is sure to wane if you spend the majority of your time discussing the mundane tasks and obligations of life. The next time you’re alone with your spouse, focus on your marriage.  Lovers who still have fire between them are in the habit of discussing their relationship, talking about how their love was born, and sharing with each other what they feel.

Don’t forget to date.  That’s right; you can actually date after you’re married!  Think back to your courtship, and recapture the excitement of those well-planned, anxiously awaited dates.

Wear your best clothes, go to a fancy restaurant, hold hands, and look into each other’s eyes like you did when you were dating. You wouldn’t have even thought about canceling a date before you were married, so don’t let the mundane duties of life get in the way of time with each other now.

Go on a weekend getaway at least twice a year.  As enriching as dates are, you also need extended periods of unhurried, relaxing time to nurture your love.

Go somewhere conducive to letting go of tension and daily concerns. Wherever you go, make sure times of romance are central to your daily schedule. That means walks along the water, long naps in the afternoon, and evenings filled with moonlit dinners and pleasant conversation

In fact, there are many, many ways to rekindle romance in your marriage.  Let’s look at some more ways to reconnect with your spouse and reintroduce romance into your marriage.



Spend lots of time dreaming together. There is something wildly attractive about merging our hopes and dreams for the future with someone else’s. And working toward the realization of shared dreams contributes dramatically to the level of romance in marriage.

Indeed, the best relationships involve people who have a well-formed vision of the life they are pursuing together. I encourage you to have a dream for the next year of your marriage, another for the next five years, and another for the next 10 years.

Accentuate physical affection. Obviously, sex is an important component of any married couple’s romantic relationship. But there is so much more to physical affection than intercourse. Do you and your partner regularly hug, hold hands, smooch, nuzzle, and walk arm in arm? Touching is a ready-made reservoir of relational energy and intimacy.

Place a high priority on laughter and levity. Laughing together creates a magical bond. When you and your partner find humor in the same thing, you are fused together at that moment. Relive funny events from your lives, swap stories, watch wacky movies together — whatever makes you laugh, do it often.

Regularly communicate your mutual significance to each other. Look for every opportunity to tell your spouse, “You are the most important person in my life.”

You can convey this verbally, in writing, or through acts of kindness. This can be something small like bringing home your mate’s favorite ice cream or buying them a book with a touching inscription inside.  These small gestures assure your partner that they are in your thoughts when we’re apart, and this draws you closer to each other.

My husband was working a night shift and when he came home the next morning, I was greeted by some yellow wildflowers in a drinking glass sitting on the kitchen table.  Now, they were ragweed blossoms, and I am allergic, so when I asked him what those were, he told me, “I saw them by the side of the road and thought they were pretty – just like you.”

I took a Claritin and smiled that my husband was thinking of me while he was toiling away at his job.  It didn’t matter what kind of flower it was, it was the gesture that meant the most.  He got huge brownie points for that one!  Even if my eyes did swell up!

Eat by candlelight.  It doesn’t matter if it’s a Domino’s pizza or a five-course gourmet meal, candles can present an atmosphere that is amazingly conducive to romance.  Have you ever eaten pizza by candlelight?  Try it!  You’ll be surprised at how romantic it really is!

Pay attention when your spouse mentions things he or she likes or expresses interest in something that could make a good gift, such as a new CD, a book, or theater, concert, sports tickets.

Be on the lookout for ideas for birthday, holiday, and anniversary gifts, plus “no reason” surprise gifts. It’s very flattering to know that someone really tried to find a gift that was just what you wanted.

Frequently offer foot massages, shoulder massages, and full-body massages to your spouse. You’ll get plenty of romantic brownie points in your “relationship bank account” if you keep some great-smelling lotion handy and take ten minutes to massage your spouse’s tired feet at the end of a long work day.

Note: If you expect to be rewarded for your efforts by sex, you won’t accumulate any points for being romantic. Your spouse will just think you have an ulterior motive when you offer a massage in the future.  Do this unselfishly and enjoy the rewards!

Giving sweet cards and letters to your spouse can be romantic, as can emails and phone messages that share your feelings and passion. Handwritten letters sent through the mail are becoming more and more of a rarity. That’s good for you because that means your spouse will think you’re really romantic for taking the time to write a love letter by hand and mail it. That will make more of an impact than just sending an email if you want to get extra brownie points.

Another way to be romantic is to look for opportunities to pamper and spoil your spouse. That might be letting a spouse sleep in late while you watch the kids, or it could be telling your partner to sit down and relax while you clean up after dinner.

The key is in the delivery of the offer. You might say, “Nothing’s too good for my sweetheart” or “You’re such a love. It’s fun to pamper you.” You can accompany your words with a hug or kiss

Talking in front of your spouse to someone else about your partner’s good points is romantic. Take full advantage of opportunities to say, ‘I’m so lucky to have such a supportive wife (or husband)-she’s such a treasure. I’m a lucky man.”

You can also do this when you’re talking on the phone and know that your spouse is within listening range. If you’re not sure your partner heard you, when you get off the phone ask, “Did you hear me telling my sister what a great husband you are? I was really bragging on you!”

In the romance department, flowers, plants, candy, or a special home-cooked meal never go out of favor. Many females love to receive beautiful fresh flowers or a box of delicious chocolate candy. Both husbands and wives can appreciate the efforts of a partner to put together an intimate, special home-cooked meal by candlelight with music playing and flowers on the table.

Surprise your spouse with a framed picture of the two of you in a setting that will bring back pleasant memories. Another option is to frame a picture of your spouse that shows him or her in a flattering way and let your partner know how much you love the photo. Keep it on your nightstand, computer, dresser, or desk and let your spouse see you looking at it admiringly.

We talked about taking surprise getaways.  Why don’t you take the initiative to plan a surprise weekend outing? Call and make all the arrangements ahead of time.

The outing doesn’t have to be expensive or complex. It might be as simple as planning a picnic at a nearby scenic spot. You might prepare the surprise picnic lunch when your spouse is in the shower.

Or you might make arrangements for a restaurant to pack a gourmet lunch for the two of you that you could pick up on your way out of town.

Music that you and your spouse both like can set a romantic tone. If you see a movie that you both enjoyed a lot, you might consider buying the sound track as a surprise gift the following week. You could also select a song that you both like and decide to make it “your song.” Or you could pick a song and tell your spouse that it reminds you of him or her for some positive reason.

Celebrate every occasion you can think of-the anniversary of the day you met, when you became engaged, your marriage anniversary, your birthdays, seeing the full moon, and anything else you can come up with.

You can toast with champagne (or non-alcoholic champagne) and perhaps have a celebration meal. But it can be just as fun to make a big deal out of going out for an ice cream cone to celebrate.

There are hundreds of men and women out there who don’t feel like they can be romantic.  It goes against their every feeling of comfortableness and ease.  It feels foreign and wrong, but being romantic is important in re-kindling those feelings you had when you first got married.



For some, romance comes easily and naturally. For others, being romantic can be difficult at best. Whether extremely capable or a bit bumbling, we all need to make an effort to keep the romance alive and well in our relationships.

One of the most important things to remember when it comes to being romantic is that it isn’t so much what we do, but that we try to do something – anything. Romance is one of those things which even a lame attempt beats the heck out of no attempt at all.

So for all those who let their fear of looking silly or their lack of a romantic flare stop them from at least trying to be romantic, quit worrying and start doing! That’s the wonderful thing about romance – even if you do come off looking a bit inept, it just adds to the charm.

Simply put, you need not be a poet to write a love letter. You don’t have to be gourmet chef to prepare a candle lit dinner for two. As long as what you do or say comes from the heart, you can’t go wrong.

Additionally, it’s often the little things that say the most, so don’t feel being romantic takes a grand gesture or requires an expensive gift – that’s just not the case. Sometimes hiding a simple love note for your partner to find during the day is all it takes to make them feel wanted and special.

Okay, so now that we’re sufficiently pumped-up to romance the socks off our partners, what are we going to do for them? Ah yes, the granddaddy of all romantic stumbling blocks – the idea.

I would venture to guess, even the greatest lovers of all time drew a blank occasionally when it came to coming up with a great romantic notion. When this happens, we’re probably putting too much thought into the WHAT, rather than the HOW.

When we concentrate only on what type of romantic gesture to make, this can often be a block to the free flow of ideas. If we approach the problem from a different perspective – considering HOW we want our partner to feel, suddenly ideas begin to come to mind. This gives us a frame work of sorts to build upon. Give it a try the next time you find yourself searching for a good romantic idea.

We also need to consider our partner’s likes and dislikes, and what would be meaningful to them. Remember, this is about them, not us. And guys, although sexy lingerie is wonderful, are you really buying it for your partner, or for yourself?

Often, if we keep our eyes and ears open, our partners will give us clues to what they find romantic, etc. Sometimes the very things they do for us are a good indication of what they would like us to do for them.

Keep in mind, romance is more about feelings and emotions, than it is about things. Mood, spontaneity, and speaking from the heart are much more important than anything you could ever buy in a store.

Being romantic is nothing more than the means by which we convey to our partners all the loving thoughts and feelings we have for them in our hearts and minds. Even for those of us who find it difficult to express these things, it’s important to try, and try often. Your partner will love you for it, and your relationship will flourish because of it.

That’s the thing about relationships, like anything else, the more effort and thought we put into them, the better they become. Now go out there and put a little romance in your relationship!

Do you need a few suggestions?  We’ve got some for you!





There are all kinds of things you can do to bring romance back into your marriage.  Many of them are really simple, but they can pack a wallop when you put them into practice.  Consider some of these suggestions:


  • Take a wine tasting class together.
  • Go to a reading by a writer you both admire. These take place at libraries, book stores and universities all the time.
  • Spend an afternoon together in a ceramics workshop.
  • Sign up for a cooking lesson with a chef.
  • Start your own book club for two. Agree to read the same book and then discuss it.
  • Take a dance class together. Ballroom dancing and Latin dance are famously romantic.
  • Learn a new sport together. Consider taking tennis or golf lessons together.
  • Hop on a roller coaster together. Feel free to cling to one another – and scream!
  • Make a list together of all the places you’d like to visit. Then start planning to find the time for these getaways. Most of all go there!
  • Paint a room in an unusual color. Maybe you are both tired of looking at the same walls and wish to liven them up with something more inviting. Better yet, make it your bedroom, and then spend A LOT of time in there enjoying that new color!
  • Send love notes to your mate. Post them everywhere – on the bathroom mirror, on the dashboard of their car, inside a briefcase, or even inside their coffee cup! In these notes, tell them how gorgeous, handsome, beautiful, sexy you think they are.  Tell them how much you love them.  Be creative be specific – even be naughty!
  • Surprise your sweetie with tickets to an event you think s/he’d really enjoy. Hide them where s/he’ll find them.
  • Take her/him out on a date where s/he gets to choose whatever s/he wants to do, even if it’s something you wouldn’t ordinarily want to do (remember to be gracious).
  • Take turns planning weekly dates, where you take turns deciding what to do. A date could be a picnic in a park, a drive in the country, a trip to an art gallery, or a movie.
  • Turn your home into a fine restaurant for one evening. Surprise your lover with a menu, music, candles, a delicious meal, and table service (that’s you). If you’re frequently too busy to find time together, make spending time together a priority. Show your partner that s/he is your priority.
  • Take a day off from all responsibilities, including the telephone, and just do what you both really want to do. Be completely spontaneous, and if you can’t agree, take turns doing what you both want.
  • Devote yourself to your partner’s wishes for a fixed amount of time. S/he gets to decide whatever s/he wants you to do (assuming you agree to it). S/he may want to be held, have you read poetry, receive a massage, be understood about something, have you clean the kitchen, or be taken out for coffee. Taking turns with this can be a lot of fun.
  • Be playful with each other. Feed each other with your fingers, stay in bed all day, take a walk in the rain, sing old tunes you both know, or have a pillow fight. It doesn’t matter what you do, just that you have fun again.
  • Find a time to look deeply and lovingly into your lover’s eyes; words are not necessary. Look at her/his face and see her/his beauty and uniqueness. Tell her/him what you see and feel. Take the risk to feel the depth of your emotions and to share that with your lover.
  • At night before you fall asleep, tell her/him something that you love about her/him. Remember, you’re the one who knows what your lover really enjoys.
  • Surprise her/him with something special-don’t wait for a birthday or anniversary.
  • Compliment each other lovingly in public and in privacy, show affection for each other.
  • Show them how much your really care by being responsive, caring and loving whole heartedly. Do the little things that say I love you and care for you.
  • Respect each other whole heartedly, partners who treat each other with kind and respect know that it is essential for having a deep connections and loving relationship.
  • Be a good partner regularly get them something you know they will like and enjoy.
  • Don’t let negative or annoying comments bother you. Discuss the negativity when you are both calm.
  • Take responsibility for your own growth, appearance and health.
  • Communicating without fear is absolutely essential to building the deepest kind of friendship and intimate partner.


The idea is that whatever you do; make it special – and JUST DO IT!  Don’t be afraid to let your imagination go wild, or to appear silly. Your partner will enjoy the love and thought you’ve put into it, and over time you may find your relationship feeling vibrant once more.

Inevitably, conflicts will arise.  There’s no reason why you can’t fight – it’s a part of marriage, but you should take a few suggestions on how to make sure your fights don’t impede your romantic feelings.



Traditionally, when couples fight, have misunderstandings, discover a lack of things in common, or confront the challenge of incompatibility, their first instinct is to flee while rationalizing to themselves “this will never work, we’re just too different.”  It really doesn’t have to be this way.

Arguments will occur in your marriage.  It’s a fact.  Those arguments can wear away at your good feelings toward your partner and wreak havoc with the way you get along.  Learn how to fight fair, and you won’t have to worry about your fights eroding away at your romantic feelings.

With commitment, courage, and the willingness to exchange stale, unconscious behavior patterns for fresh, healthy choices, you can learn how to transform the differences into catalysts for growth, instead of fodder for heartache. Here are nine suggestions to make the differences between partners make lovers out of adversaries.

Our first reaction to conflict is to run away from it rather than face it.  It’s natural, but running away doesn’t help resolve the conflict, it only escalates it.  Your goal is to co-create and discover a new way of being together, a resolution that satisfies both of you. Therefore, each of you needs to speak your half of the problem and listen respectfully and with genuine curiosity to your partner’s point of view.

First of all, you need to define the issue.  Truthfully express what is disturbing you in as much detail as possible.  Don’t leave your partner in the dark when it comes to what is troubling you.  Use your words and express yourself fully.  This is the essential first step toward conflict resolution.

Realize that it’s alright to feel your feelings.  Experience and communicate your feelings as honestly and openly as you can in the moment you are feeling them.

Remember that you care.  Keep in mind that ongoing relationships are a mosaic made up of many facets, and there is more to your partner and your relationship than any one issue.  You need to work through that issue and not let it define who either of you are as a person.

Beware of self-sabotage.  Stay aware of what’s going on inside you during a rough spot in the relationship, don’t allow old negative behavior patterns to swamp the present moment.  This could be the worst thing you can do when in conflict with the one you love

It’s easy to assign blame all on yourself when there is a problem.  Just remember that it doesn’t matter who has the initial problem, what matters is that you resolve it in a way that is best for both of you!

Change your mindset.  Open yourself to the fact that any issue can be understood and interpreted in a variety of ways, otherwise you’ll continue to stay in a rut and progressively dig the hole deeper with every conflict.

Take personal responsibility, but not too much!  Ask yourself in what way or ways do you contribute to the situation that upsets you or your partner. Rarely if ever in an ongoing relationship does a difficulty arise that has not been contributed to by both partners.

Remember that your partner is not you.  Learn to internalize and understand that your partner is not you. Your resolutions will be respectful of your differences only when you both find ways to empathize with the other’s point of view.

Be consciously creative.  Hold the other in your consciousness as you want to be held. Appreciate and value the other’s experience in the ways that it is different from yours.  This is especially helpful as it will keep you from transferring blame onto your partner when it’s just a problem that needs to be solved.

Seek both resolutions and solutions.  As you seek a resolution, remember that you are two different people, and the resolution needs to reveal not an either/or but a both/ and quality. Resolutions aren’t about winning; they’re about a process of respect and intimacy, growth and emergence.

Guard against the very dangerous belief that if you’re having difficulty with your partner, that means your relationship is in trouble. More than likely it means your relationship needs a tune-up and an oil change. Only in romantic fantasy does everything go smoothly without attention, care and change.

So we’ve given you some great tools to try and bring romance back into your marriage.  Do you want something a little more specific?



Even though most people should come up with their sweetness off the top of their head based on how they feel for their partner, some people simply do not have the capacity to come up with their own ideas.  Let’s go ahead and give you some specifics to work with.

You know that we have said it’s a very romantic idea to leave notes for your spouse.  What do you say in those notes?  Try a few of these on for size.


  • I’m so glad you’re my husband/wife
  • I smile when I think about you!
  • You make my life wonderful
  • Remember when we said “I Do”, well I still do!
  • I’m so glad the “better” is more than the “worse”
  • When I met you, I couldn’t believe how lucky I was. Since we’ve been married, I can’t believe how lucky I AM!
  • Without you, I’m just not me!
  • You complete me. (Kudos to “Jerry Maguire”!)
  • The most amazing part of my life is YOU!
  • Let’s run away together – to the bedroom!
  • You make every day a great day.
  • If I didn’t have you, I’d be lost
  • Thanks for picking me!
  • We may not be perfect, but we’re perfect for each other!
  • Today is a great day because the first thing I saw this morning was your beautiful face.
  • I’d do it all over again.
  • Out of all the people in the world, fate led me to you. Thank heavens for fate!


They might sound a little cheesy, but, believe me, when your husband (or wife) reads those words, they’ll swoon.  Yes, even the guys will love it!

Want some ideas for some wonderful gifts for your spouse?  Even if you don’t have much money, you can come up with a great way to show your husband or wife how much you love them.  Give them a gift!




Romance doesn’t always involve candy and flowers.  Sometimes it’s small things that make your loved one believe that you are truly glad to have them in your life.  Take some time to put some thought into how you want to pamper your significant other and then do it!

But if you need some ideas, we have a few for you!

Most people have music that means something to them.  Even if you don’t have a favorite song, surely you can think of some type of music that means something to you.

Remember making mix tapes of your favorite songs when you were a kid?  Do that for your husband or wife.  Pick out a few songs that make you think of them and burn them to a CD or record them to a cassette.  Pick out songs that will tell them how you feel about them.

Need a little help?  Here are a few suggestions:

  • “Wing Beneath My Wings” by Bette Midler
  • “If I Don’t Have You” by Whitney Houston
  • “The One” by Elton John
  • “You’re Beautiful” by John Mayer
  • “Because You Loved Me” by Celine Dion
  • “My Best Friend” by Tim McGraw
  • “Can You Feel The Love Tonight” by Elton John
  • “I Love The Way You Love Me” by John Michael Montgomery
  • “Wonderful Tonight” by Eric Clapton
  • “Forever and Ever, Amen” by Randy Travis
  • “When You Love Someone” by Bryan Adams
  • “In Your Eyes” by Peter Gabriel
  • “Truly, Madly, Deeply” by Savage Garden
  • “Amazed” by Lone Star

Even if none of these songs have any significance to you and your partner, imagine how please they will be to know that you picked all of them out just for them to show how much you love them?

Need some more romantic ideas?  No problem!

So often, guys – and even gals – go to the video store to rent a movie for you to watch as a couple.  Now, guys have a different kind of entertainment in mind than girls do.  No, I’m not talking porn, I’m talking about those action flicks that girls find – well, a little yawn inducing.

On the flip side, gals like to watch the romantic comedies where everything works out in the end and the guy gets the gal, etc., etc.  Guys find THIS type of movie more than yawn inducing; they can often find a movie like this positively excruciating!

Where you make amazing romantic points here is when you pick out a movie just because you know your spouse would love it – even if you will hate it.  I’ve done this countless times – rented a movie that I know I have no desire to watch, but I know my hubby will.

Then you get additional points when you actually sit through the whole movie without falling asleep.  Want to really impress your mate?  Talk about the movie without rolling your eyes!  You’d be surprised at how much it might mean to them!  What this says is that you actually care that they like something you don’t, but you’re willing to give it a chance because you love them that much!

You know those sweet things you think of when you are together or when you’re apart and just thinking about your honey? Well, next time a thought pops in your mind, voice it! Girls especially love to know what wonderful things go on in the inner workings of their guy’s minds, so chances are, guys may also enjoy a few catch phrases.

Pick up the phone and let them know what that thought was!  Who knows?  It could lead to much, much more!

Spend time with his or her family. The seriousness of a relationship can sometimes be gauged by how one interacts with his or her partner’s family. Spending time at your honey’s family’s home can also serve to strengthen your relationship.

Snuggle up and take a nap together. There is nothing quite like falling asleep and waking up in the arms of the one you love.

Play romantic music and dance together. Slowly dancing around the room to a favorite song can mean so much more when it is completely unexpected.

Go on a picnic! Gather your favorite foods, drinks and desserts, a comfortable blanket and some utensils, plates, cups and napkins and head out for the park on a beautiful day. Go for a walk in the park while you are there and enjoy all of the nature around you.

My husband did this for me once, and it was an amazing experience!  He picked me up from work on my lunch hour and we went to the park where he pulled out a basket filled with my most favorite foods.

We spent the whole time feeding each other and really talking like we hadn’t done in a very long time.  It was amazingly erotic, and let me know that he really did notice what I liked and what was important to me!

Carry his or her photo in your wallet. Keep your sweetie present at all times by putting a photo of him/her or the two of you together in your wallet, at work, in your car or wherever you think you would most like to see it.

When your husband or wife sees that you care enough to carry you with them, it’s a beautiful feeling to know they are proud of you and want to show you off – even when you aren’t there!

Bring your sweetheart to visit places you came to know and love in your childhood. Parks, playgrounds, the zoo, pumpkin patches, museums, amusement parks, beaches, boardwalks and any other attractions that you enjoyed as a child can bring back happy memories to share with your significant other.

When you share with your partner, you give them a portal into your heart.  By giving them your memories, you are saying it’s alright for them to remember them with you.  There’s nothing more romantic and more intimate.

Share your daydreams. Whatever makes your heart soar at thoughts of the future, consider sharing those ideas with your special one. Daydreaming together can be a very romantic and emotional experience, whether it is fully in jest or in a degree of serious contemplation.

An added perk to sharing your daydreams is that you are giving your partner a way to know exactly who and what is valuable to you.  Who know – maybe your spouse will want to make that daydream a reality!

I am a huge fan of massage as a way to connect or re-connect with your spouse.  Sure, you can rub your own shoulders, but it’s just not as electric as when the one you love puts their hands on your body to knead your sore muscles into ecstasy.

Don’t have a clue on how to do it?  Well, let’s give you some tips.  After all, that’s what we’re here for!




There’s very few things you can do for your spouse than giving them a massage.  Who doesn’t love the touch of the one you love?  It’s even better when it helps relieve your stress and bring you closer!

Massage doesn’t have to be sexual either.  It can be an expression of love that will last for a very long time.  You owe it to yourself and your partner to learn what a good massage is all about.

Here are some tips to help you prepare for a massage.


  • Lock the door and unplug the phone.
  • Be sure you have the time to spend with your partner. A massage is not the type of experience you want to rush.
  • Turn down the light. The lighting should be soft and indirect. Candlelight is perfect. Even natural sunlight shining through a window in the afternoon is terrific.
  • You might want it quiet. Although I think we all like Barry White and other soft sensual music, you might prefer a quiet room. This will help you feel and hear what your partner enjoys.
  • You will want the room to be warm. Almost 80 degrees will allow a naked partner to be comfortable.
  • Make sure your hands are warm. You can accomplish this by rubbing them together thoroughly or by taking a bath together.
  • Although it isn’t essential to be clean before a massage, your partner will certainly be more relaxed if they are clean.

This massage will involve every area of the body include such places as behind the ears and between the toes. Be sure your partner will be comfortable by taking a bath. You might also make sure that your fingernails are clean and trimmed neatly – not necessarily short, just neat.

  • A nice scented candle will provide the warmth, light, and scent that will set the mood. Women might prefer a lighter, more floral scent (rose or jasmine might be appropriate). Men might prefer a more rugged, woodsy scent like cedar or sandalwood
  • You will want to give a massage on a flat, firm surface. A firm mattress is acceptable; using pillows on the floor is good too. A massage table is best, but not everyone has one of these.
  • The massage receiver should prepare like they are preparing for bed. They might want to remove their contacts, their makeup, and have their teeth brushed. They are about to experience something special and might want to sleep or make love (or both) afterward.

It is best to keep in constant contact with your partner. As you move to different areas of the body do so in a continuous manner. Keeping contact helps the massage flow smoothly and increases intimacy.

Use pressure that feels good to your partner. Listen to their responses and let them tell you how much pressure is just right.

Take your time. Relax and enjoy this intimate time together.

Keep your movements rhythmic, even, and symmetric. By following smooth patterns your partner will be able to understand what is happening and will relax more deeply.

Use an Oil or Massage Cream. Either allows your hands to glide smoothly over your partner. The effect of warm oil being smoothly spread over your body is absolutely delicious. As you move to new areas of the body, start by spreading warm oil with your hands. This makes an astounding prelude to massage.

You can start a massage on any portion of the body. You will want to be somewhat continuous and symmetric. Here are two suggestions:

First, start with the feet, work up the back of the legs,           the back, neck, arms, chest, abdomen, and then front of the legs. Ending with the abdomen and the front of the legs allows you to direct blood flow to the genitals. This is a great order to use if you want to make love.

You can also start with the chest, abdomen, front of the legs, feet, back of the legs, buttocks, and then back. This order ends with the back and leaves your partner fully relaxed and quite possibly sleepy. This is a terrific massage if your partner needs to relax and rest.

So many people I know love having their back rubbed.  This can be so very relaxing, but only if it’s done correctly.  When performing a back massage, here are some great tips to consider:

  • You might feel most comfortable kneeling astride your partner.
  • Your partner might find that quite a bit of nervous tension disappears after a back massage.
  • You might find that up to a third of the time spent on a massage will be spent on the back. I doubt any of us will complain.
  • The back muscles are usually massaged in three groups. A successful back rub will cover all three groups: the long muscles that run parallel to the spine, the flat muscle groups that cover the top of the back and lower neck, and the wide band of muscles that stretches from the spine to the side of the back.
  • Begin the back rub with a simple circulation (sweeping motion) that touches all three areas in a simple, continuous stroke. You needn’t press hard during this stroke.
  • Then make your hands flat and place your fingers facing the spine. Slide your hands up the spine, press with medium pressure. When you reach the neck turn your hands so that your fingers massage along the top of the shoulders and then down the outer sides of the back.When you come back down the outer sides of the back, turn your hands back to the original position.

    Repeat this circulation movement about ten times.

Then you can move on to pressing the back.  Pressing the back is the most dramatic massage stroke available.

In order to get the technique right, you need to understand one principle fact about massage. Massage is the manipulation of muscle tissue. When pressing on the back, you will have two ridges of muscle that run just outboard of the spine. These ridges are where you should concentrate your attention.

When pressing up the back start at the very, very base of the spine (even as low as the upper buttock). Apply pressure with the heel of each hand. Lean forward as you press. Slide your hands along the ridges of muscle from the very base of the spine until you reach the shoulder blades.

In contrast to the circulation stroke, don’t bring your hands back along the far outside of the back. Bring them back just outboard of where you just massaged.

You will know when you are doing this stroke properly. Your partner will moan with delight.

At least ten strokes are appropriate here. Your partner will probably ask for more. Entertain them with different variations (small circles as you glide up the spine, use your thumbs in place of the heel of your hand, scratch their back as you return to the base of the spine, use your imagination).

Using your thumbs you can concentrate on the muscle tissue just outboard of the spine. You can glide up these muscles best if you use a liberal amount of massage oil.  Small circular strokes in this area feel absolutely divine.

We pretty much can guarantee that anyone – woman or man – will love a foot massage.  But massaging the foot involves more than just kneading the foot.

Our feet take a beating in daily life. Who wouldn’t want to lie down at the end of the day and receive a foot massage? Our dogs are tired.

The first stroke in a good foot massage is called a circulation stroke. The name implies that it increase blood flow in the tissues of the foot.

Grasp the foot with one hand and stroke the top with the other. You can use light pressure along the top of the foot. Moderate pressure might be required on the bottom of the foot to prevent tickling your partner.

Continue rubbing and stroking your partners entire foot. Twenty times on the top and ten times on the bottom is nice.

The next step is to rotate the foot.  When you are doing this, only slight movement is necessary.  This move is not a stretch; it is just a movement to relax the foot and ankle.

Support the foot with one hand. With the other hand, gently move the foot through its natural range of motion. Do not push firmly. Simply and slowly glide the foot in an oval-type motion. As you slowly rotate the foot, you may find the range of motion increases slightly.

Rotate the foot 3-5 times in each direction.

Then you need to stroke the foot.  This type of stroke won’t relax just the feet; it will relax the whole body.

Start with your fingertips right where the toes meet he foot. Use both hands to press down between the bones of the foot. Slide your up the foot toward the ankle, when your fingers reach ankle level, wrap your fingers around the ankle and massage the front of the ankle joint with your thumbs.

You should generally look for muscle tissue to rub when giving a massage. This area is firm with bone, tendons and ligaments. Try to do your best to treat the muscle tissue you find with thorough kneading.

The next step is to flex and rotate the bones of the foot.  This stroke feels really nice when the top of the foot is sore from standing or walking.

Press the heel of each hand on the outer edges of the foot. You will be curling the top of the foot. When you curl the foot you will be able to massage the muscle between the bones with your thumbs. While curling the foot you will also end up pressing your fingertips into the underside of the foot. This feels nice as well.

An excellent head and neck massage is a great follow-up!

Just behind and below the ears you can feel the lower edge of the skull. There is a large band of neck muscles that meet the cranium here. Stroke these muscles smoothly.

With your partner lying on their back put your hands underneath their shoulders and lift up. As you move your hands up and over the shoulders your partner’s weight will massage the muscles thoroughly.

Then move your hands to the temples.  Buddhists believe that the center of the forehead (sometimes called the third eye) is the center of the soul. Your partner might begin to believe this as your stroke their skin firmly with your thumbs.

You can then try the forehead press.  The trick here is to apply pressure slowly.  This stroke can be used to cure headaches or just to relax.

Gently place one hand on the forehead. Place the other hand upon this one. Slowly add pressure while maintaining even force upon the forehead. You can exert a fair amount of force (your partner will let you know if it is too much). Hold the pressure for a silent count of 10 seconds.

Then it’s time for the cheeks.  Place your hands flat along your partners face. Move your hands in circles. Although this move results in some pretty goofy poses it is quite relaxing. A good massage relaxes muscles that people aren’t even aware they have.

When you use your arms and hands as much as I do (I’m a writer, after all!), a good arm and hand massage can be absolute heaven!

Massaging the arms is enjoyable for both partners. For the receiver it relaxing and enjoyable; for the giver is satisfyingly easy and effective.

Begin by placing your partners hand alongside your chest. This relieves your partner from holding their arm in the air. Knead the muscles of your partner’s arms using both hands. Using your thumbs to knead the muscles of the arms is best.

When you roll the arms in a massage, it will stimulate the muscle in a different direction.  Place your hands on either side of your partners arm. Keep your hands flat. Moving your hands in opposite directions has an effect similar to rolling dough into a long strand. This back and forth motion stimulates the muscle of your partners arm.

Remember to be rhythmic and predictable when you do this maneuver so that your partner can relax.

Then you can move on to a snaking of the arms.  This is a truly fantastic yet unusual stroke in the art of massage!

Hold your partner’s arm up with one hand. With the other hand start at the shoulder and grip the muscle tissue between your thumb and four fingers. Quickly grip and release the muscles while sliding your hand up toward the wrist. This pulsing effect is quite enjoyable.  Complete this movement 7-10 times.

You can wind up a great massage session with a hand massage.  I can speak from experience, here, even though the foot massage is awesome, a hand massage can almost make you see nirvana!

Use a massage oil or a simple olive oil from your kitchen.  Start by pouring about half a teaspoon of oil onto the palm of your hand, and then rub the oil over both your palms.


Gently spread the oil around your partner’s hand using light stroking movements.  Move your thumbs away from each other, from the centre of the hand towards the outsides.  Do this several times


Now move your thumbs between the tendons of the back of the hand, pushing up towards the wrist.  You also can try small circular movements between the tendons if you like.  Do this several times as well.


Take each finger in turn between your own finger and thumb.  Make small twisting or circular movements up and down each finger, finishing with their thumb.



Move your thumbs away from each other, from the centre of the palm.  Press more firmly with your own thumbs.  Make small circular movements with your thumbs all over their palm


Finish the massage by holding the persons hand with one hand, and sliding your other hand up their arm. You can do this a few times.


Now do the same on their other hand!


Massaging your partner isn’t just therapeutic for them – it’s therapeutic for you as a couple!  It can be erotic if you want it to be, it can be simply a way for you to connect as a couple, or it can introduce a whole new intimacy into your relationship that you never thought could be there.


Don’t expect too much, but remember that massage is an excellent way to connect with your partner and re-kindle not only romantic feelings, but feelings of oneness as well.  When you work together as a team in this relationship, you should treat each other to the perks of being part of a couple as well!



Every marriage needs a healthy dose of on-going romance to add spice, delight, and fun to the relationship. It’s not enough to just start out with a sizzling romance. You have to find a way to keep the romance alive as the months and years accumulate.

One of the marital challenges many couples face is how to live together without losing that special romantic spark. It’s all-too-easy to lose the role of lover along the way.

When this happens, spouses often start relating to each other as they would to a friend or a sibling. Parents can begin to feel they are only “business partners” joined together to raise their children and keep the household running.

There are certain things in every relationship that should remain sacred.  You must trust each other, you must nurture each other, and you must show each other that you care about what the other person feels.


If there is a conflict, disagreement or challenge that comes up, resolve that you will talk to each other instead of venting your frustrations with a friend or co-worker. This should be a sacred agreement with each other.

This means telling the other person what you are thinking as soon as you have sorted it out yourselves. Don’t feel like you have to hide or sugar-coat the truth about a situation or unload on a friend how you are truly feeling without first telling each other.

This doesn’t mean you should never talk to friends and other family members about your thoughts or what’s happening in our lives. Actually, it’s quite the contrary.

What is important is that you agree to tell each other first, things that are personal and feelings that come up about the other person.

If you find that you have been complaining to other people about your partner or someone close to you and you are not telling your partner how you are feeling, stop.

By talking to others first about your issues instead of the person involved, you will continue to erode the safety and trust in your relationship. By talking to others about your issues instead of the person your conflict is with, you could be playing the role of the victim or martyr.

Believe it or not, you may actually be enjoying the sympathy and attention from other people that you are getting from complaining about the situation with your partner.

If you want to build trust and create a close, connected relationship, this kind of behavior has to stop.  Choosing to let your partner know where you stand and what is going on inside you is not only a way to build trust but also a way to deepen your connection as well.

When men and women enter into a relationship, what they are really looking for is a best friend; some one they know will love them no matter what. Deep inside of you there are powers that if discovered and used would allow you to achieve all that you ever dreamed or imagined you could become.

If only relationships could be as exciting and romantic as they were when you first met. You know, all that intensity, enthusiasm, excitement and, of course, sex. I’m sure you’ve felt it: hating being apart, even for a short time; being unable to concentrate on anything else for very long; and waiting to be together again.

When you are together, you hang onto every word, marvel at every part of your lover’s body, and feel so wonderful, you smile all the time.

Does this all have to end? Are relationships doomed to predictable and boring routines of shopping, preparing meals, doing the dishes, laundry, watching T.V., talking about work, taking care of the kids, fighting, and sleeping? Definitely not!

In fact, long term lovers can become even more enchanted with each other, since their passion grows from a deeper knowledge and fondness for each other. But time alone does not help a relationship to flourish-it requires a willingness to take risks, and special, persistent attention.

The fact is, all marriages get bogged down with dull duties and routine responsibilities. Day after day, we get up in the morning, go about our business, and retire to sleep at night — and usually fail to recognize our marriage’s desperate need for attention.

We need romance. We need to snuggle in front of a roaring fire, linger over a delicious meal, and take time to find out what’s going on in our partner’s life. We need to hear these miraculous words whispered over and over: “I love you — and I will for as long as I live.” If you’re ready to fortify your love life, begin with this romance-rejuvenation program:

There is every reason to expect that your romance rating can soar to new heights. An extra dose of ardor and affection can heal a hundred hurts and spark new hope for two worn-out lovers. Reviving romance puts you back in touch with each other’s best qualities — and reminds you why you fell in love in the first place.


Take each other to new places in your relationship.  Use these suggestions to make your marriage better than you ever thought it could ever be!


It might seem foreign and odd at first, but give it a chance!  We’re willing to bet that you will find out that there is a way to bring back that feeling you had when you were newlyweds!


Remember back to your wedding day, and feel that way again – every day of your lives together as man and wife!























Finding Confidence In Divorce

Divorce and Confidence Emails



Email 1


Subject: Finding a new hobby to build confidence


Dear [Name],


Finding a hobby or new activities to enjoy after a divorce is a wonderful way to take your mind off your situation and put more energy into other things. It’s also helpful to put yourself in new social situations and environments to meet new people which can help boost your confidence. Even if you are one of those people who consider your job to be fulfilling all your needs, having a hobby aside from that can really help you destress and unwind.


Most of the time, hobbies are meant to be highly entertaining and engaging activities. This moves your thoughts away from tension and negative personal issues, while giving you positive feelings.


Finding the right hobby can help increase your confidence, improve your creativity, and enhance your overall wellbeing. It gives you something to look forward to outside of your everyday work and provides a great outlet to blow some steam off. Use the list of activities below to consider giving yourself a new boost of confidence.


  • Learn Something New: Learning new things is always a fun way to expand your skillset and occupy your time doing something useful. Whether this is taking a new cooking class or deciding to learn a new language, taking on new challenges will stimulate your mind in a positive way and you will feel good about yourself once it’s accomplished.


  • Meditation: Learning how to meditate and incorporating it into your daily routine can help you channel inner peace and experience more joy.


  • Volunteer: Is there an organization that you have always wanted to help or program that you’ve been wanting to contribute to? If so, now is the perfect time to reach out and donate your time to helping. Volunteering can help you boost your confidence because you will feel valued by giving energy in a space that needs your help.


  • Getting Active: Getting active is a great hobby to start enjoying for several reasons. It is not uncommon for people to tend to gain weight and stop taking care of themselves during a divorce. Some days you may not feel as if you can even make it out of the bed, let alone the gym. But getting active and attempting to stay fit can do wonders for your confidence because you will love the results that you see and the health benefits you get from working out. It is also a great way to channel and release any negative energy you may harbor stemming from the divorce.


No matter what you pick as your hobby, make sure it is something that you genuinely enjoy doing. It may take some time to try out different hobbies to figure out what works for you and what doesn’t, and that is okay. Find a hobby that will challenge you to step out of your comfort zone and really keep you engaged.


In our next email, we’ll give some tips on how to reach out to friends that you and your ex shared before (and possibly after) the divorce.



Email 2


Subject: How to reach out to old friends after divorce


Dear [Name],


Reaching out to friends that you and your ex-spouse shared during or after the divorce may seem like an awkward and uncomfortable thing to do. Depending on how close you and your ex were, it is highly likely that you both shared the same friends, even befriended other couples who you both were acquainted with.


It can seem tricky to navigate because you may not know what to say or you may not be ready to have those friends ask questions about the nature of your divorce. The key to reacquainting yourself with these old friends is to only do it when you are ready and willing to put yourself out there.


Tips for Reaching Out to Your Friends


Of course, your divorce is truly no one’s business but yours and your ex-spouse’s, but it would be irrational to think that old friends won’t have questions – especially if they are used to hanging out with both of you at the same time. These people may have been really rooting for you both at one time and now they are confused as to what happened and why. Here are some tips to try to navigate this sticky situation.


Don’t make your friends choose. If your friends are equally as close with your ex as they are with you and you are comfortable with it, let them know that they don’t have to choose sides and it is okay to remain friends with both of you. If you find that over time your friends are being more one-sided or showing your ex-spouse more loyalty or confidentiality than they are you, there are appropriate ways to handle this before cutting them off.


Realize that this is awkward for them too and don’t drag them through this process with you. Avoid bad-mouthing your ex around your shared group of friends and don’t mention anything about them that you wouldn’t want to be mentioned about you.


Establishing clear boundaries about what you want and do not want to discuss when you are around them simply means being firm in how you want to be handled during this process. If you are invited over by a mutual friend and you are comfortable telling them a few details but they dig too deep, let them know that they may be overstepping and you don’t wish to continue the conversation past the details that you already gave them.


When to Back Off


If you find that your shared group of friends are making it really difficult to move past your divorce, you may want to take a step back. If they aren’t embracing the renewed version of yourself that is independent of your spouse, you may need to consider making new friends.


Although it sounds harsh to say, these people can become toxic and you may be better off establishing friendships with people who understand you on an individual level, away from your spouse.


What if your divorce ends up costing you your job? We’ll look at this difficult area in the next email.



Email 3


Subject:  Starting afresh with a new job, when you lost yours due to divorce


Dear [Name],


Losing your job is devastating by itself, but losing your job during a divorce can feel like an earth-shattering experience. This is especially true if you are made to pay child support or spousal support under a court order. This could really drain your pockets and add stress to an already stressful situation. However, this is not an uncommon experience and there have been many divorcees who have gone through the same thing.


There are many reasons why you may have lost your job. Maybe you made a mistake and got fired, or maybe you are choosing to relocate because of the divorce, and you need to find a new job. Maybe showing up for work each day took a lot out of you during your divorce and you simply had no willpower to continue to show up during such a stressful time.


Tips on How to Start Afresh


Whatever your reasons for losing your old job during the divorce, here is some advice on how to start afresh with a new one.


Try to reach out to colleagues who have been in your corner before and ask them if they have any job openings at their workplace. Browsing through jobs on job boards will only take you so far. As the old saying goes, “it’s not what you know but who you know”.


Consider filing for unemployment. Unemployment insurance is typically available to people who have been let go or fired. Contact your state’s Unemployment Insurance Office to find out if you meet their eligibility requirements.


Spousal support payments may not necessarily be stopped or reduced. It is important to consider this and know the legal implications of not having a job if you are ordered to pay spousal support. If you left your job simply to avoid paying child support, the court can still enforce it. Contact your attorney to seek help and understand the options you have while you are out of work.


If you are having a really hard time finding something that suits you, see if you can rely on family to help you financially during this time.


It is important to stay diligent and proactive about your job search. Be optimistic and use all the resources you have available to you. Go to networking events if you can find them and join professional groups in your industry that can help you find the right fit.


Lastly, don’t be too proud to ask for help if you need it.


Another potential upheaval after divorce is moving house. We’ll look at the pros and cons of this in the next email.



Email 4


Subject:  Moving after divorce – the pros and cons


Dear [Name],


Starting over and moving house after a divorce can be a huge task to accomplish. Not only might you be still mourning the loss of your relationship, but having to actually box up your life and possibly move from a place you called home for so long is no easy feat.


Having said that, if you are looking forward to moving after a divorce it could feel enjoyable and liberating. Getting a fresh start is easier in a brand-new environment where you aren’t attached to memories to hold on to. Let’s look at some of the pros and cons of moving after a divorce.




  • You get a fresh start and you don’t have to worry about being in a potentially negative environment or under the same roof as your ex. Often, after a messy divorce, a fresh start is essentially what you need to start feeling like yourself again.


  • You get to be independent again. If this is something that you felt was lost in your marriage, moving out into a new environment can do wonders for your freedom and identity. Take the opportunity to decorate the new place how you’ve always wanted, free of your ex-spouse’s input.




  • Expenses: The costs of packing and hiring help for movers can get pretty expensive depending on the size of the move. Keep this in consideration when you are planning your move.


  • Downsizing: If you shared a larger home with your spouse before, chances are you will be downsizing when you move, and you will have less space for yourself. This could be a possible con if you don’t have enough room to store everything you are taking with you.


  • Location: The location to which you are moving to could be a potential con. If you established roots in a certain neighborhood that was an easy commute for work and now you have a longer commute, this can be frustrating.


  • Kids: If you have kids, moving can be twice as hard because depending on your custody agreement you may have to stay relatively close to where you used to live so that your spouse can visit the children or vice versa.


Overall, having the right resources to make your move as clean and efficient as possible can help you transition smoothly.


If you have young kids, divorce can be especially tricky. In the next email, we’ll give some tips on how to cope.



Email 5


Subject: Tips for divorcees with young kids


Dear [Name],


Divorcing while you have young kids with your significant other can be a very tricky task. It can be hard to try to even explain what is happening to your children because they probably don’t understand the concept of their parents splitting, especially if they are younger than five years old.


According to child psychiatrist Dr. Scott Carroll, MD, divorcing when a child is an infant is less likely to have significant impacts of trauma compared to having kids who may be a little older. Explanations can mean nothing to children under the age of 18 months.  Additionally, older kids up to age eight may not fully understand the details of what is going on even if they can interpret the feelings (negative or positive) of their parents.


Tips on How to Act with Your Kids


As parents, you will try your best to find the right words to explain separation and divorce in a way that will give your children comfort and relief. Consider these things when explaining your divorce to your younger children.


Don’t use your children as a pawn. Unfortunately, this is quite common during divorces that are dramatic and uncordial. Doing this can severely traumatize children and it’s just bad parenting.


Do it together. Taking the time to sit with your soon-to-be ex-spouse and mapping out a plan for explaining your divorce can be the key to your children understanding and accepting what is going on. If you have displayed fits of anger or resentment towards your significant other while the child(ren) was present, it’s important to take the time to carefully explain that and be honest with them.


Don’t place blame or air out the nasty details of what may have been happening behind closed doors to young children. Explain that you both love them equally and detail a plan about how the children will be spending their time with each parent.


Don’t be discouraged if your children are not readily receptive to what is going on. It is fair that your kids will have some ill feelings about what is going on and resist the fact that you are divorcing. Don’t fight with your children on their feelings, and allow them to process what is happening.


Prepare for behavioral changes. It is common for kids to exhibit significant changes in their behavior during a divorce. Kids may act out at school or daycare or even lash out at home. If you are not prepared to deal with this alone, it is wise to bring in a licensed psychologist or therapist to help guide you through this process.


Remember that every child is different, and this is especially true if you have multiple children with your ex-spouse. Some children will be nonchalant about the ordeal while others may harbor feelings of resentment or anger for a few years.


How then should you deal with a divorce if you have adult children? We’ll look at that in the next email.



Email 6


Subject: Tips for divorcees with adult children


Dear [Name],


Divorcing when you have older children can seem like you are failing them because they likely grew up with both of you and don’t understand why if everything seemed to be good between you two. Your adult children have seen you through your ups and your downs and this could be a huge unexpected loss to them. We expect younger children to be upset and angry when they are dealing with such a traumatic event, but this same consideration is not always extended to adult children.


Dealing with Adult Children


Be honest with them and only tell as much of the truth that you need to for them to understand why you are divorcing.


They still need your support. No matter how close you and your adult children might be, don’t treat them as if they are another one of your friends during this time. Don’t drag your kids through the divorce with you.


Relying on your kids for emotional or financial support is something some parents decide to do but this could have damaging consequences. Some parents find that they want to vent to their children to cope with their feelings, but as hard as it is, you have to stay neutral for your children.


Expect your adult children to protect their mental wellbeing. Sometimes news of the divorce and having to adjust to what is going on is too much for adult children to bear. Respect their boundaries if they do not want to talk about it and bear the burden that is your divorce.


Realize that your divorce may skew their perception of the world around them. This is especially true if your marriage was a beacon for your children and they grew up wanting to have a love that they thought their parents had. Be gentle with them and don’t discourage them from getting married themselves.


Finally, if you find yourself having a tough time dealing with your adult children during your divorce, seek counseling to help smooth things over. Having a neutral third party can help make this experience more understandable to them.


Divorce when you are older brings its own problems. Next time, we’ll give some tips on how to deal with the situation.



Email 7


Subject: Tips for older divorcees


Dear [Name],


The social stigmas surrounding divorce are hard enough, but being a divorcee later on in life has its own set of challenges. According to a 2017 study conducted by the Pew Research Center, divorce rates for people in their 50s have doubled since 1990.


It is widely thought that divorcing at an older age may be easier because people have built a lifelong partnership and as a result, they will be more amicable. However, at the end of the day older divorcees are still susceptible to the pains of divorce that younger people experience.


Why Older People Divorce


There are many reasons why people choose to divorce later in life. It is natural as we age and progress in life to have different wants and needs from our partners that we may have had when we were younger.


Some common reasons people choose to divorce later in life are that they have grown apart in several ways. Some couples may have been thinking about divorce for a while but chose to stick it through until their kids became adults.


Some people have a mid-life crisis and realize that they want some new freedom and fear being stuck with someone at an older age. Others may want to start exploring things that their partners simply never cared for.


Whatever the reason may be, it is important to not feel ashamed about divorcing later in life and not let social stigmas dictate your decisions.


Many people assume that you can’t find love again after a certain age. They end up assuming that they are “damaged goods” and that their love has an expiration date on it, but this is simply not true.


In modern times, people are getting back on to the dating scene as if they never left – even in older age. There are even dating apps and websites that specifically cater to those wanting a new love life during their midlife.


Tips for the Older Divorcee


Here are some tips to help you make this new transition:


Embrace the situation wholeheartedly. If you know that you are unhappy in your marriage and you want out, don’t let anyone make you feel guilty about your feelings. You are the only person who has to live with what you feel, and it is quite possible to live a happy life apart from your spouse – even after a long marriage.


This time in your life can feel very liberating. Think about it: your kids are gone and, most likely, out of your house; you’ve lived a long life and have probably had great experiences, and you have established yourself financially. You may simply be unhappy in your love life and want the freedom to do things you’ve always dreamt of doing.


Make sure that your retirement plan is not in jeopardy because of your divorce. Over the years, couples will expectedly have intertwined finances and assets that you will have to separate during the divorce.


Since divorcing at an older age means that you are closer to retirement, you don’t want to stress your finances if you can’t really afford to live alone. It is wise to revisit your retirement plan to make sure that you can still cover expenses such as healthcare and the possibility of long-term retirement.


Remember that moving on is the end goal. Whether you choose to get back into dating later in life after a divorce or you are confident that you want to be alone, make the best decision that aligns with your lifestyle and how you want to live.


If you are truly confident that you want a divorce at an older age, express this to your partner and work with them to create a plan for your divorce.


A divorce can leave you with less money than before. In our next email, we’ll give some coping tips for people who are in this situation.



Email 8


Subject: Tips for coping when you have less money than before


Dear [Name],


Sadly, dealing with money issues after a divorce can be daunting while you are trying to repair your life. For many, coming out of a two-income household can wreak havoc on your finances, and you may feel as though you can’t afford much without the other person.


Divorce may have a profound effect on your finances and leave you struggling financially. It’s important to be as proactive as you can and equally important to realize that money is just a resource and means to an end. It doesn’t mean you are any less than because you have less of it.


Tips for Coping with Less Money Than Before


Here are some tips on how to deal with your financial affairs after a divorce.


You’re going to have to make a budget that suits your new financial situation. You should readily expect and accept that your income is going to change significantly after a divorce. If you are trying to hold on to old spending habits that you had while with your ex-spouse, this might quickly lead to a financial disaster.


Figure out how much money you will have to spend in the post-divorce period and allocate the money to the necessary expenses. If you know that you don’t have enough to maintain your spending habits and your standard of living, you’ll need to make some hard changes.


Consider cutting back on expenses. Speaking with a financial expert to help your sort through your finances and create a solid budget could be the best option for you.


Make a budget that addresses everything, including any debt you have. It is no surprise that the divorce process can be financially taxing because you have to pay legal bills to attorneys and the courts. This can leave your finances strained and put you in a bad position. Whether you have to make a payment plan or charge the debt to a loan or credit card, it is best to address this sooner rather than later.


Figure out your credit score and address any revolving credit card debt. If you and your ex-spouse have been together for some time, it is very likely that you have open debt that is shared in both of your names. If you didn’t work with an attorney to figure out who is going to bear the debt burden of certain things, try to make a plan for all of this before your divorce is final.


You may have to pick up a second job to make ends meet. Some people may find this embarrassing or hard to do but the reality is that this is a part of life. If you find yourself earning less than you did before, you will have to make up for that income.


Look for ways to earn more income by picking up a side gig such as Uber, food delivery, or finding remote work online. It may be tempting to try to earn another degree to make yourself more employable, especially if your spouse was the breadwinner, but consider alternative ways to get a new job so that you don’t add more debt to your finances.


Take a look at your credit score. If you have never put any credit in your name and everything was always in your spouse’s name, you may have to start small to build a credit profile for yourself so that you can have more freedom in your finances.


Consider working with a credit expert who can make recommendations and help you create a plan to boost your credit score. Fortunately, credit companies are making it easier to build your credit history by adding common utilities as lines of credit. One of the three largest credit bureaus, Experian, has added a new program  called Experian Boost that allows you to take advantage of this.


It may seem difficult to restore your financial life after a marriage ends, but it can be done. Just create a plan to address your finances and eventually things will get better. If you are struggling financially and you feel like you aren’t making strides, don’t be ashamed to ask for help from close family or friends who may be able to assist you.  Over time, you’ll be in a much better place with your finances.


What about if you want to start dating again? In our next email, we give some tips on re-entering the dating scene.



Email 9


Subjects: Tips for re-entering the dating scene


Dear [Name],


Re-entering the dating scene can seem very daunting for some people and there are several factors that can contribute to this. The nature in which your divorce happened, why it happened, and the type of relationship you had with your ex all play a huge psychological factor in how you will approach dating moving forward. If you have kids with your ex-spouse, this can make dating even trickier as some people may want to count you out, or your ex may harbor negative feelings against your new potential partner.


Re-Entering the Dating Scene


The good news is that if you have allowed yourself enough time to properly heal and you are truly done with your divorce, starting to date again can be fun and exciting. Once you are completely healed and ready to test the waters again, use these tips to help you navigate.


Wait until your marriage is truly over and done with before stepping back into the dating scene. Not only can it be beneficial to your overall mental health, but trying to move on too soon can lead to unexpected consequences such as inflicting trauma onto unwilling participants to your drama.


It is important to really reflect on your past habits in relationships and establish what you want and don’t want in a potential new partner. Is there something that you feel you may have been missing in your previous relationship that you know you want for sure in your next one? What do you consider to be dealbreakers in your next potential partner?


While it’s fair to outline your needs, remember not to compare the new people in your life to your previous partner. It may be helpful to write all of these things out and keep them in mind when you are accepting potential dates.


It may seem obvious to some, but others may overlook the fact that the people you are dating will ask about your divorce and why it happened at some point.


People naturally want to know for several reasons. They will want to make sure that they don’t possess negative traits that you didn’t like in your previous partner, and they will want to know if you have truly moved on from your past relationship. This is only fair to them so that they can make the best decision about dating you as well.


If you find that while dating, you’re constantly bad-mouthing your ex or you are still holding grudges, it may be time to take a step back and re-evaluate if you have truly matured from the situation.


Consider the reason that you think you are ready to get back into dating. Is there someone who truly caught your eye that you are interested in, or have you just been feeling lonely as of late and you are looking for companionship? Being able to date properly involves being open and vulnerable. If you are not ready to handle this, certain dates can trigger unexpected emotional responses from you when you thought you were past certain pain points.  Allow space for your feelings to adjust and expect that you may have hiccups along the way.


Overall, dating again requires you to put yourself out there and open up to new possibilities. Trust in yourself to make the right decisions while dating and be wary of any red flags that may concern you.


If you find over time that you are ready to commit to someone again, make sure you take things low and don’t repeat mistakes you may have made in your previous partnership. Remember that the goal is to move on and that having love again is very possible.


In our last email, we’ll look at how to create a new image for yourself, post-divorce.



Email 10


Subject: Creating a new image for yourself


Dear [Name],


Most people aren’t thinking about their appearance during a divorce and they tend to neglect it. However, post-divorce can be the perfect time to switch up your image and find a new look for yourself. It can also help give you a great boost of confidence if that’s something that you were lacking prior to the divorce.


How to Create a New Image


Designing your new look can feel empowering. It can give you a creative outlet to really express yourself how you want the world to see you. Follow these tips below for defining your new image in your post-divorce life.


Starting with a mood board can help you map out your new look and put together the details of how it will all come together. Is your current sense of style shy and coy? Or maybe you were already wearing a more edgy appearance and want to refine it by adding a touch of sophistication? You can use online boards such as Pinterest to begin your planning.


Only choose clothes that represent how you want to feel about yourself. Stepping out of your comfort zone can be a good thing in moderation. If something feels too risqué, it’s not going to really help you gain confidence if you are uncomfortable. Don’t feel inclined to do something that isn’t really you – rather “improve upon” the image that you already have. Select styles that complement who you are as a person.


Dig through what you have first before going shopping. There is a good chance you already have some snazzy pieces that you can pair with new garments to create your look.


Think about your health in addition to your physical appearance. Sometimes creating a new image can mean starting a diet or hitting the gym a little more to tone up. If you are genuinely wanting to revamp yourself, don’t shy away from the hard work of getting your body into shape.


Make it a party if you wish and invite friends over whose opinions you trust. Planning out your look can be fun and exciting, especially if you invite some friends over to help you with this task. They can give you great feedback and help you curate ideas you may not have thought of alone.


If a fresh look is what you are really after, embrace this time in your life to give yourself a makeover. It will do wonders for your confidence and self-esteem. Your post-divorce life is like a fresh start and a new beginning, so give yourself an updated look to pair with it. You deserve to look and feel your best every day!



Building Confidence When Facing Divorce

Divorce Affects Confidence – Even If You Are the Person Leaving

 One of the most difficult parts of moving on after a divorce is to figure out who you are without the other person. This feeling of uncertainty is natural because no matter the length of time of your marriage, a piece of your life and personality was conditioned to be a certain way with that person.


Divorce has its challenges and keeping your confidence intact during this process is certainly one of them. You are learning to be single again, and adapting to life without your partner can shatter your self-esteem. For this and other reasons, even if you are the person initiating a divorce and leaving the other person, your confidence could be affected.


Divorce makes us question and wonder who we are. We have to take a good hard look at our lives and what positions we play in life. This is especially true if you were the type of spouse who deeply rooted your identity in your marriage and took a great deal of pride in it. Some people are dependent on this identity and pride themselves on being a spouse.


It’s perfectly natural to be co-dependent, especially in a marriage. Unfortunately, too much co-dependency could make it harder to let go during a divorce.


Divorce can also shatter confidence because of the manner in which the divorce is being carried out. Depending on the circumstances, it may not be so easy to let go. If the divorce wasn’t a mutual or amicable decision, this could lead to one person holding on more than the other and subsequently feeling low in confidence.


While you will grieve the loss of the future that you once hoped for, stay encouraged that things will eventually get better. It is important to remind yourself that you still have a life and a future outside of divorce. It doesn’t have to become your identity and drain you of your confidence. Be reassured by the fact that fresh hopes and dreams will eventually replace your old ones.


Ways to Keep Your Confidence Intact during Divorce


Caring about yourself, your health, and your mental well-being is a major step towards finding your confidence again. At the end of the day, give yourself some time to focus on you. If you have children, it is especially important for you to have your confidence intact and hold your head high for them.


If you need room or space to breathe, ask family members or relatives to come babysit them or host them a few weekends out of the month as you try to process the changes stemming from divorce.


Throw yourself into a project if you have the capacity for it. Finding other things to focus on is a guaranteed way to put yourself in a better mental space instantly. Whether that is volunteering your time or learning a new trade, one of the best ways to keep your confidence intact is to invest your time not worrying about the divorce.


Understand that you are now free and independent of anything that has happened in your past. Rebuilding confidence after divorce requires you to embrace your new way of life and have the trust in yourself that you will survive the divorce. It will take work to rebuild yourself, but you are worth it and you owe it to yourself.


Reinvent yourself. Now is the chance and opportunity for you to start doing all of the things you may have wish you could have done with your previous partner but never took the chance to do. It’s the perfect space and opportunity to live your life re-imagined. This is a growing experience. Use this time to empower yourself.


All in all, confidence building requires a lot of work, especially during and after a divorce. With the right tools in place and the right support system, you will pull through this with your self-esteem and confidence intact. Don’t think it’s too hard to get through; you can make it if you allow yourself the space to do so.


The Five Stages of Grief


It’s not a secret that divorces can be incredibly painful, not just for the couple splitting up but also for family and friends who are around you. Divorce marks the demise of a marriage and all hopes and dreams that have come into it. Like coping with the death of a close relative or a loved one, it’s basically reconciling the fact that what was once so precious and near to your heart no longer exists.


It is natural to experience bouts of grief as you start to process your divorce and let go of the ideals you held for your marriage. For this reason, it is wise to handle grieving over a divorce in a similar manner to other types of grief. According to expert psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, there are five stages of grief that give us hope that things do in fact get better and back on track over time.


  1. Denial


The first stage for someone still completely committed to the marriage can be denial. Sometimes circumstances surrounding the divorce can be shocking and downright unexpected. If you are like others who could feel an impending divorce coming, your grief may not start here, but instead appear later down the line.





  1. Anger


Moving on to the next stage is anger. It is completely normal for there to be anger between you and your soon-to-be ex-spouse. You may feel anxious and upset, especially if you thought things were secure and stable in your marriage.


Divorce is a an extremely emotionally taxing process and it takes so much mental labor to endure it. There can be a lot of pain and fear of the unknown and how you will move on in life. Some of the first things people who are divorcing become frantic about are their kids, their social status, or their finances and assets.


You will, most likely, have a lot of questions that you can’t answer by yourself. This can trigger you to become resentful about the entire situation, but with time you don’t have to be. Seeing a specialist to help guide you through this process can be very beneficial, whether you are the person initiating the divorce or the person on the opposite end.


  1. Bargaining


The next stage for most is bargaining. During this stage, many people who are not ready to accept the divorce become scared of what their life looks like without the other person. However, it is important to understand that no matter how much you want it to work, if the other person has thrown in the towel, you have to muster up the confidence to stand on your own and agree to walk away.


While bargaining may be okay before the two of you settle on a divorce, it can be a tiring and toxic situation to be in once you’ve committed to divorcing.


  1. Guilt


Guilt usually follows the bargaining stage. We may look at ourselves and wonder how we let this situation happen, or try to find a million reasons or scenarios for how we could have stopped it.


If the divorce is in fact your fault because of an infidelity or another negative reason, it is important to own up to your part of any actual mistakes you may have made. However, it is also important to not let someone blame things on you or get you to take responsibility for things that were entirely out of your control.


The guilt stage can be especially hard for those with children, but it’s essential to maintain your confidence and hold your head high during this time. With this stage comes feelings of sadness and depression which is very normal, but you have to work through it.



  1. Acceptance


The last stage is acceptance. Once you truly accept the situation for what it is in its entirety, you start to feel relief and regain your confidence in yourself. It’s not about refusing to let someone you love go. It’s a matter of loosening ties that are no longer healthy for you and bring painful memories.


It’s about sorrow and empowerment, allowing your innate strength and resilience to help you grow into who you were made to be. This doesn’t mean that you don’t still have some ill feelings towards the other person, but it does mean that you have recognized things for what they are and moved on.


Recognizing these stages of your divorce will make the most sense in hindsight. However, they are still helpful to identify during the divorce, so you have a sense that your process is normal; these are steps that most people go through during a divorce experience.


Staying Confident and Maintaining Your Self-Esteem during Arguments


One of the most crucial times that it is important to maintain your self-esteem and confidence is during an argument with your soon-to-be ex-spouse. Arguments can become dirty and ugly. You or the other person can start to unravel and say hurtful things that you have been feeling or harboring in your mind.


To maintain your self-esteem and confidence, here are some things to remember and hold on to during any argument.


  • Know the other person’s fighting style. If you know that your soon-to-be ex-partner is inclined to throw low blows or hit below the belt to get their points across, protect yourself and ask them not to do that. Stand up for yourself and don’t allow yourself to be bullied or talked down upon during an argument.


  • Put everything into context. Don’t internalize things about yourself that you know aren’t true. It is important to have a real connection with yourself and to not let anyone project negative feelings on to you. Don’t devalue yourself.


  • Try not to attack the other person with mean or hateful words, even if that is how you are feeling in the moment. Chances are they will retaliate and try to be equally as harmful.


  • Know when to step away and when to resume. Knowing when to step away can help you stay in control of yourself and keep your cool during an agreement. If you know that you are prone to shut down, do yourself a favor and remove yourself from the situation until you can gain composure.


  • Try not to be passive-aggressive during an argument. Doing this blurs the lines of communicating the points you want to come across, and it also places your true feelings on the back burner. When you communicate directly and tackle a subject head-on, you come across as confident and clear.


Overall, keeping your self-esteem and confidence intact during an argument requires you to be compassionate and gentle with yourself, while also being firm in whatever it is that you are arguing about. Having good self-esteem also requires that you respect yourself and your morals enough that you won’t let what someone says about them change them.


Don’t let your partner’s criticisms of you make you feel like you are “less than.” Love yourself enough to know when things are not worth arguing about any further.


Staying Confident When Your Spouse Is Leaving You for Someone Else


Although it is heartbreaking to think about, divorce can bring marriages to an end for several reasons. What’s particularly unfortunate is finding out that your spouse might be leaving you to go be with someone else.


Whether they decide to leave with someone they had an affair with or someone that was kept a secret for a while, it can be a shattering blow to your confidence to make this discovery. It can feel like you are being abandoned and helpless because you are blindsided or surprised by the situation.


It’s perfectly normal to feel this way because you have invested so much of yourself into a relationship just to see the other person walk away, and with someone else at that.

You were lied to and your trust was broken.


It may seem impossible but there are ways to cope and get through this. You have the strength to keep your self-esteem intact to push through this and get to the other side.


How to Remain Confident


There are some important things to remember if you find yourself in this situation. Consider the points below to pull yourself up and out of a rut if you find yourself having a battle with your confidence during this time.


Understand that the person leaving isn’t a reflection of you or your worth. It may sound cliché, but it is very true that it doesn’t matter how amazing, great-looking, or rich some people are; people who are committed to leaving their partner for another are headstrong about it.


Don’t ask to meet with the person your spouse is leaving you for and certainly don’t ask about details about how long they have been seeing each other. Once you both finally commit to the divorce, you have to recognize that no matter how their relationship happened, nothing is going to ease the pain of knowing they are moving on with someone else so quickly. Embrace the situation for what it is and try your best to let go of wanting to know all the details.


Don’t tell yourself that you weren’t “good enough” because that is a lie. It’s never your fault and you need to remind yourself of this daily. Even though it can feel like an immediate attack on your self-worth, your spouse leaving for another person has nothing to do with your value.


It is important to not compare yourself to the person your spouse is leaving you for. If you find yourself doing this, find ways to stop it immediately. Write down a list of things that you like and love about yourself and pull it out any time you feel your mind start to wander to comparison.


Eventually, you will have to forgive the other person for leaving. It is a part of the healing process and you can’t really avoid it. Don’t bear the anger, suffering, and agony of an angry person around you. You can’t let their decision determine how you spend the rest of your life. Don’t let their mistakes suck the happiness, passion, and spirit out of your life.


Your marriage may have been the biggest priority in your life and your sole focus. It’s not just about being sad that your partner is leaving you for someone else or that you are losing them. You may simply be sad that you are losing something that was so important to you and this is a very valid feeling.


If you find that you are still struggling to reconcile with the fact that your spouse is leaving for someone else, it may be best to seek professional help. Counseling will help you make sense of everything and how to repair your identity and confidence after your divorce.


People to See and People to Avoid When Trying to Build Confidence


Surrounding yourself with friends and family who support and love you is important to remaining confident and optimistic during a divorce. During this time, it is essential to build a support system and avoid people who give you negative feelings or project their doubts on your divorce process. Focus on being with loving individuals to maintain your confidence during divorce.


Don’t let your confidence be dictated by someone else’s feelings in any area of your daily life. This is true no matter whether you are the person leaving or the person who is on the receiving end of the divorce.


People to See


The first group of people to see when trying to keep your confidence intact is people who genuinely know you for who you are, outside of being a spouse. Having people who understand how valid your feelings are and give you emotional support can be a great outlet for relief. This can be close family and friends who can help you keep your head held high during these times.


Seek people who believe in you and your ability to move on and rebuild your life without your partner. These people can help you move forward and take your mind off of being stuck.


People to Avoid


Avoid people who make you feel less than because you are going through a divorce. Many times, people who we thought were in our corner can take an “I told you so” or “I saw this coming” approach, which does not help the situation at all.


Making New Contacts


Develop new friendships and a new social network. This is especially important if you feel that your divorce has also caused you to lose your social network or acquaintances that you both have shared. Join a group that has similar interests as you. If you are a religious person, anchor yourself into the people who are at your religious institution (a church, a mosque, etc.).


A divorce can feel like a rebirth of yourself in so many ways. It’s about rediscovering yourself and figuring out what’s next on your journey. This is especially true if you were married for a long time or if you have kids together. Surround yourself with people who allow you to do just that in a judgement-free way.


Where to Get Professional Support


The great thing about divorce is that you are not alone. According to the CDC, approximately half of all marriages end in divorce. This simply means that there are people who have experienced all the same emotions and feelings that you have and can be a great resource to you. Here is where to find support during this time.






There are a great number of divorce attorneys in the United States that can help guide you through the divorce process to make things a little easier for you and your family.


Divorce is still a legal process. If you and your spouse can’t come to amicable agreements over how to split assets and finances, relying on a reputable divorce attorney will help make the process smoother.


Counseling or Therapy


Most people avoid seeking professional help in this field because they believe it makes them appear weak or broken – they think they can handle it all on their own. In fact, it is the exact opposite. Seeking a counseling professional when you are going through a divorce is going to help you regain your control and confidence in yourself. It is an anonymous source that you can open up to without thinking of the effects it will have on your social circumstances or your family.


Counseling or therapy can be especially beneficial for people who are having a harder time reconciling with their divorce. It’s perfectly normal to feel lost and confused during such a major change in your life. Divorce can affect everything, from how you handle your personal affairs to having people to rely on for things you once leaned on your spouse for. A counselor can give you a safe space to discuss your issues, fears and concerns. They can help you unpack the entire grieving process and provide emotional support for you along the way.


Join a Divorce Recovery Group


Joining a divorce recovery group could be a great relief to many people having a hard time processing their divorce. It is natural to want to talk to your friends and family about it but sometimes you can feel as if you are a burden.


Some family and friends may not be available all the time when you need them, and this is another reason why joining a divorce support group can be beneficial. It is another safe space where you can open up with people who are dealing with the exact same issues as you. The commonalities will bring you together and you can learn so much from other people who are going through this same thing but approaching it differently. These people will listen to you, hear your out, and be empathetic to your feelings.




Having the right tools in place during your divorce can make or break the amount of time you spend getting through it. Seeking professional help is always a good idea if you feel that you simply don’t have the support of the immediate people in your life. If you are having trouble finding a reputable professional, speak with people who have gone through a divorce before and ask them for references.

Think And Grow Rich

Chapter 1: Introduction

Develop That Winning Mentality TODAY!

Welcome to “Think and grow rich for Internet Entrepreneurs”! 

In this book, you will learn the essential factors that separate the boys from the men when it comes to Internet marketing.

It is astonishing to know that the majority of people online are not making money. Most of them are probably not even recovering a fraction of their investment!

Pardon me for being brutally honest here, but the majority of them fail is because they do NOT desire success badly enough! Most of them that DO succeed is because when they want something badly enough, they will find the means to obtain success no matter what!

In this book, we will talk about a few essential factors that will give anyone (even total newbies on the Internet) important principles that will turn you from a whimpering, small time site owner into a massive Internet juggernaut!

We will talk about:

  • The importance of having the right mindset as well as choosing the right vehicle
  • What the success blueprint is all about by choosing the right business models that work
  • The roadmap that you or anyone can use to achieve Internet marketing riches by applying this 4-step system
  • The many pitfalls that people do all the time

So without further ado, let’s get started and learn all about the winning mindset immediately!


Chapter 2: Mindset & Vehicle


Develop the winning Mindset 

Everything major plan or big business has a birth place – that is from the mind (the source where every action flows out from).

Before you jump into the Internet marketing scene, one of the first things that you must fine-tune is your mindset.

But what does it mean to develop the right mindset? Here are a few suggestions:

  • Making money online is NOT a get rich quick scheme. You don’t just ‘dump money’ into some marketing scheme hoping to get money in return.
  • You must invest time into your education. Depending on your aptitude, you don’t just read an E-book or two and expect to become an Internet marketing expert. After all, how long did it took you to get your university degree?
  • You must invest time for trial and error. No one gets it ‘right’ on the first try. You must be prepared for failures and mistakes. Learn from them and make sure you get up and fight again!
  • You must be prepared to put up with negative people. There are many in the world out there who do not believe that it is possible to make money online. When you put your plans into action, you will face resistance from your beer-drinking buddies, your family members or even your BOSS! If you don’t have the endurance, you will succumb to the pressure.
  • You must be prepared to go all the way. An Internet marketing business is just like any other business in the ‘offline’ world. If you are not prepared to go all the way, you will give up halfway because you have put in a half-hearted attitude into your business. Remember the golden rule: how badly do you want success? 

Choosing The Right Vehicle

Another thing that you must remember is that it is not enough to have the winning mindset alone. You must have the right vehicle to take you there.

For example: if you are wanted to get from one state in the U.S. to another, you will need to have the right vehicle to take you there. You can choose to ride a plane, drive a car or walk.

Of course it would be absurd to walk. But that is what people do in their Internet marketing business! They do not choose the best (or cost effective) vehicle to get them there!

They have the right mindset alright. And they are probably so fired up and positive that they don’t care how long it takes them to arrive at their destination.

It is also no different from natives who are all riled up about defending their homeland against invaders, but if they don’t have guns, their axes, spears and shields are not going to save them no matter how valiantly they fight (against the enemy’s gunpowder)!

Make no mistake about this. Taking too long to reach the destination is no different from failing. We must not delude ourselves into thinking that it takes time to build a business when we should be making money after a couple of months.

Some people spent years reading ‘make money online’ E-books without making a single cent from the Internet. They convince themselves that they are still in the learning and education phase but they don’t take action!

Sure it takes time to build a solid business, but any money that you are not making means you’ve ‘lost’ money because that is the money that you SHOULD be earning instead of wasting your time with things that don’t work.

In the next chapter, we will talk about choosing a proven business model. But for now, suffice for us to know that we must have:

  • The success mentality
  • The right vehicle to bring us to success!


Chapter 3: The Success Blueprint


Find a proven business model

There are currently many business models running on the Internet. As a newbie, your goal is to start making money as fast as possible while taking as little time as possible to achieve it.

This is your vehicle to success! 

Look for a business model that people have already made money from.

Here are a few suggestions:

Resell Rights – how you can sell other people’s products and keep 100% of the profit while getting viral marketing traffic at the same time.

Private Label Rights – brand yourself by having 100% ready to go products in your own name!

Niche Marketing – find good niche markets to make money online

These are just a few examples that you can check out. 

Remember that no matter what business model you choose, always remember to think long term, work hard (and smart) and bring value to your customers. 


Don’t Try And Reinvent The Wheel

One common mistake newbies make when it comes to Internet marketing is to try things that might not work.

They come up with their own ways to make money online but what they don’t realize is that many marketers have already perfected the formula of making money online that all they need to do is emulate what they are doing.

Most newbies fail because they spend too much trial and error and they get discouraged because they do not see the results.

The best way is to pick a marketer that is already making money and just follow their systems (or invest in their packages) – at the very least, you can get a refund within 30 days if it doesn’t work (but don’t use the refund policy as a way out just because you are LAZY).

Chapter 4: Four Steps To Success!


Here is a four-step process that anyone can follow to become successful online:

Find a skill

The easiest way to make money online is to ‘sell’ a skill. This skill could be any form of service that you can provide to help other marketers save time, save money and save effort.

Here are a few examples:

  • Writing – you can become a ghostwriter, copywriter or blogger and sell your skills to other marketers
  • Graphics Design – you can create powerful E-covers for E-books or graphic banners for mini-sites
  • Technical – you can help people if you are good with programming (e.g. script installation, testing and website setup)
  • Networking – help other people to recruit affiliates for their product launches

If you want to develop the winning mindset, make sure you work hard by serving others first even if the pay is low or you are required to sacrifice time (and sometimes, money) in order to develop your skill and build your clientele.

Create Your Own Product

After you develop enough expertise with your skills, you can turn your skills into a product.

The most important thing to remember is that your skill must be something that brings value to others. If you can bring value to others and monetize it, others will most probably want to learn from you as well.

Once you teach others how to monetize their skill, you will have a product that will impart your expertise to others. For example: a product that teaches people “how to make money with copywriting”



Create A Business

Once you are able to combine all your products together and develop your very own system, you have a business running already.

The important thing to remember about a business is that you must have a holistic approach when it comes to business building.

Don’t just focus on your primary skill alone. Try and outsource other tasks to other people. For example, if your strength is in writing, your business must not only include writing but many other aspects such as graphics, tutorials and even a helpdesk to help you answer questions.

At the end of the day, you need a complete system to market your business.

Automating Your Business

If your business is taking up too much of your time, the best thing you can do is to try and automate your business by letting others run it for you.

Basically you still maintain ownership of your business (and revenue, of course). But what you must do is to train up people who are capable of running the business for you. By the time your business is successful enough to be automated, you can hire people who are smarter than you to run it for you.

The trade off is that you have to pay them a lot of money, but the best thing you have is more free time. When you buy people’s time with your money, you effectively remove the shackles that your business has on your time and you can use that time to invest into another business.

Remember the golden rule: Think BIG and think long term.


Chapter 5: Pitfalls

 Here are a few pitfalls that any serious Internet entrepreneur must avoid:

Waiting For Things To Happen

If you truly want to develop a ‘think and grow rich’ mindset, you must remember that every successful entrepreneur is an ACTION TAKER.

Many make the mistake of building a beautiful website and a product, but they just sit around all day hoping sales will come. This is WRONG.

You must never sit around and wait for things to happen. Rather, you must go out there are recruit partners, make friends and most important of all – DRIVE TRAFFIC!

Dealing With Machines Instead Of Humans

Another common mistake by Internet marketing newbies – is that they do not spot the hottest trends.

You see, some people are sadly mistaken because they assume that Internet marketing is all about dealing with ‘machines’.

At the core of it, the very people who are going to be your customers (or the people who are going to click on your advertisements) are HUMAN BEINGS. We have to apply the proper psychology when we are dealing with them.

Dealing with humans require the human touch. Are you just writing articles for PEOPLE to read or are you just writing articles to please the search engines?


Not Being Focused

There are Internet marketers out there who try every traffic generation method in the book but they are not focusing on one.

They try driving in traffic from blogs, search engines, AdWords, viral marketing and everything under the sun, but they are not focused.

It is better to have ONE traffic generation method driving LOTS of traffic compared to 10 traffic generation methods that produce less than one focused method because dabbling with many methods often do not produce concentrated results.

Chapter 6: Summary 


It’s All About Your Belief

If you are truly serious about growing rich on the Internet, you must be willing to pay the price!

Are you:

  • Prepared to make the necessary sacrifices in order for you to achieve your goals?
  • Are you willing to spend long hours in front of the computer so that you can reap the rewards in the end?
  • Do you have the guts to persevere all the way even though negative people around you laugh at your dreams?
  • Are you willing to provide value for other people and put aside the ‘what’s in it for me’ mentality?
  • Are you willing to think big? Are you prepared to run your online business like a CEO rather than a part-time venture?
  • Do you BELIEVE in yourself?

What the mind can conceive, you will be able to achieve. So you must be able to visualize yourself as a success and go all the way.

Most important of all, you must BELIEVE in yourself… because no one is going to believe in you if you don’t. 

To Your success!